Ezabangoma

25/12/2025

Moving into 2026 isn’t just about flipping a calendar page; it’s about a fundamental shift in how we carry ourselves and how we hold space for others.

​As we leave 2025 behind, the greatest gift we can give ourselves—and our communities—is the intentional practice of valuing. Not as a vague concept, but as a rigorous, daily architecture for a stronger life.

​The Invisible Infrastructure of Value:
​We often mistake "value" for "praise." Praise is a reaction to a result; valuing is a recognition of a soul.
​When we move through the world feeling unvalued, we operate from a place of scarcity. We become defensive, quiet, or performative.

But when we build a foundation of strength within ourselves, we stop waiting for the world to "discover" us and start teaching the world how to see us—by seeing others first.
​Why "Good Intentions" Aren't Enough
​The tragedy of most relationships isn't a lack of love; it’s a translation error.

​The Assumption Trap:
We think our gratitude is "obvious." It isn't. Silence is rarely interpreted as appreciation; it’s usually interpreted as indifference.

​The Ego of Expression:
We tend to love others the way we want to be loved. But expressing value is an act of service—it requires us to learn the recipient's language, not just shout in our own.
​The 2026 Blueprint: Building Inner Strength
​To move into the new year with a "foundation of strength," we must commit to three shifts in perspective:

​1. Value the "Invisible" Labor
In 2026, let’s stop rewarding only the loudest achievements. Strength is found in the person who holds the emotional temperature of a room, the partner who anticipates a need before it’s spoken, and the friend who stays calm in the chaos.

When you name these "invisible" things, you make the person feel truly known.

​2. Specificity is the Highest Form of Respect
Vague compliments are easy; specific observations are intimate. Saying "I value how you protect your peace" says more about your attentiveness than a hundred generic "thank yous." Specificity proves you were paying attention.

​3. Slowing Down as a Radical Act:

You cannot value what you do not notice. Our modern world is designed to make us skim the surface of our lives. Building inner strength requires the discipline to slow down enough to see the quiet planning and the emotional weight others are carrying.

​A Stronger Foundation:
​When we feel valued, our nervous systems settle. We stop "fighting" for our place in a relationship and start "building" within it. Communication softens because there is no longer a need to defend one's worth. Conflict becomes safer because the foundation is made of concrete, not eggshells.

​As we step into 2026, let’s not just resolve to "be better." Let’s resolve to be mirrors. Let’s reflect back to the people in our lives the beauty, consistency, and effort they often forget they possess.

​In doing so, we don’t just strengthen them; we build a world where we, too, are finally seen.
Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi

18/12/2025

HEAL THE ROOT:
ANCESTRAL LINEAGE AND SPIRITUAL LENS

​I. OVERVIEW: HEALING THE ROOT.

​In the spiritual journey, "Healing the Root" refers to the deep work of addressing the origin points of our behaviors, beliefs, and spiritual blockages. We are the fruit of a tree whose roots extend back centuries. If the fruit is to be sweet, the roots must be tended.

​The Spiritual Lens:
We often inherit "spiritual cataracts"—ways of seeing the world that are clouded by the trauma, poverty, or fear of our forebears. Healing these lenses allows us to see our true potential without the distortion of the past.

​The Generational Mandate:
You have been called not just to exist, but to act as a "cleaner" for your bloodline. By resolving ancestral karma, you stop the transmission of toxic patterns to the next generation.

​II. TRUSTING GUIDANCE VS. SEEKING HANDOUTS
​A critical shift in spiritual maturity is moving from petition (asking for things) to partnership (walking with guidance).

​The Trap of Handouts: Approaching the Divine or the Ancestors only when in need creates a relationship of dependency. It ignores the strength that has already been encoded into your DNA.

​The Power of Guidance:
Your ancestors lived through the very challenges you face today. They offer a "blueprint" for survival and success. When you trust your guidance, you are accessing a collective database of wisdom.

