Claire Strohbach - Clinical Psychologist

29/11/2022

Emotional agility is about recognizing our emotions before reacting, and responding in a way that aligns with our values.

In the sentiment of Viktor Frankl, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Give yourself the gift of a pause.

10/11/2021

The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives — and this is not exclusive to romantic partnerships. When we’re children, friendships mark the first “free-choice” relationships we make, and are the earliest example of relationships existing beyond the given requirements of familial connection. Friendships are love stories in their own right.

Longterm friends provide us with consistency through life’s changes: breakups, career shifts, family rifts, birth and death. They create a community and are witnesses to our lives. Seasonal friendships are also valuable, as they are created based on our circumstantial needs at that time.

I explore friendship in my recent “Letters from Esther.” Click the link to read.

https://bit.ly/3C84kU9

09/05/2021

If every time I say, "I hurt," you tell me that I brought it on myself, or other people have it worse than me, or that I just need to look on the bright side, it's not going to make my grief go away. It's going to make me stop talking about it.

"Look at all the good you have around you."
Gratitude does not work like that.

This idea that appreciating what you've got is the antidote for the pain of what you're missing, that is a central fallacy. Gratitude and grief don't cancel each other out. They exist side by side.

I can be thankful that the air quality is such that I can breathe without having to think about it. I can be thankful that the sun is exactly enough million, trillion miles away that I am warm but not incinerated. That doesn't mean that my pain goes away.

One of the challenges here is that we think that if you're sad, you can't also be happy. They don't cancel each other out.

We are complex beings. You can have a big deep sadness and be having the best day ever, at the same time. The coolness of being human is that we don't have to choose just one thing at any time.

Don't encourage someone to have gratitude for the good things that still exist. Good things and horrible things occupy the same space. Instead, mirror their reality back to them.

One of the really cool things about this is that we can practice it in our everyday lives - which helps us build the skills we need to help each other in our worst and hardest moments.

The next time you hear someone make a statement of pain, I want you to notice your impulse to jump in and make it better for them.

Learn to notice your impulse to fix it or make it better and then don’t do that. Instead, mirror their reality back to them. When they say, "This entirely sucks," say, "Yes, it does."
It's amazing how much that helps.

15/07/2020

02/07/2020

As human beings, relationships are fundamental to who we are. We know that relationships can be a big source of happiness and fulfillment in our lives but they can also be one of the major sources of stress. So, why is it that we often find relationships so hard? In this conversation, I speak to [.....

12/05/2020

This two-episode special is based on a course that Dr. Harriet Lerner and I did together on her groundbreaking book, “Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.” You can expect authentic, hard conversations (and one helluva role play) about making mistakes, healing hur...

07/05/2020

The therapist, author, and podcast host offers wisdom on navigating romantic relationships under quarantine.

19/03/2020

It’s very hard to separate our bodies from our hearts. Last week, seven hundred people in New Rochelle—the quarantined epicenter of the Covid-19 outbreak in New York—held a town meeting online. While each of them were confined to their homes, alone or with family, the community was together in...