Five Pillars Sober Living SA

12/02/2025

07/03/2024

Spiritual principle a day

March 07, 2024

Maturity in Recovery

Page 69

"As we learn to show up without anger, resentment, or fear, we develop an emotional maturity that we might not have expected."

Living Clean, Chapter 5, "Family"

There's a saying about addicts that makes sense to many of us: "Our emotional maturity was halted at the age we were when we began using." Although this idea is by no means provable, it may be useful in examining our behavior. Most of us can identify some pretty immature responses to life in our using days and early recovery--lashing out, taking everything personally, and worrying about what others think of us. Even for those of us with time in recovery, our prehistoric brain still has its moments of eat or be eaten. We can react to situations, especially in family relationships, rather childishly at times, no matter how much cleantime we have.

Science has volumes to say about how our brains and, thus, our behaviors have been affected by family relationships, abandonment and neglect, traumatic experiences, and drug use. Though Narcotics Anonymous doesn't weigh in on scientific findings, many members seek help from practitioners who do. Do some of us find outside help beneficial? Absolutely. Is it sufficient for our recovery from addiction? Not in our experience. Although we have no opinion on other paths to wellness, we subscribe to the spiritual solution that NA offers us: working the Twelve Steps.

Through stepwork, we identify our role in past conflicts in relationships and gain a better understanding of our tendencies toward self-centeredness. We examine what still provokes us today, causing us to act out in our current relationships with other recovering addicts, family members, and people outside of NA. No doubt, we have ample opportunities to amend our behavior. Perhaps most consequentially, we learn to focus on being of service to others as a strategy to stop our adolescent self-obsession in its tracks.

No matter what age we were when we first picked up, we're all works in progress. If we stay, we can grow. If we stay, we can grow up.

——— ——— ——— ——— ———

I am by no means a finished product, but today I will try to counteract my reactiveness in relationships by coming from a place of openness, acceptance, and courage

07/03/2024

Just for today

March 07, 2024

Priorities

Page 69

"The good times can also be a trap; the danger is that we may forget that our first priority is to stay clean."

Basic Text, p. 43

Things can get really good in our recovery. Perhaps we've found our "soul mate," built a rewarding career, started a family. Maybe our relationships with our family members have healed. Things are going so well, we barely have time to attend meetings. Perhaps we begin to reintegrate into society so successfully that we forget that we don't always react to situations like others do.

Maybe, just maybe, we've put some priorities ahead of themselves. Is meeting attendance still a priority with us? Do we still sponsor? Do we phone our sponsor? What step are we working? Are we still willing to drag ourselves out of bed at some ungodly hour for a Twelfth Step call? Do we remember to practice principles in all our affairs? If others in NA reach out to us, are we available? Do we remember where we came from, or have the "good times" allowed us to forget?

To stay clean, we must remember that we are only one drug away from our past. We stay grateful for the good times, but we don't let them divert us from our continuing recovery in Narcotics Anonymous.

Just for Today: I'm grateful for the good times, but I've not forgotten from where I've come. Today, my first priority is staying clean and growing in my recovery.

05/03/2024

Spiritual principle a day

March 05, 2024

Free to Simply Be

Page 67

"Letting go of the idea that we have to understand why things happen or how it all works frees us to have a spiritual experience without wondering if we're doing it right."

Living Clean, Chapter 2, "Connection to a Higher Power"

Addicts are perceptive people, or so we like to think. When we were using, we could go somewhere we'd never been and easily find either a way to get drugs or someone to use with. Our intuitions and insights often serve us well in recovery, especially as the Steps help us to improve our ability to discern between the voice of self-will and that of conscience. Learning the difference can be a challenge since the disease talks to us in our own voice. Freedom from our disease depends on it. With practice and the help of other recovering addicts, we improve our connection to our intuition and our conscience. We gain the freedom to make better choices, and our lives improve.

Trusting in the process--and in our conscience--can be scary. How can putting down the drugs make the obsession go away? How can we be sure our sponsor won't share our inventory with everyone? What happens if we let go of that defect that has been protecting us? We just don't like not knowing.

