Hendrien van der Bijl- Imago Relationship Therapy

Hendrien van der Bijl- Imago Relationship Therapy 🩷Therapist, married millennial, emotional translator. Helping couples stop living like polite strangers. Take the quiz. Get the guide. Do the work.👇

13/03/2026

Not the obvious ones.

Not cheating.
Not screaming fights.

The ones that look like being responsible.
Being strong.
Being the one who “holds everything together.”

Especially if you’re the over-performer.

The one who always has it handled.
Always knows the right answer.
Always keeps control.

Here are 5 hard truths:

1️⃣ Always being right kills intimacy.
If one person is always correct, the other slowly disappears.

2️⃣ Control feels safe to you… but suffocating to your partner.
Connection needs space, not perfection.

3️⃣ Doing everything breeds quiet resentment.
You become the hero and the victim at the same time.

4️⃣ “I’ll just handle it” teaches your partner they’re not needed.
And people eventually withdraw from where they feel unnecessary.

5️⃣ Burnout turns love into criticism.
You’re exhausted… but instead of asking for help, you start proving your partner isn’t enough.

Here’s the perspective shift most couples never see:

Your marriage isn’t breaking because your partner is failing.

It’s breaking because the pattern rewards performance more than connection.

Marriage doesn’t need a hero.

It needs two humans who feel safe enough to stop performing.

If this hit a nerve, save this.

And if you’re ready to break the pattern instead of proving you’re right…

Comment GUIDE.





The best investment you’ll ever make in your marriage isn’t a holiday, a bigger house, or hoping things will magically g...
12/03/2026

The best investment you’ll ever make in your marriage isn’t a holiday, a bigger house, or hoping things will magically get better.

It’s learning how to show up for each other without losing yourselves in the process.

Most couples don’t struggle because they don’t love each other.
They struggle because no one ever taught them the skills of emotional safety, repair, and connection.

That’s the work we do together.

Not choosing between your needs or your partner’s needs…
but learning how to create a relationship where both of you can turn toward each other again.

When couples understand the pattern they’re stuck in, the shift can be profound.

If your relationship feels stuck but you know there’s still something worth fighting for, it may be time to invest in the one thing that truly matters, your connection.

Comment START or send me a message if you’d like to explore the next step.

11/03/2026

Comment GUIDE and I’ll send you the link

When a woman suggests therapy, it often isn’t the first sign something is wrong.
It is usually one of many signs.

She has often already tried to talk.
Already tried to explain.
Already tried to reconnect.
Already tried to get through.

And when nothing changes, she asks for outside help.

But for a lot of men, that lands badly.
Not because they are bad men.
Because it can feel like failure.
Like being told, “You can’t fix what is happening in your own home.”

So they wait.
They try a little.
They hope it will pass.
They tell themselves it is not that bad.

But unresolved pain does not disappear.
It builds.
It lingers.
And eventually the marriage moves from disconnection… to damage control.

Then suddenly it is urgent.
Now she is talking about leaving.
Now he is ready.
Now he wants to fight for it.

But leadership starts before the emergency.

If you are a husband, this is where you take the lead.
Not because you are the villain.
Not because everything is your fault.
But because someone has to go first.

Someone has to break the pattern.
Someone has to lower the defensiveness.
Someone has to create enough safety for repair to begin.

That does not mean becoming someone you are not.
It means learning how to change the dynamic so your wife can feel emotionally safe with you again.

And when a woman feels emotionally safe, she is far more likely to soften.
To trust again.
To open again.
To become affectionate, warm, and responsive again.

If your marriage has been carrying tension, distance, or unresolved hurt, do not wait for a breaking point.

Get the guide today.
Small steps can shift a marriage before it becomes a crisis.

Comment GUIDE and I’ll send you the link

Most couples don’t divorce because of one big mistake.They divorce because of patterns they repeat for years.Same fight....
10/03/2026

Most couples don’t divorce because of one big mistake.

They divorce because of patterns they repeat for years.

Same fight.
Same shutdown.
Same distance.

And the scary part?

Most couples don’t even see the pattern they’re in.

Once you see it… you can change it.

Save this so you remember the patterns.
Share it with someone who needs it.

And if you recognise your marriage in this…

Comment GUIDE and I’ll send you the strategy that breaks the cycle.


Most men think something is wrong with their marriage.So they try harder.Talk less.Avoid fights.Work more.And when that ...
06/03/2026

Most men think something is wrong with their marriage.

So they try harder.
Talk less.
Avoid fights.
Work more.

And when that doesn’t work… they start wondering if they married the wrong person.

But here’s the truth most couples never realise:

The first years of marriage aren’t when you fail.

They’re when you discover no one ever taught you the skills.

No one taught you how to:
• handle emotional intensity
• repair after conflict
• create emotional safety
• stop the pursue–withdraw cycle

So when things get hard, it feels like you’re losing.

And when a man feels like he can’t win… he stops playing.

That’s where distance begins.