​Self-Sovereignty:
True spiritual responsibility means taking the "tools" your ancestors give you and building your own life. Do not ask them to do the work for you; ask them to give you the clarity to do the work effectively.

​III. GUIDELINES FOR THE SPIRITUAL PRACTITIONER
​“A tree with strong roots laughs at the storms.”

​Acknowledge the Altar:
Create a physical point of contact. A simple glass of water and a white candle serve as a "telephone" to the other side.

​Study the History:
Research your family tree. Understand the "Sins of the Fathers" so you can choose a different path.

​Break the Silence:
Often, ancestral healing requires speaking the truths that were hidden in previous generations.

​Live with Honor:
The highest form of ancestral veneration is a life lived well. Your success is their elevation.
Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi
Gogo Phakathi

08/12/2025

06/12/2025

The Evolving Face of Woman in Leadership:

​The narrative of the woman in leadership—whether in academia, business, or politics—is a story of triumph, resilience, and ongoing evolution.

We celebrate the increasing visibility of women breaking glass ceilings globally. Yet, the conversation must also turn inward, addressing the ways women interact and support one another in these influential spheres.

True progress demands more than just climbing the ladder; it requires us to lift as we climb, fostering a culture of mutual respect and professional integrity.
​
The Imperative to Unlearn:
Moving Beyond Comparison and Bullying
​A painful, yet critical, truth is that some woman leaders still need to unlearn to learn the value of solidarity. The unfortunate dynamics of bullying, unnecessary comparison, and competitive evaluation among female colleagues are counterproductive to the broader goal of gender equity at the top.

​Stop the Evaluation Trap: It's time to cease the automatic tendency to evaluate or compare a fellow woman colleague's work, leadership style, or career trajectory against another’s.

Every leader operates in a unique context, facing distinct challenges and possessing individual strengths.

​Embrace Diversity of Leadership:
We must recognize that the sheer diversity of women’s leadership styles is a strength, not a weakness to be judged.
Respect for differing approaches and acknowledging varied paths to success is paramount.

​Leadership is not a zero-sum game. When one woman succeeds, it creates more space and possibility for all. Our energy is better spent building bridges of support than erecting walls of judgment.
​
The Power of Practical Work:
Letting Deeds Speak
​The measure of a leader—man or woman—is, and should always be, their practical work and tangible results.

The adage "Paper never lies" holds a potent truth: hollow titles and mere promises fade, but concrete achievements leave an indelible mark.

​A woman leader's work, leadership, and practical impact should speak for itself.

​Focusing on measurable contributions, positive organizational change, and genuine mentorship is the most powerful rebuttal to any internal or external criticism. The legacy we leave is built on what we do, not on how we critique what others have done.
​
Past vs. Present:
The Evolution of Leadership
​It’s vital for leaders across all sectors to understand and embrace this central truth:

past and present leadership are not the same. The world has fundamentally changed.

​Today, we operate with:
​Better Technology & Equipment:
Digital transformation, data analytics, and global connectivity have revolutionized how decisions are made, implemented, and tracked.

​Evolved Leadership Techniques:
Modern leadership models emphasize emotional intelligence, distributed authority, inclusivity, and adaptive strategies—moving far beyond the rigid, hierarchical models of the past.

​Leaders who refuse to unlearn outdated methodologies and embrace current techniques—especially those related to collaborative and ethical leadership—risk becoming irrelevant.

Comparing current leadership against past paradigms is an exercise in futility. We must acknowledge the foundation laid by previous generations while committing to leverage better technology, equipment, and leadership techniques available now to solve the complex problems of today and tomorrow.

​The future of the woman in leadership is bright, but it requires a commitment not just to external achievement, but to internal solidarity, respect, and a continuous commitment to learning to unlearn to learn.
Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi

03/12/2025

Violence Against the Elderly and GBV in South Africa:

​Violence and abuse against older persons in South Africa is a severe and often under-reported human rights crisis. This issue is deeply intertwined with Gender-Based Violence (GBV), as the majority of victims are elderly women.
​
The Reality of Elder Abuse:
​Elder abuse encompasses a wide spectrum of harm, often perpetrated by those closest to the victim, such as sons or daughters (perpetrators in over half of the reported cases).

