Brackenfell Psychology

11/06/2024

I was tired after a long day of work. My daughter was playing with her soft toys. I watched her, half-smiling at how content she was to play imaginatively by herself. It was a calm and contented moment.

I took out my phone to make a recording. Then, I saw the red "notification" icon. It demanded my attention, and I had to give in. I opened and quickly read two emails. Then, I quickly checked my Facebook notifications and watched a short video about a woman swimming with dolphins. Finally, I pressed the record button, only to capture a few seconds of my daughter playing, followed by her becoming fussy and asking me to fetch a toy that had been missing for a few weeks.

I realized that I had not only I failed to record the moment, but also failed to be present with my daughter. I suddenly felt even more tired and frustrated. My daughter picked up on my feelings and became even fussier.

I tried to look at the situation from her point of view. She saw her dad sitting two meters away but in some faraway place she could never reach. She saw me focused on whatever was on my screen, even though I was too tired to join her or at least observe her game. My heart sank as I realized I had missed a potentially wonderful moment of connection with her. I put my phone away and tended to her but it was too late. The opportunity had been lost.

I try not to be too hard on myself about it. These things happen. But I know I have to be more mindful of what I'm doing with my devices, especially in front of my daughter. Everything about my phone is designed to keep me using it: its sleek physical design, the bright and intuitive apps, and, of course, the simple little red notification button on the top right corner. Our devices and most of the apps on them are designed to keep us hooked, and it's so easy to become addicted to the dopamine hits they provide.

I needed to be intentional about what I was demonstrating for my almost 3-year-old daughter. I also wanted to model appropriate device usage for her. So I came up with the following rules that I try to stick to as far as possible (not too rigidly. I'm only human but I try):

• No devices at dinnertime
• No devices while playing with my daughter (anything that needs to be looked up can be done when she is asleep or otherwise occupied)

• The 2 hours before bedtime are sacred. Play, talk, build puzzles, connect. No screens (we usually watch TV after our daughter's bedtime)

• Leave the phone in the kitchen during the aforementioned times.

There's a ton of research on the effects screens have on the brains of developing children, but even if there wasn't, I've personally noticed the impact it has. The distraction alone is a break in emotional connection. I will admit, it is hard to stick to these rules - I'm sure I will not always succeed - but I think its worth trying as much as I can. The question I ask myself is: do I want my daughter to remember me as having my face glued to a screen, or looking at her, smiling, laughing, engaging, or teaching?

09/05/2024

I'm excited to announce this new group programme called NeuroSoul Connect. It's aim is to bring connection and fun to neuro-diverse teenagers who may struggle with social functioning. It's designed to be a relaxed, music-making space where participants get to learn a new skill, and also foster healthy relationships.

The group will be run at our Brackenfell practice.

For any questions, please email garth.newman@gmail.com

17/01/2024

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=900804185381961&id=100063571631813&mibextid=CDWPTG

As the festivities start to dwindle and we all get back to work or school, I want to remind you to be compassionate with yourself. It can be a stressful time, especially for those who are starting something new – like being in a different position at work or children who are starting a new grade.

It can be very tempting to "hit the ground running". I often hear people say things like "let's kill this year" or "let's make it count!" I am of the opinion that these types of statements are, at best, unhelpful, as they imply a judgement as what a good year should look like. At worst this type of "toxic positivity" can lead to depression and anxiety, as it is often practically impossible to adhere to new strict routines with consistency. It's usually an egoic need for validation that creates this "all-or-nothing" energy, and therefore it is not really in our best interest or honouring our truest selves.

A better approach in my opinion is to have a non-judgmental and compassionate approach that focuses on simple activities that are achievable. I call them "anchor points". These are literally the simplest actions that will keep you on track with goals and prevent you from being swept away by distractions. Anchor points can be anything from a regular meeting with a friend, to journaling, to going for a walk with the dog. The most important thing is that they are DOABLE.

Having some anchor points as the hustle and bustle of work or the academic year begins is a useful way of staying grounded, preventing the inevitable "March slump" that occurs when the ego is directing the show. So be kind to yourself. Keep it simple. Keep going. Gently.

19/01/2023

16/08/2022

10/03/2022

Rhythm. It permeates every facet of life. Your breath, your speech, your deep conversations, your heartbeat, the music that moves you, the way you express love. It is the powerful healer that lives within and amongst every living creature. It is what keeps individuals 'together' and connects individuals to each other. Rhythm keeps the world in balance.

It is nature's antidote to chaos.