Step Two in our Basic Text tells us, "We can use this Power long before we understand it." One member shared, "I've been staying clean on a Higher Power that I don't understand for over 25 years, and I'm starting to get okay with never knowing. It still works!"

No matter how perceptive we are, our perception is limited. There are wavelengths of light not visible to the human eye, pitches of sound not perceptible to the human ear. We cannot know the totality of things. When we get okay with not knowing, we can shift our focus to what we do feel, sense, and perceive in the present. We are free to be right here, right now.

——— ——— ——— ——— ———

It's okay if I don't know. I will enjoy the freedom to just be

05/03/2024

Just for today

March 05, 2024

From rude awakening to spiritual awakening

Page 67

"When a need arises for us to admit our powerlessness, we may first look for ways to exert power against it. After exhausting these ways, we begin sharing with others and find hope."

Basic Text, p. 82

We've sometimes heard it said in our meetings that "rude awakenings lead to spiritual awakenings." What kind of rude awakenings do we have in recovery? Such an awakening might occur when some undesirable bit of our behavior that we thought safely hidden away is suddenly revealed for all the world to see. Or our sponsor might provoke such an awakening by informing us that, just like everyone else, we have to work the steps if we expect to stay clean and recover.

Most of us hate to have our covers pulled; we don't like being laid naked in full view. The experience delivers a strong dose of humility. Our first reaction to such a disclosure is usually shock and anger, yet we recognize the truth when we hear it. What we are having is a rude awakening.

Such awakenings often disclose barriers that block us from making spiritual progress in our recovery. Once those barriers are exposed, we can work the steps to begin removing them from our lives. We can begin experiencing the healing and serenity which are the preludes to a renewed awakening of the spirit.

Just for Today: I will recognize the rude awakenings I have as opportunities to grow toward spiritual awakening.

04/03/2024

Spiritual principle a day

March 04, 2024

Connecting with Our Creativity and Higher Power

Page 66

"Living fully is a creative expression of love for our Higher Power. To be fully alive, awake, and honest about who we are is a gift to us and from us."

Living Clean, Chapter 3, "Creative Action of the Spirit"

The longer we stay clean, the richer our lives become. We pursue our passions and take them where they lead us. For some of us, that means we go to school, launch careers, and start families. Others fall in love, serve our communities, and finally have time to plant a garden or take a road trip. The journey to unearth these passions--whatever they may be-- is like an archeological dig. We excavate our personal creativity, an attribute long lost and forgotten, buried in the wreckage of our active addiction.

Our relationship with a Higher Power gives us the courage to discover and embrace our true selves and give voice to our dreams. The journey through the Steps shapes our understanding of our Higher Power and ourselves. We learn who we are and who we're not and how to put one foot in front of the other to become who we want to be. We let go of old identities that no longer suit us. Our survival no longer depends on pushing people away. We're free to be our authentic selves and ready to explore all of the quirky weirdness that entails. We often find kindred spirits in the rooms, other members who are just as excited as we are about classic cars, comic books, yarn crafts, independent films, obscure festivals, or any other interest we can imagine.

We are no longer merely surviving our circumstances. In fact, we are full of life and wide awake to experience all that the world has to offer. One of the greatest gifts in recovery is the ability to embrace ourselves for who we are and open our hearts to those around us.

——— ——— ——— ——— ———

I will explore opportunities to share myself in my NA community in creative ways and strengthen my relationship with my Higher Power in the process.

04/03/2024

Just for today

March 04, 2024

The process

Page 66

"This program has become a part of me... I understand more clearly the things that are happening in my life today I no longer fight the process."

Basic Text, p. 127

In active addiction, things happened seemingly without rhyme or reason. We just "did things" often without knowing why or what the results would be. Life had little value or meaning.

The Twelve Step process gives meaning to our lives; in working the steps, we come to accept both the dark and the bright sides of ourselves. We strip away the denial that kept us from comprehending addiction's affect on us. We honestly examine ourselves, picking out the patterns in our thoughts, our feelings, and our behavior. We gain humility and perspective by fully disclosing ourselves to another human being. In seeking to have our shortcomings removed, we develop a working appreciation of our own powerlessness and the strength provided by a Power greater than we are. With our enhanced understanding of ourselves, we gain greater insight into and acceptance of others.