Not because you don’t love each other.
Because you’re stuck in a pattern you don’t understand.

The moment you see the pattern, you can change it.

That’s exactly why I created Don’t Rage Quit Your Marriage, a practical guide that teaches the skills most men were never shown.

Before you walk away from something that might be fixable…

Comment GUIDE and I’ll send it to you.

Don’t get me wrong.Women need to do the work too.Marriage is never fixed by one person alone.Both husband and wife are r...
03/03/2026

Don’t get me wrong.

Women need to do the work too.

Marriage is never fixed by one person alone.
Both husband and wife are responsible for growth, repair, and emotional maturity.

But someone has to take the first step.

And traditionally, and powerfully, men lead.

Not with control.
Not with dominance.
But with grounded, masculine energy.

Masculine energy stabilises.
It protects.
It creates structure.
It sets the tone.

Feminine energy flows.

When a woman feels emotionally safe, she softens.
She opens.
She reconnects.
She becomes affectionate, responsive, alive.

But safety has to come first.

If you:

• Stop shutting down
• Regulate instead of react
• Take ownership without defensiveness
• Learn how to create emotional safety

Her nervous system relaxes.

And when a woman feels safe, she naturally becomes the wife you’ve been longing for.

You don’t get a loving wife by demanding softness.

You get her by leading with steadiness.

Marriage isn’t personality.
It’s skill.

You can start small.

Get the guide.
Or book a free strategy call.

Either way, lead.

Comment START and take the first step.

02/03/2026

If marriage is a skill, why are you sitting in sessions week after week for years… just talking about the same fight?

Long, drawn-out therapy often keeps couples processing the problem instead of interrupting the pattern.

One hour a week.
Then back into the same triggers.
Same shutdown.
Same escalation.

That drags it out.

I don’t work like that.

I teach you the mechanics of your negative cycle.
I show you the exact skill set behind emotional safety, regulation, and repair.
And we do it in a focused, structured period.

Because when you understand the pattern and know the moves, you don’t need endless sessions.

You need clarity.
Practice.
Leadership.

And the shift?

It’s almost immediate.

When a husband stops withdrawing…
When a wife feels emotionally safe…
When both realise it’s not “me vs you” but “us vs the cycle”…

Everything changes.

Couples transform quickly when they finally learn the skill.

You can start small.

Get the guide: Don’t Rage Quit Your Marriage
Or book a focused Marriage Reset Intensive.

Either way, stop dragging it out.

Comment START and I’ll send you the next step.




Before you book therapy.Before another draining conversation.Before you quietly check out…Start here.Most men don’t need...
28/02/2026

Before you book therapy.
Before another draining conversation.
Before you quietly check out…

Start here.

Most men don’t need more talking.
They need a strategy.

Don’t Rage Quit Your Marriage breaks down:

• Why you’ve been shutting down
• Why she escalates when you go quiet
• What emotional safety actually means
• The exact moves that shift the pattern

This isn’t therapy.
It’s preparation.

Therapy works better when you understand the cycle first.
When you realise it’s not her vs you, it’s both of you vs the pattern.

And here’s what matters:

When you stop withdrawing…
When you take ownership…
When you initiate repair…

Her nervous system softens.

The whole marriage shifts.

Wives, if this sounds like him, send it to him.

If you feel disconnected but don’t actually want to quit…

This is your first step.

Comment GUIDE to transform your relationship today.

28/02/2026

Most men don’t leave their marriage because they don’t care.

They leave because they feel disconnected.
They feel emotionally shut down.
They feel like nothing they do is right.
They feel like they can’t win.

If you’ve ever thought:
• “I feel disconnected from my wife.”
• “I don’t know how to fix my marriage.”
• “Why do I shut down when she gets emotional?”
• “Maybe we’re just incompatible.”
• “I’m tired of feeling like the bad guy.”

Pause.

You may not have a broken marriage.
You may have an unlearned skill set.

No one taught you:
• How to handle emotional intensity in marriage
• How to rebuild trust after distance
• How to stop withdrawing during conflict
• How to create emotional safety without losing yourself
• How to save your marriage as a husband

Marriage isn’t just compatibility.
It’s regulation.
Repair.
Responsibility.
Leadership.

And when a man feels like he can’t win, he stops playing.

Before you check out.
Before you consider divorce.
Before you accept a quiet, emotionally distant marriage…

Make sure you’re not quitting something you were never shown how to do.

I wrote Don’t Rage Quit Your Marriage for men who feel disconnected, emotionally distant, or unsure how to fix their marriage, especially husbands who love their wife but feel stuck.

If you’re thinking about leaving but still love your wife…

Start here.

Get the guide.

Address

106 Shirley Avenue
Pretoria
0081

Opening Hours

Monday 09:00 - 17:00
Tuesday 09:00 - 17:00
Wednesday 09:00 - 17:00
Thursday 09:00 - 17:00
Friday 09:00 - 16:00

Telephone

+27836102892

Website

https://www.imago.joburg/SRSRQUIZ

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