31/10/2025
Over the years, my heart hardened from keeping the peace, until one day I didn't quite know how to speak or even feel emotions safely anymore.
When our tears and voice are dismissed as children, we learn to shut down. We learn that our emotions are too much and that our truth is inconvenient.
What I see now is that in silencing myself, I wasn’t only losing my voice, I was also losing touch with God. The Word.
Because if what most faith practices say is true: Creation Begins with Expression ("In the beginning was the Word...") then my voice was meant to be a living reflection of that Word (God). When I stopped expressing myself, I stopped creating. And when I stopped creating, I stopped communicating with God.
There was a time I thought God was silent because of all the bad things I saw and experienced. But looking back, I realized that I had muted the channel through which He spoke. My own heart and words.
Now, as a woman, I’m noticing how my fear of using my voice mirrors my fear of feeling my emotions. Even when I’m alone, I struggle to let myself feel fully. Because there’s still a little girl who believes she has to always be composed.
The effects of wearing this mask also spills into my relationships. Lately, this has been showing up with two people I love deeply. Both are sensitive, emotionally intuitive souls. They’ve shared that when they feel emotional, they don’t want to be fixed, they want to be held.
And I realized that I don’t always know how to do that. Because it feels so vulnerable to simply sit in emotion whether it's theirs or mine. My instinct is to jump into “let’s make it better.” And yet I know that healing comes from feeling together rather than fixing. So, this is me learning to let my voice tremble and let my emotions flow.
Because when I speak with honesty, when I sing, write, create, I feel God again. I feel the Word moving through me, reminding me that communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about allowing Love to express itself through humanity.
The people who are meant for you won’t run from your realness, they’ll meet you there. And that’s where God meets you too, not in your perfection but in your presence.