The Twelve Steps are the key to a process we call "life." In working the steps, they become a part of us and we become a part of the life around us. Our world is no longer meaningless; we understand more about what happens in our lives today. We no longer fight the process. Today, in working the steps, we live it.

Just for Today: Life is a process; the Twelve Steps are the key. Today, I will use the steps to participate in that process, understanding and enjoying myself and my recovery.

01/03/2024

Spiritual principle a day

March 01, 2024

Self-Acceptance and Our Sense of Belonging

Page 63

"We learn to accept and love who we are whether or not we feel like we "match" the people around us."

Living Clean, Chapter 2, "Connection to Others"

For so long, we wanted to be anyone else because we were uncomfortable in our own skin. Many of us felt like we didn't fit in anywhere. And it's no different when we first get to NA. We compared our insides to the outward appearances of others and drew the usual conclusions. All we could see were the differences--and no one looked like we felt. Not that we had a firm grip on who we were or even how we felt.

As we observe in Living Clean, ". . . our identity was built on fantasy: who we could be, would be, should be, or even who we used to be." With precious little self-knowledge, it was difficult to build the bonds of human connections. Our ability to share with or relate to others was limited at best. We justified keeping other members at arm's length with assumptions based on old thinking and outward appearances. The outsides were what seemed to matter most. One member shared, "I shielded the scared little girl inside with spikes and leather. I looked for others with similar armor, thinking maybe we could be alone together."

In recovery, we learn to act our way into better thinking. We begin by emulating people we admire and picking up new behaviors that seem to fit. We do the next right thing, knowing that we don't have to feel okay to be okay. We learn to practice love as a spiritual principle by simply listening to our fellow members.

Sometimes, we learn to love and accept others as they confront their greatest challenges-- the new member, the recent widow, the cancer survivor, the parents fighting for custody of their children. We relate to their insides: their grief, their struggle, their vulnerability as they share their pain. Moments like these bring us back to humanity. The conditions of our own brokenness may have been vastly different, but we connect based on feelings.

We let go of our old ideas about fitting in or "matching" those around us. The basis for our connections shifts to higher ground. Who needs to fit in when we belong? We learn to practice love and acceptance of ourselves and others a little more fully in this safe harbor of belonging.

——— ——— ——— ——— ———

I will examine my ideas about fitting in and discard some old thinking. Today I will practice the principle of love by looking for opportunities to connect with other members.

01/03/2024

Just for today

March 01, 2024

Anxiety attack?

Page 63

"[The] Power that brought us to this program is still with us and will continue to guide us if we allow it."

Basic Text, p. 27

Ever had a panic attack? Everywhere we turn, life's demands overwhelm us. We're paralyzed, and we don't know what to do about it. How do we break an anxiety attack?

First, we stop. We can't deal with everything at once, so we stop for a moment to let things settle. Then we take a "spot inventory" of the things that are bothering us. We examine each item, asking ourselves this question: "How important is it, really?" In most cases, we'll find that most of our fears and concerns don't need our immediate attention. We can put those aside, and focus on the issues that really need to be resolved right away. Then we stop again and ask ourselves, "Who's in control here, anyway?" This helps remind us that our Higher Power is in control. We seek our Higher Power's will for the situation, whatever it is. We can do this in any number of ways: through prayer, talks with our sponsor or NA friends, or by attending a meeting and asking others to share their experience. When our Higher Power's will becomes clear to us, we pray for the ability to carry it out. Finally, we take action.

Anxiety attacks need not paralyze us. We can utilize the resources of the NA program to deal with anything that comes our way.

Just for Today: My Higher Power has not brought me all this way in recovery only to abandon me! When anxiety strikes, I will take specific steps to seek God's continuing care and guidance.

28/02/2024

Spiritual principle a day

February 28, 2024

Reliability Matters

Page 60

"We keep our commitments, and that matters to the people around us."

Guiding Principles, Tradition One, "For Groups"

For some of us, being a member of an NA group gives us our first taste of what it feels like to be reliable. When we are new, members urge us to come to the next meeting and come back clean. Group members remember us, seem happy to see us, ask us to share or take a commitment. We keep coming back--and whether we like it or not, people begin to rely on us. "I was excited to be trusted by group members to carry on the work," a member shared. "My end of the bargain was to do the work and serve the entire term."

