The Counsellor

15/02/2026

Green Flags in a Healthy Relationship: What to Look For

In the search for a fulfilling partnership, it’s easy to focus on red flags—behaviors that signal trouble—but it’s equally important to recognize the green flags: signs that your relationship is built on respect, trust, and mutual growth. Here are some key indicators that you are in a healthy and nurturing relationship.

1. You Feel Safe to Express Yourself

A foundational green flag is the freedom to speak your mind without fear of judgment, ridicule, or reprisal. When you feel heard and understood, even in difficult conversations, it signals that your partner values your perspective and emotional honesty.

2. Disagreements Don’t Threaten the Relationship

Conflict is inevitable in any partnership, but in a healthy relationship, disagreements aren’t seen as threats—they are opportunities for growth. Both partners can discuss differences calmly, seek understanding, and resolve conflicts without fear that a single argument will destroy the connection.

3. Friendships Are Encouraged

A supportive partner celebrates your friendships and personal interests rather than isolating you. Encouraging outside connections reflects respect for your autonomy and reinforces the idea that a healthy relationship doesn’t require sacrificing your social life.

4. Boundaries Are Respected

Physical, emotional, and personal boundaries are non-negotiable in a thriving partnership. Whether it’s intimate touch, communication styles, or personal belongings, a partner who respects your limits demonstrates awareness, consideration, and care for your comfort and safety.

5. You Are Respected

Mutual respect underpins every green flag. Feeling respected means your opinions, decisions, and identity are honored. This is not just about politeness—it’s about a consistent recognition of your value as an equal partner.

6. You Are Appreciated

Small gestures of gratitude, recognition of your efforts, and acknowledgment of your presence go a long way. Feeling appreciated fosters emotional closeness and reinforces the idea that your partner genuinely values you.

7. You Are Positioned Above All Else

In a healthy relationship, your partner prioritizes your well-being and the relationship itself. This doesn’t mean neglecting personal goals, but it does mean that when choices are made, the partnership and your mutual happiness are front and center.

8. Accountability Is Shared

Each partner takes responsibility for their words, actions, and behaviors. Owning mistakes without deflecting blame builds trust and ensures that the relationship is a safe space for growth, learning, and mutual support.

Green flags in a relationship are the markers of a safe, supportive, and loving partnership. They show up in the ways you communicate, respect boundaries, handle conflict, and celebrate each other. Recognizing these positive signs is just as important as spotting red flags—they are the foundation for a relationship that can endure challenges, foster personal growth, and bring lasting happiness.

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Image Amanda Oleander Art

14/02/2026

When you feel more lonely in a relationship than you did when you were single, you need to do some honest self-reflection, and likely a serious reassessment of the relationship itself.

Those who are emotionally regulated and self-aware are not meant to function as rehabilitation systems for those who are unwilling to take responsibility for themselves. It is not your role to fix, re-educate, reform, parent, or emotionally prepare another adult for a future relationship.

A healthy partnership is collaborative. It involves mutual effort, accountability, and growth, not one person carrying the psychological labor while the other resists change.

Chronically ungrateful individuals often operate from entitlement, insecurity, or narcissistic traits. In these dynamics, your efforts are rarely experienced as sufficient. Consistency, empathy, and care are not internalized; instead, they are minimized, criticized, or reframed as inadequate. This is not a failure on your part, but a limitation in their capacity for reciprocity and insight.

Psychological well-being depends on alignment. If you are emotionally healthy, seek relational equals. Prolonged exposure to emotionally exploitative dynamics can erode self-worth, distort boundaries, and diminish your capacity for empathy. Protecting your psychological integrity is not selfish, it is essential.

12/02/2026

11/02/2026

Kind Words on Unkind Days

We rarely know what someone else is carrying.

Pain is not something most people wear openly. Struggle is not a badge of honor, and suffering is often hidden behind routine smiles, polite replies, and quiet endurance. When life is being unkind, many people retreat inward, not because they don’t need support, but because asking for it feels too heavy, too vulnerable, or too risky.

That is why kindness matters more than we realize.

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you cannot see. Some are grieving. Some are exhausted. Some are lonely in ways that words cannot explain. And many are doing everything they can just to make it through the day without falling apart.

So be gentle. With everyone.

There will come a time when life is unkind to you too. No one is exempt from hardship, loss, or despair. We all take turns standing strong and leaning on others. The way we treat people now becomes the world we will one day need ourselves.

When you do know that someone is struggling, choose your words carefully. Avoid easy clichés and well-meaning dismissals like “don’t be so negative,” “stay positive,” or “stop complaining.” These phrases may sound encouraging, but to someone in pain, they often feel silencing, invalidating, or lonely.

Instead, offer presence over advice.

Say:
• “How can I help you?”
• “How can I make today a little easier for you?”
• “I’m here with you.”

And sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is simply listen, without fixing, correcting, or minimizing. Silence, when it is compassionate, can be far more supportive than forced optimism.

