24/10/2025
Diane van Dyk
The Unseen Grief...Losing A Sibling
Sibling loss is a strange kind of sorrow, one that often slips quietly beneath the surface of public mourning. When a brother or sister passes away, the world tends to look first toward the parents, the spouse, or even the children of the deceased.
Yet the sibling, standing somewhere in the middle, is often left to grieve in silence.
People don’t always know what to say to someone who’s lost a sibling. They might offer a polite condolence before shifting focus to the ‘closer’ relatives. Society rarely talks about how that loss shatters the foundation of who you are.
Your sibling is your co-author in childhood, your mirror in family dynamics, your link to shared memories no one else can fully understand. When they’re gone, part of your personal history disappears with them.
Here’s the thing…this overlooked grief can be isolating.
You might feel as though you’re expected to be strong for your parents or to move forward before your heart is ready. Even well-meaning friends sometimes minimize it, assuming the pain is somehow less than that of other losses. But the truth is, sibling grief is just as profound, quieter, and less seen.
It can make you feel invisible, mourning someone while being expected to hold everything else together. There’s an ache in realizing that no one will ask how ‘you’re’ coping, because few realize how intertwined your lives truly were. It’s not just the loss of a sibling, it’s the loss of shared birthdays, inside jokes, old arguments, and that lifelong familiarity of being known from the very beginning.
Honoring this kind of grief means giving it a voice. It’s recognizing that your pain matters too, that it deserves empathy, not dismissal.
Sibling loss may be overlooked by others, but for those who live it, it’s a defining loss, reshaping who you are and how you move through the world.
In speaking about it...you reclaim space for healing.
And in remembering your sibling out loud, you remind others that every bond we lose leaves its mark.
No matter how quietly the world acknowledges it.
Gary Sturgis