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Ryan Erispe Consulting & Therapy

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Ryan Erispe Consulting & Therapy

14/11/2025

Masculinity and Safety

Recently, in a session, a client said something that stopped me in my tracks.

As he began developing more emotional awareness, learning to name feelings, soften his defences, and show vulnerability, he suddenly paused and said:

“This version of me wouldn’t survive where I come from.”

That line hit hard.

Because he wasn’t wrong.

For many men, the identities we build aren’t just choices. They are survival strategies, crafted in families, neighbourhoods, and cultures where emotional openness is punished, where sensitivity is read as weakness, and where the cost of vulnerability can be social, psychological, or even physical.

And here’s the important part:
None of this takes away personal responsibility.
He still has work to do. He still has choices to make. He still has to decide who he wants to be going forward and what patterns he’s willing to challenge.

But his story also reminds us that personal responsibility does not exist in a vacuum.

He wasn’t resisting growth, he was naming the reality of the environment he has to return to.
That matters.
It matters because emotional health shouldn’t require someone to abandon the very traits that once kept them safe.
It matters because change often means stepping into unfamiliar emotional territory without knowing if the world around you will meet you with support or punishment.

And it matters because his moment of clarity highlights three truths:

1. These defences deserve compassion, not judgment.
They were built for survival. Not weakness.

2. This is not just an individual issue.
Yes, each person is accountable for their healing.
But the forces shaping masculinity, family systems, schools, communities, peer groups, cultural norms, are much bigger than any single person.

3. We need deeper conversations on a broader level.
If men are telling us that becoming healthier might make them unsafe in their own environments, then the work can’t stop in therapy rooms.
We need to challenge outdated ideas of strength and create spaces where emotional literacy is not only allowed but valued.

Because until society shifts, too many men will continue believing that the emotionally healthy version of themselves “won’t survive”,even when that version is the one they desperately want to grow into.

Safe spaces need to extend beyond therapy rooms and treatment centres!

13/11/2025

🪴 From Surviving to Serving: A Journey Through Addiction and Recovery

👦 I grew up surrounded by the chaos of domestic violence, substance abuse, and the constant struggle to belong. Like many from the Cape Flats in Cape Town, South Africa, I witnessed and lived through the trauma that often comes with that environment... gangsterism, drugs, and the deep sense of hopelessness that follows.

As a teenager, I battled substance abuse and depression. I lost count of how many treatment centres and counselling services I accessed, each one teaching me something new, even when I didn’t realise it.

🐦 In my early 20s, after finally finding my footing in recovery, I began volunteering as a support worker at a local treatment centre. Over the years, I worked my way up through the ranks, eventually becoming Head of Treatment at that same facility. That experience grounded my belief that recovery and leadership are both built on humility, consistency, and service.

Later, I started my own addiction service... a project born out of passion and a genuine desire to help. When COVID hit, it was one of many small ventures that didn’t survive the restrictions. Still, the lessons and purpose behind it continued to shape how I lead and work today.

Since then, my path has taken me across borders, working as a therapist at one of South Africa’s top rehabs, consulting for the Seychelles government to develop their inpatient and harm reduction programmes, managing a clinical team in Thailand, and now leading a world-class addiction treatment centre with top professionals from the USA, UK, Holland, India, South Africa, Russia, Thailand, and Mauritius.
🇿🇦 🇲🇺 🇬🇧 🇳🇱 🇷🇺 🇹🇭 🇺🇸 🇮🇳

These days, my role is less about doing the therapy myself and more about guiding those who do, overseeing our support, nursing, and clinical teams, and staying closely involved in each client’s process from pre-admission to discharge.

🧘‍♂️ What keeps me grounded is the same thing that once helped me find my way out a sense of purpose. Not just mine, but the spark that appears when someone begins to believe that recovery might be possible for them too. Titles, countries, or accolades aside, that’s what this work has always been about for me: helping people rediscover that sense of possibility.

🌟 My philosophy is simple , humanity before technique. Because no method or model can replace genuine connection, compassion, and respect for the human being in front of you.

Because when purpose returns, change follows

08/08/2025

🌿 Therapy Isn’t About Changing You, It’s About Coming Home to You 🌿

Too often, we frame the therapeutic process as one of self-improvement, of helping someone “become better” or “fix what’s broken.” But at its essence, therapy is not about changing people into something else. It’s about helping them reconnect with the parts of themselves that have been pushed aside, exiled, or burdened over time.

The struggles clients bring into the room, anxiety, overfunctioning, shutdown, self-criticism, difficulty trusting, chronic shame, are not signs that something is wrong with them. They are parts that learned to protect in very intelligent ways. These are adaptations that arose to keep the system safe in environments that may have been unsafe, neglectful, overwhelming, or emotionally unpredictable.

These parts were never the problem. They were the system’s solution. And over time, those protective roles can become rigid, overworked, and disconnected from the Self. Therapy is the space where we can gently witness these parts, get curious about their stories, and begin to unburden them ....not because they are bad, but because they’ve carried so much for so long.

This is not a process of becoming worthy or becoming lovable. Worthiness and lovability are never up for question. They are not earned through healing. They are innate, always there, often covered but never gone. Therapy doesn’t create them , it helps parts remember that truth.

For those of us in the field, it’s vital to remember that the work is not about striving toward some perfected Self. It’s about creating space for all parts to be seen, heard, and understood. It’s about compassionately unblending from the harsh inner critics, the collapsed parts, the masks, and helping the system reorganize around the Self that has always been there.

Healing, then, is not self-improvement...it is self-reclamation.

And in that reclamation, we don’t create a new identity.
We uncover the one that has always been there , waiting, intact!

💬 Which parts of you are ready to be witnessed with compassion?

Danielle Du Plessis Consulting & Counselling
Recovery Walk Cape Town
Anxiety & Depression Support UK & Ireland
Cape Town Drug Counselling Centre

17/07/2025

Therapist dad with newborn 😆

“Is he avoiding eye contact because I didn’t sing to him enough today?”

“Do babies know if you haven’t healed your inner child yet?”

“Is this crying a secure protest or the foundation of an avoidant attachment style?”

“Am I co-regulating or just pacing around like an anxious Golden Retriever?”

“What if my baby’s first memory is me frantically Googling ‘normal newborn noises’?”

“Should I be narrating his emotions out loud right now? Or am I interrupting his nervous system?”

“Is he going to tell his therapist in 25 years that I was too emotionally available?”

“Does he feel the pressure of my intergenerational healing journey??”

Meanwhile, baby:
🍼😴💩

---

What I’m learning (and unlearning):
🧘 You don’t need to be a perfect parent — just a present one.
📉 Ruining their life takes more than forgetting tummy time.
🔁 It’s not about doing it all right, it’s about doing the repair when it goes sideways.
💡 Babies don’t need therapists. They need dads who try, care, and keep showing up.
💪 Love + snacks + survival is actually a pretty solid foundation.

To my fellow therapist dads:
If you’ve ever whispered “polyvagal theory” to yourself like a spell while bouncing on a yoga ball .. you’re not alone. You’re doing great. You're not the trauma. You're just exhausted.
Danielle Du Plessis Consulting & Counselling

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