We are living in a time where loneliness, depression, and emotional isolation are rising. Many people feel unseen, unheard, or forgotten. Your words, kind or unkind, carry more weight than you may ever know.

Kindness does not require grand gestures. It begins with patience. With curiosity instead of judgment. With choosing empathy even when it’s inconvenient.

Be kind on unkind days.
Not because everyone deserves perfection, but because everyone deserves humanity.

And sometimes, a single kind moment can be the reason someone keeps going.

©️ The Counsellor

10/02/2026

09/02/2026

Why some people can’t sleep without a blanket — even in the heat

Written by Dr. Lynne McCarthy ©️

For many people, sleeping under a blanket has very little to do with temperature. It’s about safety.

Psychologically, blankets act as a modern security object. Similar to how children use comfort items, the gentle pressure and enclosure provide the nervous system with a sense of containment. This activates the parasympathetic response — lowering cortisol, slowing heart rate, and signaling the brain that it’s safe to rest.

There’s also an evolutionary layer. Humans are wired to be vulnerable during sleep. Being covered reduces sensory exposure and creates the illusion of protection from potential threats, even when no real danger exists. The brain prioritizes perceived safety over logic.

For some, this preference is stronger due to heightened anxiety, stress, or a naturally more vigilant nervous system. The blanket becomes a boundary — separating the self from the external world and allowing the mind to disengage.

In short:
It’s not about warmth.
It’s about regulation.
And the brain sleeps best when it feels protected.

Copyright ©️ The Counsellor

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08/02/2026

People often ask me if a broken heart has an effect on your heart.

The answer is YES

Broken heart syndrome is a heart condition that's often brought on by stressful situations and extreme emotions. The condition also can be triggered by a serious physical illness or surgery. Broken heart syndrome is usually temporary. But some people may continue to feel unwell after the heart is healed.

People with broken heart syndrome may have sudden chest pain or think they're having a heart attack. Broken heart syndrome affects just part of the heart. It briefly interrupts the way the heart pumps blood. The rest of the heart continues to work as usual. Sometimes the heart contracts more forcefully.

Medicines are used to treat symptoms of broken heart syndrome.

Broken heart syndrome may also be called:
•Stress cardiomyopathy.
•Takotsubo cardiomyopathy.
•Recurrent takotsubo cardiomyopathy.
•Apical ballooning syndrome.

Symptoms

Symptoms of broken heart syndrome can mimic those of a heart attack.
Symptoms may include:
•Chest pain.
•Shortness of breath.

When to see a doctor

Any continued chest pain could be due to a heart attack or anxiety attack. Call your doctor if you have a very rapid or irregular heartbeat or shortness of breath.

Causes

The exact cause of broken heart syndrome is unclear. It's thought that a surge of stress hormones, such as adrenaline, might damage the hearts of some people for a short time. How these hormones might hurt the heart or whether something else is the cause isn't completely clear.

A temporary squeezing of the large or small arteries of the heart may play a role in the development of broken heart syndrome. People who have broken heart syndrome also may have a change in the structure of the heart muscle.

An intense physical or emotional event often comes before broken heart syndrome. Anything that causes a strong emotional reaction may trigger the condition.

Examples include:
•Sudden illness such as an asthma attack.
•Major surgery.
•Sudden broken bone.
•Death of a loved one or other loss.
•Strong argument.

Rarely, use of certain medicines or illegal drugs may lead to broken heart syndrome. They include:
•Emergency medicines used to treat severe allergic reactions or severe asthma attacks.
•Some medicines used to treat anxiety.
•Medicines used to treat a stuffy nose.
•Illegal stimulant drugs, such as methamphetamine and co***ne.

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Book a visit https://g.co/kgs/h5TpFnz

Always tell your healthcare team about the medicines you take, including those bought without a prescription. When starting a new medicine, talk to your care team about the potential risks and side effects.

How is broken heart syndrome different from a heart attack?

Heart attack is generally caused by a complete or near-complete blockage of a heart artery. In broken heart syndrome, the heart arteries are not blocked. But blood flow in the arteries of the heart may be reduced.

Risk factors

Risk factors for broken heart syndrome include:
•Sex
Broken heart syndrome is more common in women than in men.
•Age
Most people who have broken heart syndrome are older than 50.
•Mental health conditions.
People who have had or have anxiety or depression may have a higher risk of broken heart syndrome.
•Severe stress, such as a breakup or divorce

Complications

Most people who have broken heart syndrome quickly recover and usually don't have long-lasting effects. But sometimes the condition comes back. This is called recurrent takotsubo cardiomyopathy.

Rarely, broken heart syndrome can cause death.

Complications of broken heart syndrome include:
•Backup of fluid into the lungs, called pulmonary edema.
•Low blood pressure.
•Irregular heartbeats, called arrhythmias.
•Heart failure.
•Blood clots in the heart.

