22/09/2025
Ladies this is good read to remind you that you are not nuts and for the men, its insight into why you need to understand and support your woman on this roller-coaster ride
I was a guest on a podcast the other day, the lovely message in the middle with Marianne, and was asked what had made me start this page back in 2017/18.
It was because I was just starting with a whole range of strange symptoms which made no sense, so I wrote little poems and blogs about it, and the page grew organically from there.
Thinking about this reminded me of how sh*t it can be when these symptoms first creep up on you. So here’s my guide for those of you just starting out on this crappy ride:
You will forget things. Your fabulously, brilliant, organised mind with turn into a lump of sh*te that struggles to remember what you do, what your children are called or where your keys are (try the fridge).
Try not to panic, brain fog is normal as the oestrogen levels decrease and your ability to mentally do twenty things at once slows down. In essence, your brain is becoming more male but without the sex section.
You get to have fun games of ‘menopause guess who’ with your friends as you try and remember a famous person’s name, a TV show or a film.
Thingy was in it.
Pretty lady.
Blonde hair.
No make up.
She didn’t have any pubic hair in the 90’s.
She was in that show with the actor who had a drinking problem.
You know, he worked with Kit the car.
It spoke to him and was sh*t.
Then he did Baywatch.
Pamela Anderson!
This is how your mind will work from now on - you will get there, it just takes much longer. Instead of being a top of the range super fast computer, you’ve turned into a Rolodex.
But you will always remember the dog’s name.
Mood swings. Oh my good lord. You will, cry, despair, laugh inappropriately and rage. You will, at some point, f**king hate everybody. You will develop a twat detector, it works clearly and quickly and is quite brutal. We go through life making excuses for people, because we are nice and want to see the best in others. But menopause removes all the polite veneers we put up and you go straight to ‘what a f**king tit’ before they have even opened their mouth.
It’s a super power and takes time to learn how to harness it, so use it wisely.
But you will always love the dog.
Nobody close to you will understand what you are going through. You become a forced, tight smile, robotically going through the motions, longing for someone to see that your soul is seeping out and melting on the floor.
We see it, and we know, but we don’t live with you.
Here’s the hard part: you have to tell the people you love how you are feeling. It’s annoying that nobody can automatically sense the changes, but, in fairness, they are not mind readers. You are important and you deserve to be listened to and treated with respect, kindness and understanding. This is when your partner gets to step up and love you enough for both if you. If you are not treated with compassion, please employ the rage superpower and do what ever feels right for you.
The dog will understand and stay with you.
You won’t like yourself very much for a while. This is because you might put on weight as your body stores fat and burns it more slowly, or you might start noticing that your hair is thinning, your face is aging, your arse couldn’t hold in a fart if you paid it to and your pelvic floor fell out in Tesco’s.
You might be tempted to call yourself awful names.
Please try not to. That woman in the mirror is going through a hard time. She needs a friend and a cheerleader. She knows she is changing and she needs someone to reassure her that it is normal and natural to go through this transition.
She needs someone to tell her she still looks lovely in a bigger size, and that a new haircut will be more flattering.
The dog will always think you are the most beautiful human on the planet. Be more dog.
Sex. Well, the urge buggers off for a while. Your vagina gets drier due to lack of oestrogen, which might make sex painful, and the desire decreases due to a lack of testosterone. Plus, if you don’t like yourself very much anymore, it’s hard to feel sexy and desirable. None of this is your fault. You can get help to improve dryness with HRT, vaginal oestrogen, creams and pessaries. And please research testosterone and talk to your GP if you think this might be of interest to you.
You need to be your biggest supporter and your strongest advocate, not your harshest critic. Empower yourself with knowledge and be the driving force behind making this hormonal transition better and easier for you. Although things are improving all the time, recognise that medical gaslighting is alive and well and ensure you get the respect and treatment YOU deserve.
F**k everybody else: this is YOUR body, YOUR mind, YOUR physical and mental wellbeing. Do what feels right for YOU.
In a nutshell, you might think you have gone mad, you might be a raging, sweating, hairy, anxious, insomniac, weeping, leaking, creaking mess. But you will get through it. You are not going mad, you are not the only one and we are here to help you become a new, more vibrant, confident and fabulous version of yourself. The best is yet to come 😍❤️
Copyright Middle age madness/Sarah Stenton.
I’m happy to give you information on the beauty products that have helped me in terms of feeling sexy and confident again. I’ll pop something in the comments xx