If you do one thing for yourself this week, make it getting in touch with the rhythm of your life and what surrounds you - and allow yourself to be entrained into it. Just "go with the flow".

09/03/2022

Happy Monday. Here are my happy tips to get you started on a great week!

For positivity bias training:
Direct your day by injecting a dose of positivity right from the start
by saying, “Today is going to be a great day.”
Pay attention to the micro-moments of happiness in your life.
Look for ways to express gratitude to others.
Perform a random act of kindness and see things from another
person’s point of view today.
Focus on your strengths, put them to use in your daily life, and
routinely remind yourself of your accomplishments.
Anchor yourself to present moments.
Eliminate the negatives from your life and learn to question your
thoughts.
Laugh more on purpose.
Review what went well today before you fall asleep.

02/02/2022

Parents often ask me what signs of depression to look out for in kids and adolescents. It does differ from adult symptoms. Here's a list of the top things to look out for:

*Loss of interest in activities that they previously enjoyed

*Anger outbursts

*Persistent irritability

*Changes in appetite

*Changes in sleep patterns

*Self-injury

*Expressing a desire to not be alive / commit su***de (most often through art, poetry, music or social media status)

*Social isolation

Of course most adolescents display some of these behaviours at some point and it's not always indicative of depression. It is therefore important to try and keep the lines of communication open. Ask them what they're feeling, and let them know that help is available, should they need it.

If your child displays any of the above symptoms for an extended period, it may be worth having a discussion with them about seeking professional help by a mental health practitioner.

24/01/2022

I snapped this picture just before going for swim. This is my happy place. For me, swimming in nature is the ultimate reset for my busy brain. Nothing calms me and prepares me for a new week, like coolness on my skin, and the swooshing of water with each stroke. It's even better when loved ones join me (as was the case this time).

A sanctuary. That's what it is. A safe place, protecting me from the effects of a busy schedule and the stress that comes with it.

I am grateful to nature for providing me such a picturesque space of refuge from the humdrum of life.

We all need a sanctuary... what's yours?

11/01/2022

This is a picture from my office bookshelf. It caught my eye this morning, and I realised how influential books have been in my life.

My favourite book of all time is the one in the centre: "I know this much is true" by Wally Lamb

I read this genius work of fiction in my late teens, and it really shaped me in so many ways. I remember how invested I was in the characters, and how I missed them when I finished the book. I didn't realise it at the time, but it was one of the push factors that got me interested in psychology. It truly is a masterpiece.

I'm just taking a moment to reflect on how much I love books; how much I appreciate them; how powerful they can be.

Any life-changing books you'd like to share?

10/01/2022

I am often surprised about how surprised my patients are when I discuss the importance of diet in both physical and mental health…the health of the gut and brain is interlinked and exists in a bidirectional axis…Serotonin ( your happy mood neurotransmitter) is manufactured in the gut, 70% of your immune cells exist in your gut…if you think about it, your gut is the first direct contact with the outside world (whatever you ingest is in direct contact with your internal physiology!).

This is concerning when you think that the average teenage diet consists McDonalds and BK!

This concept also explains why ecological health of the earth and environment is essential for our physical and mental health as human beings.

Developing healthy eating habits in our daily lives and paying attention to our children’s diets from a young age could set their health status and wellbeing for the rest of their lives…

This info graphic is part of an article on the Interplay between Human Intestinal Microbiota and Gut-to-Brain Axis and the Relationship with Autism Spectrum Disorders. This is a currently extensively researched topic that links the occurrence of Autism with gut health!

There is overwhelming medical evidence to support the essential role of diet in not only body health but brain health too.

06/01/2022

I'm not a big fan of new year's resolutions. They often leave one feeling discouraged, disappointed, or despondent.

However, I do find that doing some planning really helps me get focused and get moving on projects. Something about the ending and beginning of the old – and new years respectively, creates an energy that I believe will be wasted if not channeled into something productive.

So I do take some time to reflect and plot what I want to achieve in the upcoming year. Just by doing this, I increase my chances of success 100-fold (possibly more). Here's the simple strategy I use:

*Write down a list of the things I want to achieve.

*Work backwards from each goal and identify what tasks will be needed to achieve it.

*Break each task down into its simplest form, in order to reach the very next step — something that can be done immediately.

*Do just that thing.

It's not bullet proof, and often life throws us massive curve balls, but this strategy has helped me stay focused on the important things that I need to do in order to achieve success.

I hope that it's a strategy that can help you too.