​Forms of Abuse: The Older Persons Act 13 of 2006 criminalises all forms of abuse, including:

​Physical and Sexual Abuse: Unexplained injuries or non-consensual contact.

​Emotional/Psychological Abuse:
Using fear, guilt, manipulation, or accusations of witchcraft (a specific cultural form of abuse often targeting older women).
​Financial/Economic Abuse: Unlawful deprivation of a person's money or assets.

​Neglect:
Intentional or unintentional failure to provide necessary care, medication, or sustenance.

​Contributing Factors: Poverty, economic hardship, and substance abuse by family members are significant drivers of the abuse, particularly financial exploitation.
​
The Intersection with Gender-Based Violence (GBV)
​Elder abuse, particularly against older women, is a major focus within South Africa's national strategy to combat GBV and Femicide (GBVF).

​Vulnerability:
Elderly women, especially those in the 70-90 age bracket, are identified as a particularly vulnerable group within the GBVF crisis.

​Legal Alignment:
The legal framework specifically connects these issues:

​The Domestic Violence Amendment Act (DVAA) of 2021 explicitly includes "elder abuse" in the expanded definition of domestic violence, providing victims access to protection orders.

​The National Strategic Plan on Gender-Based Violence and Femicide (GBVF-NSP) specifically targets interventions to address the needs of "elderly women."

​Mandatory Reporting:
The DVAA mandates that any adult person who suspects abuse against an older person has a legal obligation to report it to authorities.
​
The Critical Role of Interfaith:
​Interfaith organisations are recognised by the government as an essential partner in the "all of society" approach required to combat GBVF and elder abuse due to their moral authority, extensive reach, and trusted relationships within communities.

​Moral and Normative
Change:
Faith leaders act as the moral compass in society. They are uniquely positioned to use sacred texts and spiritual teachings to:

​Dismantle Patriarchy and Harmful Norms:
Challenge religious or cultural norms that may inadvertently condone violence, and stress the dignity and equality of all persons, regardless of age or gender.

​Promote Positive Values: Educate congregations on the values of respect, compassion, and non-violence toward the elderly.

​Community Support and Safety:
​Safe Spaces and Sanctuary:
Places of worship can serve as physical and emotional safe spaces for survivors where they can share their experiences without fear.

​Identification and Referral:
Faith leaders are often the first point of contact for families in crisis.

With proper training, they can effectively identify signs of abuse and refer victims to specialised NGOs (like Tafta) and government services (like the GBV Command Centre).

​Holistic Support:
They provide pastoral care, spiritual support, and community connection to help survivors cope with trauma, grief, and loss.
Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi

30/11/2025

Masculinity and GBV the present,the past, the now:

The Present:
A Call to Action
​The present is characterized by the urgent recognition that silence is no longer an option. We are living in a global reality where harmful expressions of masculinity perpetuate Gender-Based Violence (GBV), infringing on the safety and equality of women, girls, and marginalized genders. The current moment demands that men and boys actively step up, moving from being passive bystanders to becoming agents of change. The systems, norms, and institutions that enable GBV are under intense scrutiny, and there's a growing but still insufficient movement toward accountability and intervention. We must acknowledge the pervasive nature of the problem and the immediate need to
address the crisis of violence.
​
The Past:
The Roots of Harmful Masculinity
​The past is defined by the historical and cultural conditioning of toxic masculinity.

This model dictates that emotional expression is weakness, dominance is power, and violence is an acceptable tool for control. It is a legacy built on patriarchal structures that limit men’s emotional and psychological well-being while simultaneously sanctioning the abuse of power over others. The past is the source of the learned behaviors—the norms and expectations—that contribute to the present crisis. This is what we are called to unlearn.
​
The Now:
Unlearning to Learn and Building the Future
​The now is the crucial phase of learning to unlearn to learn.