Even when we don't complete our service as reliably as we would expect of ourselves, serving in NA helps us get better, especially because we start to see the value of our contributions. "Our group created some service positions for newer members to get them involved," a group wrote. "When people miss the meeting, it's not a big deal. All the tasks get done. But the meeting feels so much more complete when everyone is there, doing their part. It's like music . . . you might not notice one or two voices missing from a choir, but when they're all there, it just sounds so much better."

Our families and friends might feel a little skeptical or surprised about our developing reliability. It's discouraging when people don't believe in us the way our fellow members do, but it's our actions that matter. One member wrote, "I heard someone say that 90 percent of recovery is showing up--bring the body and the mind will follow. That helped me show up for my commitment, and I used it to help me be there for my family and my job, too. People started to count on me. I began to feel like I mattered." Keeping our commitments changes the way people see us, but more importantly, it changes the way we see ourselves.

——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Reliability begins with showing up. I will show up for my life today, secure in the knowledge that I matter to others and to myself.

28/02/2024

Just for today

February 28, 2024

The greatest gift

Page 60

"Our newly found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future."

Basic Text, p. 96

When we begin coming to meetings, we hear other addicts talking about the gifts they have received as a result of this program, things we never thought of as "gifts" before. One such "gift" is the renewed ability to feel the emotions we had deadened for so long with drugs. It's not difficult to think of love, joy, and happiness as gifts, even if it's been a long time since we've felt them. But what about "bad" feelings like anger, sadness, fear, and loneliness? Such emotions can't be seen as gifts, we tell ourselves. After all, how can we be thankful for things we want to run from?!

We can become grateful for these emotions in our lives if we place them in their proper perspective. We need to remember that we've come to believe in a loving Higher Power, and we've asked that Power to care for us-and our Higher Power doesn't make mistakes. The feelings we're given, "good" or "bad" are given to us for a reason. With this in mind, we come to realize that there are no "bad" feelings, only lessons to be learned. Our faith and our Higher Power's care give us the courage we need to face whatever feelings may come up on a daily basis.

As we heard early in recovery, "Your Higher Power won't give you more than you can handle in just one day." And the ability to feel our emotions is one of the greatest gifts of recovery.

Just for Today: I will try to welcome my feelings, firm in the belief that I have the courage to face whatever emotions may come up in my life.

27/02/2024

Spiritual principle a day

February 27, 2024

Powerlessness Opens the Door

Page 59

"When we admit our powerlessness and our inability to manage our own lives, we open the door to recovery."

Basic Text, Chapter 4, "Step One"

Practicing powerlessness as a spiritual principle may seem far-fetched to many of us. Admitting defeat is a concept we're very uncomfortable with. But what's ironic is that we're already practicing powerlessness to some extent by attending our first NA meeting. And, even before that, very likely we've had our moments of crying out to something to stop this madness, this pain, begging to get well, pleading to finally get to sleep, fearing the sun coming up or going down again, promising and bargaining another time, the last time, we swear it!

The surrender of Step One is often terrifying for us because it's a threshold we can't easily back away from once we make ourselves truly vulnerable to it. Try as some of us might, we can't put the toothpaste back in the tube: We can't return to using and just forget that people like us are staying clean in NA. We admit that we're addicts, that we're powerless over our addiction, and that we cannot manage our own lives. We need power to survive, and we gain it with the help of other recovering addicts, a program, and a Higher Power.

Practicing powerlessness is not a one-time occurrence; we are faced with embracing it over and over again. "No, we get to do it over and over," a member reminds us from the podium. "I used to feel so defeated by my powerlessness. But now that I have experienced some relief from active addiction and the benefits of getting this honest about my life, I see it as a source of strength and possibility: the possibility of recovery and a better life."

Yes, we open the door to recovery. On some days, that door is flung wide open because we are wide open. On other days we can only muster a crack to let a bit of willingness flow out and our Higher Power flow in.

——— ——— ——— ——— ———

It's a relief to admit I'm powerless over my addiction--in whatever form it takes. I'll ask for help because my real power comes when I surrender.