Psychologist Practice

26/04/2021

20/01/2021

Are you a problem-solver? When your spouse comes to you with an issue, are you quick to offer a solution?

This can be a very positive trait in many areas of life. You’re action-oriented and aren’t one to wallow around in excuses or blame.

Have you ever been caught off guard by a negative reaction from your partner in response to your suggested solution? You probably thought (or said), “I was just trying to help!” and maybe felt a little hurt or annoyed yourself.

The thing is, sometimes a solution isn’t what your partner wants, or needs, or is ready for. So what do you do when they come to you in crisis or to share an issue or problem?

Here are three things you can do, in any order, depending on what feels right for your relationship and the situation:

Listen
It’s so simple, but possibly the most difficult for some of us. Just listen. Hear what they’re saying as well as the emotion behind the words. Resist the urge to interrupt, offer advice, or tell them what they should do. Utilize active listening to acknowledge and validate what they’ve expressed. You might say something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling _____ because of _____. That must be hard on you.”

Touch
A hug, a hand on their arm, a cuddle on the couch. Physical affection shows your partner in a tangible way that you’re there to support them. Granted, some people are more “touchy-feely” than others, so do what feels right for your relationship. Keep in mind that if your partner is normally the more physically affectionate one, a hug from you when they’re upset could speak volumes.

Ask
“What can I do for you?” or “What do you need from me right now?” This gives your partner the opportunity to tell you whether they’re just venting or if they are actually looking for a solution. They might not have an answer for you, and that’s okay. Not jumping in with solutions at the get-go gives them space to reflect on what they need from you – and gives you the opportunity to provide it.

As much as we’d like to, our job isn’t to solve our partner’s every problem. Not only is it unrealistic to think you’ll have a solution for everything, it also sets pretty high expectations to live up to. Let yourself off the hook. Sometimes not offering a solution is the best solution after all.

(Credit to Prepare/Enrich Blog)

25/03/2019

Follow my new Blog for interesting and insightful articles.

Please also feel free to request or suggest topics of discussion for the blog.

March 25, 2019 Understanding your emotional command systems Neuroscientist, Dr. Jack Panksepp, conducted research from which he pinned down seven distinct “emotional command systems” that exists in a person’s brain.These refer to the seven primal emotions that people have.They are; SEEKING, FE...

12/04/2017

I see you... and the rest will follow...

Couples often lose their mojo after many years together, but research suggests being more responsive could rekindle desire

12/03/2015

Are you getting married soon, but you have the following fears:
• What if we fall out of love?
• What if we end up like some couples, just existing with no love, intimacy and happiness?
• What if my personal challenges like not being able to talk about my emotions, come in the way?
• What if…. What if…. What if….?

There is no better investment than to invest in Premarital counselling from Cornelia Swart Psychologist.
Choose between couple sessions or weekend workshops.

2015 PRETORIA WEEKEND WORKSHOP DATES:
5-7 JUNE
4-6 SEPTEMBER
6-8 NOVEMBER

Only 7 couples per workshop allowed – book well in advance!
Contact cswart@absamail.co.za and visit www.premaritalcounselling.co.za for more information.

02/03/2015

Brené Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.

05/01/2015

This is an investment both of you will benefit from and your marriage will hopefully be build on a much more solid foundation. PLAN YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE YOU

29/07/2014

14/06/2014

As humans we are always presented with tough situations, many which can leave us feeling wrong or abused.
But...how do you get to a point of forgiveness in these cases?

If this sounds like you or someone you know - here’s a great article I want to share on the topic: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/02/how-to-forgive-those-who-have-wronged-you/

Have you ever felt wronged or abused by someone? Everyone at some point or another has felt disappointed in and disillusioned by others' words or actions. We

16/05/2014

Common Issues for all Married Couples


Communication
In 76% of marriages, one or both spouses said, "I wish my partner were more willing to share his/her feelings."
69% of couples report, "I sometimes have difficulty asking my partner for what I want."

Finances
72% of the time, one or both spouses said, "I wish my partner was more careful about spending money."
A full 71% of couples report, "We have trouble saving money."

S*x
68% of those surveyed said, "I am dissatisfied with the amount of affection I receive from my partner."
66% of married couples express concern about "differing levels of s*xual interest."

Parenting
82% of married couples report, "Having children has reduced our marital satisfaction."
This may be caused in part by the fact that 64% of couples say, "My partner focuses more on the children than on our marriage."

Personality Issues
87% of couples indicate, "My partner is sometimes too stubborn."
83% of the time, one or both report, "My partner is too negative or critical."

Conflict
In 78% of marriages, one or both partners, "go out of their way to avoid conflict."
77% of couples say, "We have different ideas about the best way to solve our disagreements."


Communication, money, s*x . . . these are common issues for all couples. If you are struggling in your marriage, you may be tempted to believe you're the only one who feels the way you do. Be assured, you are not alone; all couples have challenges they need to overcome.