​Unlearning:
This involves critically dismantling the harmful lessons of the past. Men and boys must unlearn the idea that their worth is tied to aggression, stoicism, or control. It means challenging internalized misogyny and the toxic scripts of masculinity.

​Learning:
This is the intentional process of adopting new, positive, and equitable models of manhood.

Education must lead the way, providing safe spaces to discuss emotions, consent, respect, and healthy relationships. This learning is reinforced by mentorship, which must open doors for younger generations to see and practice an inclusive, empathetic, and responsible masculinity.

​Action:
The transformation must become communal. Communities must rise together to hold their members accountable and create environments where positive masculinity is the norm, not the exception.

The "now" is about integrating this new knowledge into daily action, fostering a future free from GBV, where men are allies, partners, and emotional whole individuals.
Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi

26/11/2025

Addressing the relationship between masculinity and Gender-Based Violence and Femicide (GBVF) from an early age is vital for preventing future harm and building a more equitable society.

​Early Intervention and Education
​The foundation for positive change must be laid in childhood.

For Boys:
Redefining Masculinity
​Teaching boys early on should focus on challenging the harmful aspects of toxic masculinity, which often links male identity to dominance, aggression, emotional stoicism, and control over women.

​Emotional Literacy:
Boys need to be taught that all emotions—sadness, fear, vulnerability, and tenderness—are human and acceptable. Expressing feelings healthily, rather than bottling them up until they explode in anger or violence, is a sign of strength, not weakness.

​Consent and Respect: Education must embed the principles of consent and mutual respect in all interactions, not just sexual ones. This means respecting boundaries, choices, and autonomy.
​Non-Violent Conflict

Resolution:
Boys should learn effective, non-violent ways to manage disagreement and frustration, understanding that violence is never an acceptable solution.

​Empathy and Allyship: Encouraging boys to develop empathy and to be active allies in speaking out against misogyny, sexism, and gender-based violence when they witness it.
​
For Girls:
Empowerment and Voice
​Education for girls is equally important in breaking the cycle of GBVF by fostering self-worth and autonomy.

​Self-Worth and Boundaries: Girls need to be taught their inherent value and the right to establish and firmly maintain personal boundaries.

​Finding a Voice: Encouraging girls to use their voices to challenge disrespect, report harm, and advocate for themselves and others.

​Autonomy:
Reinforcing their right to make decisions about their bodies, relationships, and futures without fear of coercion or violence.

Societal and Family Role Models:
​Children learn primarily from observation. Today's boys will become tomorrow's men and will shape the culture of the next generation.

​Modeling Healthy Relationships: Parents and caregivers must actively model healthy, respectful, and egalitarian relationships where responsibilities are shared, and conflicts are resolved peacefully.

​Challenging Misogyny: Adults need to be vigilant in challenging and correcting sexist jokes, derogatory comments about women, and gender stereotypes (e.g., "boys don't cry," "girls are better at cleaning") within their homes and communities.

​Fatherhood as Nurturing: Normalizing and celebrating men's roles in caregiving, nurturing, and emotional support is critical. This reframes a man's worth around responsibility and compassion, rather than power and control.

​By addressing the root causes of GBVF—which are often linked to outdated, rigid, and power-focused definitions of masculinity—we can raise a generation of boys who are emotionally intelligent, respectful, and committed to equality, ensuring they are not the next perpetrators but rather the next champions of safety and respect.
Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi

26/11/2025

The Necessity of Engaging Men in Gender Justice:
​The movement for gender equality has long been spearheaded by women, but achieving true justice requires the active, conscious participation of men.