Prevention

To prevent another episode of broken heart syndrome, many healthcare professionals recommend long-term treatment with beta blockers or similar medicines. These medicines block the potentially harmful effects of stress hormones on the heart.

Having chronic stress may increase the risk of broken heart syndrome. Taking steps to manage emotional stress can improve heart health and may help prevent broken heart syndrome.

Some ways to reduce and manage stress include:
•Get more exercise.
•Practice mindfulness.
•Connect with others in support groups.
•Seek Counselling.

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08/02/2026

The Psychology of Grey Hair: Stress, Behavior, and the Mind-Body Connection

Grey hair is often considered a natural marker of aging, yet for many, the onset of premature greying can carry significant psychological and social implications. While genetics and nutrition establish the biological foundation for hair pigmentation, recent research increasingly highlights the role of stress, behavior, and psychosocial factors in influencing when and how hair turns grey.

Biological Foundations

Hair color is determined by melanin, produced by melanocytes in the hair follicle. A reduction or loss of melanin leads to grey or white hair. Genetics is the strongest predictor of when greying begins, with specific genes like IRF4 and Bcl2 influencing melanocyte function and resilience (Bouchard et al., 2016). Nutritional factors, such as deficiencies in copper, vitamin B12, and folate, can exacerbate the process by impairing melanin synthesis (Raha et al., 2018).

However, biology alone does not explain why some individuals experience rapid greying at an early age, particularly in the absence of known nutritional deficiencies or autoimmune conditions. This gap has directed attention toward psychological factors.

Stress and Premature Greying

Psychological stress triggers a cascade of physiological responses, including activation of the sympathetic nervous system and release of stress hormones like cortisol. Recent studies in mice and humans suggest that chronic stress can deplete melanocyte stem cells in hair follicles, accelerating the transition to grey hair (Zhang et al., 2020).

From a psychological perspective, the experience of premature greying can also generate a feedback loop of stress. Individuals may feel self-conscious, anxious, or socially pressured, particularly in cultures where youthfulness is highly valued. This stress may, in turn, further accelerate hair depigmentation—a mind-body interplay reflecting the broader psychosomatic principle that emotional states can influence physical outcomes.

Behavioral and Lifestyle Considerations

Certain behaviors linked to stress and lifestyle may also impact greying. Smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, poor sleep, and chronic work-related stress increase oxidative stress in the body, which can damage melanocytes (Tobin & Paus, 2001). Conversely, protective behaviors—regular exercise, meditation, and adequate nutrition—may mitigate stress-induced greying, although direct causality in humans is still under investigation.

Psychosocial Implications

The timing and perception of grey hair can affect self-esteem, identity, and social interactions. Studies indicate that individuals experiencing premature greying often report feelings of aging, reduced attractiveness, and even workplace bias. Understanding the psychosocial dimension is critical for psychologists, counselors, and healthcare professionals, as interventions may include stress management strategies, lifestyle counseling, and cognitive reframing of aging perceptions.

Integrating Biology and Psychology

The onset of grey hair exemplifies a complex mind-body interaction. Genetics and nutrition provide the baseline, while stress, behavior, and social perceptions can accelerate or modulate this process. By acknowledging both biological and psychological contributors, researchers and clinicians can better understand not only the physiology of greying but also its impact on human behavior, self-concept, and wellbeing.

Conclusion

Grey hair is more than a cosmetic change—it reflects an intricate interplay of genetics, nutrition, stress, and psychosocial factors. While hereditary factors set the stage, chronic stress, behavioral patterns, and social experiences can influence its timing and perception. Recognizing the psychological dimensions of greying encourages holistic approaches that address both physical and mental wellbeing.

Copyright ©️ The Counsellor

References
• Bouchard, C., et al. (2016). Genetic determinants of hair pigmentation and greying. Nature Communications, 7, 10825.
• Raha, S., et al. (2018). Copper deficiency and its effect on melanin synthesis in humans. Journal of Trace Elements in Medicine and Biology, 50, 592–598.
• Zhang, B., et al. (2020). Stress-induced premature hair greying via depletion of melanocyte stem cells. Nature, 577(7792), 676–680.
• Tobin, D. J., & Paus, R. (2001). Graying: gerontobiology of the hair follicle pigmentary unit. Experimental Gerontology, 36(1), 29–54.
• Arck, P. C., et al. (2006). Stress and hair: a biobehavioral perspective. Experimental Dermatology, 15(9), 667–676.

08/02/2026

The glymphatic system is a waste-clearance network in the brain that removes metabolic byproducts and toxins, including proteins such as beta-amyloid, by flushing cerebrospinal fluid through brain tissue. It operates primarily during sleep, when brain cells shrink slightly to allow fluid to flow more efficiently along perivascular channels formed by glial cells (especially astrocytes). By clearing waste and maintaining chemical balance, the glymphatic system plays a critical role in brain health, cognitive function, and the prevention of neurodegenerative diseases.