10/03/2026
Reframe “dysfunction” in a child’s behavior 💖 You’ve likely heard people say things like:
🔹 “The child’s behavior is so dysfunctional.”
🔹 “They keep acting out—it doesn’t make any sense.”
🔹 “Why do they keep doing this when it’s not helping?”
But here’s something we know—every behavior is functional.
When we label a behavior as dysfunctional, we're often feeling:
❌ Overwhelmed
❌ Helpless
❌ Unsure how to respond
But when we step back and look through the lens of neuroscience, we can understand that every behavior serves a purpose.
Instead of dysfunction, we can ask:
💡 What is the function of this behavior?
💡 How is the child’s nervous system working to adapt or seek safety?
💡 What need is the child trying to meet through this response?
To support in this shift, one of the most powerful ways is by reframing behavior from “bad” to “adaptive.”
✔️ When a child withdraws, instead of saying, “They’re shutting down,” we can say, “They are overwhelmed by something and needing to go inward.”
✔️ When a child lashes out, instead of “They’re out of control,” we can say, “Their system is overwhelmed and searching for containment.”
✔️ When a child refuses to cooperate, instead of “They’re being defiant,” we can say, “They’re struggling to find a sense of autonomy.”
When we help people see behavior through this lens, shame is removed from the equation. The focus shifts from “How do I stop this?” to “How do I support the child at this moment?”
Next time you’re working with someone who’s feeling frustrated by a child’s behavior, invite them to try this simple shift:
❌ Instead of “This behavior is dysfunctional.”
✅ Ask “What is this behavior trying to do?”
Because when we assume every behavior has wisdom, we’re much more likely to understand it—and actually help.
Much love on the journey 💜
Lisa