​Men's coaching for gender justice recognizes that while patriarchy systematically advantages men, it also imposes profound limitations and harms on them, leading to what is often termed "toxic masculinity." This focused work is necessary to dismantle the system from within and to heal the wounds it inflicts on all genders.
​
Understanding Toxic Masculinity and Its Cost:
​Toxic masculinity refers to the rigid, restrictive set of behaviors and beliefs that traditionally define "being a man"—primarily dominance, aggression, emotional suppression, and aversion to anything deemed feminine. It is distinct from masculinity itself; it is the harmful performance of masculinity driven by the pressure to conform.

​Emotional Suppression:
The cultural mandate for men to be strong and stoic leads to emotional illiteracy.

Men are discouraged from expressing vulnerability, sadness, or fear, which is directly linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and su***de among men.

​Violence and Risk-Taking:
The association of manhood with aggression and risk-taking contributes to higher rates of incarceration, violence against others, and dangerous health behaviors.

Coaching aims to replace this risk-taking with responsible action and moral courage.

​Imposed Isolation:
The competitive nature of toxic masculinity can lead to a lack of deep, intimate male friendships, increasing isolation. Programs like Positive Masculinity training seek to build empathy and emotional intelligence to foster healthier bonds.
​
The Shift from 'Allyship' to Shared Responsibility
​Historically, the burden of fixing gender inequality has rested on women. Men's coaching aims to shift men from being passive "allies" to being accountable partners and agents of change.

​1. Internalizing the Problem (Personal Reflection)
​The initial focus on personal reflection is crucial.

Men should move beyond viewing gender inequality as women's issue or an HR problem and internalize their own role in perpetuating the system.

This involves critically examining:
​Unearned Privilege: How being a man provides an automatic advantage in pay, promotion, safety, and respect.

​The Power Dynamic: Recognizing that challenging sexism requires voluntarily relinquishing some of the power and control they currently hold, particularly in professional settings and the home (as addressed by Promoting shared responsibility).

​2. Skill-Building for Intervention (Bystander Action)
​It’s not enough for men to agree that sexism is wrong; they must be equipped with the tools to stop it. Bystander intervention training addresses the paralysis men often feel when witnessing a harmful act.

​This training provides clear, practical scripts and techniques that help men overcome the fear of social retribution and safely interrupt misogynistic behavior from their peers (the focus of Challenging harmful behavior). This moves solidarity from a private belief to a public act.

​3. Institutionalizing Change (Leadership and Advocacy)
​True systemic change requires men to use their existing structural power to advocate for equity.

This is the goal of Leadership and advocacy.

​Instead of waiting for diverse candidates to fail, men in leadership must actively sponsor women and marginalized colleagues, ensuring they have visibility and access to career-defining opportunities.

​This also involves championing concrete policies, such as equitable parental leave and pay transparency, ensuring the principles of justice are embedded in the organization's rules, not just its mission statement.

​Global Frameworks for Engagement:
​Initiatives like MenEngage Alliance and MenCare demonstrate that this work is a global necessity, not just a localized corporate training exercise. They emphasize that gender justice must be approached through the lens of human rights .
Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi

24/11/2025

The Weight and Wonder of the Invisible Backpack:

​Every person moves through the world shouldering an invisible backpack, a container of existence that defies external scrutiny.

This pack is a dynamic repository, constantly being filled, emptied, and reorganized by the relentless current of time and experience. What others see is the exterior—the composed posture, the professional demeanor, the casual indifference—but what truly dictates the rhythm of our steps is the weight carried within.

​The Stones of Struggle:
The Weight We Conceal
​The image highlights the Stones of Struggle, the dense, unyielding burdens that sink deep into the fabric of the pack. These are the traumas and challenges that often remain unspoken, acting as silent anchors on our progress. They include the heavy, jagged stones of Abuse and Neglect, memories that have eroded trust and left deep grooves of skepticism about the world’s fundamental safety.

We carry the crushing, fractured weight of Loss, a stone carved from the absence of someone or something vital—a shattered heart left by a betrayal, the vacant space of a loved one who departed too soon, or the quiet death of a long-held dream.

