Hendrien van der Bijl- Imago Relationship Therapy

Hendrien van der Bijl- Imago Relationship Therapy 🩷Therapist, married millennial, emotional translator. Helping couples stop living like polite strangers. Take the quiz. Get the guide. Do the work.👇

Maybe you do not need more time to heal. Maybe you need new experiences that show your nervous system that love can feel...
19/04/2026

Maybe you do not need more time to heal. Maybe you need new experiences that show your nervous system that love can feel safe, steady, and different. Healing in relationships happens when old pain meets a new pattern.

Start your relationship journey today. DM START to begin.

You and your partner can love each other deeply and still feel disconnected when you’re not speaking the same emotional ...
15/04/2026

You and your partner can love each other deeply and still feel disconnected when you’re not speaking the same emotional language.

That doesn’t mean the relationship is broken. It often means the love is being expressed in ways that are not fully landing.

The work is not to prove who loves harder.
The work is to understand:
How do I naturally give love?
How does my partner naturally receive it?
And how do we meet each other there?

Different love languages are not a dead end.
They are an invitation to become more intentional.

Tell me in the comments: what makes you feel most loved: words, touch, time, help, or gifts?

“I don’t know how to talk to you anymore” is usually not about one person using the wrong words.It’s what happens when t...
08/04/2026

“I don’t know how to talk to you anymore” is usually not about one person using the wrong words.

It’s what happens when too much hurt, tension, defensiveness, and misunderstanding have built up between you.
So now even small things feel big.
A question sounds like blame.
A comment sounds like criticism.
A normal conversation feels like danger.

That’s why trying to “say it nicer” does not always work.
Because when the space between you feels unsafe, the nervous system reacts before the words even get a chance.

This is the mindshift:
It’s not just a communication problem.
It’s a safety problem.
A disconnection problem.
A nervous system problem.

And until that gets understood, both people will keep feeling like the other one is the problem.

Follow along for more relational mindshifts.

07/04/2026

You probably don’t need a breakup.
You need a better conversation.

As a therapist, I see this all the time.
Two people still love each other, but they keep missing each other in every hard talk.

More hurt. More silence. More distance.

That does not always mean the relationship is over.
It often means you need help talking in a way that feels safe.

That’s why I made this guide.

If that’s you, comment READY to change the way your conversations go.

31/03/2026

They did what so many people dream of doing.

They started with very little.
Worked hard.
Kept going.
Built a home.
Built a family.
Built a life that once felt impossible.

The kind of life they wanted for themselves,
for their children,
and for the children after that.

On paper, they were doing well.
Maybe even better than well.

Responsible.
Driven.
Committed.
Successful.

But inside the marriage, something soft was slowly disappearing.

They could not remember the last time they laughed and really meant it.
The last time a touch felt easy.
The last time a kiss felt natural.
The last time a joke landed without tension.
The last time intimacy flowed without effort, pressure, or distance.

They were successful in everything.
Except loving each other well.

And that is the part people miss.

Because a marriage does not always fall apart with one big explosion.
Sometimes it fades quietly while two good people stay busy building a life…
but stop making space to actually feel close inside it.

That is the mind shift:

The problem is not always that you need to try harder.
Sometimes the problem is that you have been surviving so long,
you forgot how to slow down and find each other again.

That is what my intensive helps couples do.

Not add more.
Not fix everything overnight.
Not force more exhausting conversations.

But finally breathe again.
Pause again.
Hear each other again.
Touch each other again.
Redirect before the distance becomes the new normal.

Because what is more painful than building a beautiful life together…
and then realizing you may not actually get to enjoy it together?

If nothing changes, what will your relationship feel like a year from now?
Still successful on the outside… but empty where it matters most?

If you know something precious is being lost between you, don’t wait for the damage to deepen. DM me “INTENSIVE” or click the link in my bio to take the first step.

30/03/2026

A lot of couples think fixing conflict means
talking more, explaining better, or proving their point harder.

But that usually just makes the fight bigger.

Think of it like this:

If two little kids are both upset,
you do not make them yell louder so they can understand each other.

You help them calm down first.

That is how grown-up conflict works too.

My 3-step conflict repair strategy:

1. Stop
Do not keep talking when both of you are upset.
Pause. Breathe. Get your body calm.

2. Soften
Say one small, gentle thing.
Like:
“I do not want to fight you.”
“I want us to understand each other.”
“I’m hurt, not against you.”

3. Stay curious
Ask:
“Can you help me understand what hurt you?”
Not:
“Why are you always like this?”

That is how fights start feeling safer.

Not because you used fancier words.
But because you made the space feel safe enough to talk in.

Small change. Big difference.

Save this if you’re tired of having the same fight on repeat.


A lot of couples think the answer is better words.But if the conversation already feels unsafe, even the right words can...
29/03/2026

A lot of couples think the answer is better words.
But if the conversation already feels unsafe, even the right words can still go badly.

Because the issue is often not just communication.
It is whether the space between you feels safe enough for honesty, listening, and repair.

That is why the same fight keeps repeating.

Save this if you’re tired of having the same fight on repeat.

And if you want to understand the pattern keeping you stuck, take the free quiz in my bio.

Address

106 Shirley Avenue
Pretoria
0081

Opening Hours

Monday 09:00 - 17:00
Tuesday 09:00 - 17:00
Wednesday 09:00 - 17:00
Thursday 09:00 - 17:00
Friday 09:00 - 16:00

Telephone

+27836102892

Website

https://www.imago.joburg/SRSRQUIZ

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