02/23/2022
Babies ALWAYS cry for a reason.
Babies can NOT self soothe.
Babies can NOT be spoiled.
Now that we've addressed those three points, lets dig a bit deeper...
I think we're falling into a detrimental trend of putting adult expectations onto children at younger and younger ages, in which we're even seeing these expectations placed in early infancy.
- We expect babies to self soothe.
- We expect toddlers to be speaking full, intelligible, sentences and be potty trained.
- We except preschoolers to sit for prolonged periods of time, know how to read and write, etc.
But I wonder where this rush is coming from?
1. Is it that parent's are feeling a sense of pressure?
If you're feeling pressure, please remind yourself that parenthood and childhood is not a competition of who does what first, well, better, best, etc.
2. Are we comparing and thinking that one child's development is representative of how all children should and could be?
Please know that every person is different, and these differences are present from the start. How you baby sleeps, eats, communicates, plays, their interests/approaches to learning etc. are all unique, and we must respect who they are and how they're growing. Just because one baby has begun walking at 10 months, doesn't mean all babies could, should, or will hit that. This does not mean the 10 month old baby who has become walking is a gifted person, and it doesn't mean your 10 month old baby who isn't walking is "beyond." They're simply different. Of course we have developmental milestones that we can use as a guide to ensure possible developmental delays are addressed, but let's not get wrapped up in unhealthy and unnecessary expectations. Back to point 1, it's not a competition.
3. Do we think pushing development translates to advanced development?
Pushing children to do things before they're developmentally able to do so can have both immediate and longterm negative psychological and physiological effects. This is shown when we ignore our babies cries, force potty training, force academics, and so on and so forth. Please note, just because a baby's cry has been ignored (resulting in an overall reduced amount of crying), it does not suggest they are "soothed." Similar concept, we can say we "teach our children x,y, and z," but teaching does not suggest learning.
We must remember that certain stages of development happen at just that; stages! and should never be rushed or forced prematurely.
We must also remember that our expectations, experiences, perspectives, decision-making skills, abilities, etc. are drastically different from that of a baby or child. Something you think they should do or know because you're able to, is setting everyone up for failure.
The attached image is really wonderful chart created by Sarah Ockwell-Smith (I just revised it a bit, making the text a bit bigger). Read more about her ideas regarding Self-settling here: https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/
At the core of healthy development is a baby/child's sense of security and love. It's an absolute necessity we must honor and provide from day one. So let's close with where we began...
Babies ALWAYS cry for a reason.
Babies can NOT self soothe.
Babies can NOT be spoiled.
