03/11/2025
The role and importance of caregivers are a core resources in carering for cancer patients along the cancer journey ! Read more :
https://copingmag.com/six-things-new-caregivers-need-to-know/
Six Things New Caregivers Need to Know Shelley and Keith Hardeman
by Keith T. Hardeman
While a cancer fight is hardest on the patient, caregivers suffer too. The stress of caregiving can be emotionally exhausting and often leads to burnout. Sadly, a catastrophe like cancer sometimes breaks couples apart. Don’t let that happen. Instead, be your partner’s rock of support.
Since I’ve experienced quite a bit through providing extended care for my wife, I wish to assist others by sharing a few coping tricks of the caregiving trade.
Accept the overwhelm you feel at the outset
Neither of you signed up for any of what’s about to take place. If the cancer is advanced and chemotherapy is involved, there’s a good chance you’re both going to suffer immensely in your respective roles. It’s important for you to openly talk, empathize, and listen to each other.
Though it may take time, there will come a point when you’re no longer mired in crisis mode. You’ll resign yourselves to the fact that you’re confined within cancer prison. No matter how much you don’t want to be there. No matter how unhappy it makes you. Your “new normal” will be a difficult one.
But acceptance of reality will slowly evolve into its becoming predictable and manageable. You’ll come to understand more about cancer, crisis communication, and coping strategies than you ever thought possible.
When people say awkward things, forgive them, for they’re trying their best
A few friends will struggle with their responding messages to the diagnosis news. Sometimes their “solution” is imploring you to just stay positive about a disease that realistically could claim your partner’s life.
No question, the positivity-pushers mean well. But when it comes to cancer reality, they don’t get it. They’ll seem rather tone-deaf as they unintentionally dismiss the hardships of your cancer world.
Instead of focusing on their word choice, try to “hear” what they are trying to say: They care about you, they hurt for you, and they want to help. (Of course, it would be far better if they’d just say it that way in the first place.)
If that doesn’t work, remind the persistent ones to instead listen. Tell them – repeatedly, as needed – there’s nothing good about cancer, and you’re coping as best you can.
But however awkwardly they may talk about your partner’s cancer, do remember this: They care deeply about your well-being. And that in itself is never wrong.
You’ll come to understand more about cancer, crisis communication, and coping strategies than you ever thought possible.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help
Seeking help is not an admission of defeat or failure. Your physical and emotional health may require a little extra life space on days when professional and caregiving responsibilities clash.
Successful coping means that, in spite of all your duties, you’ll still need to invest time for adequate sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Falling short in these areas will only exacerbate the stress you’re already experiencing. You can’t take care of your significant other if you don’t take care of yourself.
The American Cancer Society and Coping’s Cancer Survivors Guide are great resources for information, coping suggestions, or finding a local support group. But now, more than ever, is the time to lean on your friends.
Make lists of things that need to be done, and share them. Many of our contacts were bursting at the seams to help us. They brought prepared meals. They gave us rides and picked up groceries and pharmaceuticals. They provided snow removal and helped with yard upkeep. They listened tirelessly and consoled us. Even at 3:15 a.m. They never let us feel alone.
If there’s a setback, wait until you’re ready to talk before alerting others
Bad news updates will be difficult for friends and family to hear.
During our long course of treatment, we were deflated by a couple of discouraging test results. When we phoned a few loved ones immediately afterward, some reacted with almost inconsolable despair, which further dampened our morale. We were thrust into an unwanted role of placating others when it was my wife and me who most needed comforting at that moment.
Obviously, handle this as you see fit. But consider setting boundaries when it comes to the promptness of updating others. In spite of their anticipation, I would suggest not disclosing news of a setback until you’ve had adequate time to process it and get past the initial jolt. (And you’re not obligated to respond to calls or texts from them before you’re ready, either.)
Consider taking a day or two to let the shock factor wear off some. You may be a bit more prepared to cope with others’ somber responses as a result. In retrospect, I certainly wish we had done it that way.
A few coping tricks of the caregiving trade.