​Alongside these acute traumas lie the persistent, dull stones of chronic burdens: the constant drain of Chronic Illness or Disability, which dictates daily negotiations with one’s own body; the sharp anxiety of Powerlessness, the feeling of being buffeted by forces beyond control; and the isolating pressure of unseen Grief. These stones are not static; they shift and grind against one another, sometimes causing sharp, unexpected pain years after they were first placed inside. The struggle lies not just in enduring their weight, but in the effort required to conceal them—to smile through the muscle strain, to speak calmly while the jagged edges are tearing at the lining of one’s inner peace.

​The Feathers of Joy: Moments That Provide Lift
​To prevent the carrier from being permanently bowed, the universe, or perhaps one’s own intentionality, places the Feathers of Joy.

These are the antidotes to the stones, moments of pure, unfiltered happiness or quiet contentment that possess an almost paradoxical lightness and strength.

A feather is a memory of laughter that brought tears to the eyes, a sunset that momentarily erased worry, the unexpected triumph of an achievement earned through sweat and sacrifice, or a simple, perfect cup of coffee on a cold morning.

​The power of these feathers is their ubiquity and their capacity for lift. While the stones demand effort to bear, the feathers offer buoyant relief.

They are not always grand milestones; often, they are the small, overlooked details—the rhythm of a pet’s breathing, the satisfaction of a task completed, the warmth of genuine connection. The art of carrying the invisible backpack is learning to appreciate the cumulative power of these light experiences, allowing their memory to fill the void created by the heavier burdens. Without this counterweight, the backpack would become an unbearable drag, fixing the bearer permanently to the spot of past pain.
​The Tools of Resilience: Mended Straps and Internal Compass

​The backpack is not merely a vessel; it is also a workshop. Inside are the Tools of Resilience, the indispensable mechanisms developed through necessity.

These are not gifts; they are earned—forged in the fires of struggle and honed by self-reflection. Resilience is the spiritual thread used to mend the worn, tearing straps of the backpack after a catastrophic failure. It is the ability to recognize, after dropping the pack entirely in exhaustion, that one has the capacity to hoist it back up and continue.

​These tools manifest as conscious coping strategies: the wisdom gained from past mistakes, the self-awareness to recognize a coming emotional storm, the simple, practiced discipline of deep breathing, or the courage to set necessary boundaries. They include the internal compass of moral clarity and personal values, which prevents the carrier from losing their way in overwhelming darkness. The tools are what transform the passive suffering of carrying the stones into the active skill of balancing the load, ensuring the weight is distributed strategically across the strongest parts of the spirit.

​Notes of Connection and Seeds of Hope:
Fuel for the Journey
​Two final elements complete the pack, providing the purpose and the relational context for the journey. The Notes of Connection are the silent messages from the outside world that validate existence.

These are the acts of kindness received and given, the words of unconditional support from a friend, the shared silence with a family member who simply gets it, and the memory of love offered without expectation.

These notes remind the carrier that the path is shared, and that isolation is a choice, not a mandate. They are evidence that the invisible struggles are not entirely unseen, but recognized, even if obliquely, by fellow travelers.

​Finally, at the very bottom, hidden beneath the heaviest stones and protected by the tools, are the Seeds of Hope. These are the dreams, the goals, and the quiet belief in future possibility.

A seed of hope is the tentative plan for tomorrow, the belief that effort will yield a harvest, or the simple desire to experience joy again. They may seem small, but they are vital, representing potential energy.

If the stones are inertia and the feathers are lift, the seeds are momentum. They are the forward-looking force that prevents the weight of the past from defining the entirety of the present.

​The invisible backpack is the ultimate portrait of humanity: a contradiction of pain and potential, sorrow and strength. To look upon another person is to recognize that they are carrying a similar, uniquely configured collection of weight and wonder.

Understanding this shared burden fosters the empathy, patience, and kindness that are the only true currency of connection on this shared, difficult, and beautiful journey.
Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi

21/11/2025

South Africa has declared gender-based violence and femicide a national disaster, amid mounting public pressure and nationwide protests.