The Counsellor

16/11/2025

Understanding Social Anxiety and Telephone Aversion: Psychological Mechanisms and Modern Contexts

- written by Dr Lynne McCarthy ©️

Abstract

Social anxiety is one of the most common anxiety disorders, characterized by fear and avoidance of social situations where one might be judged, criticized, or embarrassed. A specific and increasingly prevalent manifestation of social anxiety in the digital age is telephone anxiety—a strong reluctance or fear of making or receiving phone calls. This paper explores the psychological, cognitive, and social mechanisms underlying social anxiety and its link to telephone aversion. Drawing on theories of cognitive-behavioral psychology, evolutionary psychology, and communication studies, the paper highlights the interplay between fear of negative evaluation, lack of nonverbal cues, and the impact of modern communication technologies on social behavior.

1. Introduction

Social interaction is a fundamental human need, yet for many individuals it is also a profound source of anxiety. Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is characterized by intense fear of social or performance situations where scrutiny by others is possible (American Psychiatric Association [APA], 2013). Although social anxiety manifests in various contexts—public speaking, eating in front of others, attending social events—one specific and often overlooked form is telephone anxiety. Many individuals experience significant discomfort, avoidance, or panic related to phone conversations, whether personal or professional (Cappe et al., 2020).

This paper examines why some people suffer from social anxiety and why others specifically hate answering or talking on the telephone. It argues that both phenomena are rooted in overlapping cognitive, emotional, and environmental factors, including fear of negative evaluation, perceived lack of control, absence of visual feedback, and changes in communication norms brought by digital technology.

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2. Understanding Social Anxiety

2.1 Definition and Prevalence

Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), also known as social phobia, affects approximately 7% of the general population (Kessler et al., 2005). It typically begins in adolescence and often persists into adulthood if untreated. Individuals with SAD experience significant distress in situations where they may be observed or judged—such as conversations, presentations, or interactions with authority figures (Stein & Stein, 2008).

2.2 Core Psychological Mechanisms

The dominant theoretical framework explaining social anxiety is Clark and Wells’ (1995) cognitive model, which posits that socially anxious individuals hold distorted self-beliefs and focus excessively on internal symptoms (e.g., blushing, trembling), interpreting them as evidence of incompetence. This self-focused attention perpetuates anxiety by increasing physiological arousal and reducing attention to external social cues.

Fear of negative evaluation (FNE)—the apprehension about being judged unfavorably—is a central component of social anxiety (Watson & Friend, 1969). Individuals high in FNE tend to overestimate others’ scrutiny and underestimate their social competence. Consequently, they may avoid social situations or engage in “safety behaviors” (e.g., rehearsing speech mentally or avoiding eye contact) that paradoxically maintain anxiety.

2.3 Biological and Environmental Factors

Genetic studies indicate heritability estimates of 30–50% for social anxiety disorder (Stein et al., 2001). Environmental factors such as overprotective parenting, bullying, or early social rejection further increase risk (Rapee & Spence, 2004). Neuroimaging research also suggests hyperactivation of the amygdala and insula in socially anxious individuals, reflecting heightened sensitivity to threat and social evaluation (Etkin & Wager, 2007).

3. The Psychology of Telephone Aversion

3.1 Nature of Telephone Anxiety

Telephone anxiety is not formally classified as a distinct disorder, but it is widely recognized as a specific manifestation of social anxiety (Cappe et al., 2020). People with this aversion may feel nervous before or during phone calls, avoid answering unknown numbers, or experience physiological symptoms such as heart palpitations, sweating, and trembling when the phone rings.

3.2 The Cognitive Basis

From a cognitive perspective, the telephone removes key sources of nonverbal feedback—facial expressions, gestures, and visual reassurance—which are critical for interpreting social cues and regulating interaction (Mehrabian, 1972). Without these cues, individuals prone to social anxiety may perceive greater uncertainty about how they are being evaluated. The lack of feedback heightens fear of miscommunication or embarrassment (Reid & Reid, 2007).

In addition, telephone conversations are often synchronous and uneditable—unlike text or email, one must respond immediately. This immediacy creates performance pressure, leaving socially anxious individuals feeling “on the spot” without time to compose their thoughts (Pierce, 2009). Cognitive models of social anxiety predict that such situations amplify self-focused attention and negative self-appraisal, reinforcing avoidance behaviors (Clark & Wells, 1995).

3.3 The Role of Control and Predictability

Telephone communication often occurs without prior planning or clear structure, contributing to a perceived loss of control (Cappe et al., 2020). For socially anxious individuals, unpredictability—such as not knowing who is calling or what will be discussed—triggers anticipatory anxiety. The ring of the phone can thus become a conditioned stimulus signaling possible evaluation or confrontation, similar to the anticipatory fear seen in generalized social anxiety (Hofmann et al., 2004).

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4. Social and Cultural Dimensions

4.1 Changing Communication Norms

In the past two decades, the rise of text messaging, email, and social media has transformed communication habits. These modes provide greater asynchronous control—people can think before replying and manage their self-presentation more carefully. Research suggests that younger generations increasingly prefer text-based communication and view phone calls as intrusive or anxiety-provoking (Dimmick et al., 2011).

For socially anxious individuals, digital communication may initially reduce stress but can also reinforce avoidance of direct interaction, maintaining or even worsening anxiety symptoms (Prizant-Passal et al., 2016). The “comfort” of text-based platforms can thus create a feedback loop: avoidance of calls leads to less practice and confidence, which further heightens anxiety.

4.2 Social Evaluation and the Modern Workplace

In professional contexts, telephone calls often involve hierarchical or evaluative dynamics—such as speaking with supervisors, clients, or strangers. This increases perceived social risk for individuals prone to fear of negative evaluation. The pressure to sound competent and articulate without visual feedback can make even routine phone tasks feel daunting (Pierce, 2009).

Furthermore, modern work culture often conflates availability with performance, creating anxiety around missing calls or delayed responses. For socially anxious individuals, this expectation of constant accessibility can be overwhelming and lead to avoidance or procrastination behaviors.

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5. Evolutionary and Neuroscientific Perspectives

From an evolutionary psychology standpoint, social anxiety may have adaptive origins as a mechanism to maintain social cohesion and avoid exclusion from the group (Gilbert, 2001). Fear of negative evaluation would have promoted behaviors that ensured acceptance and prevented social punishment. However, in the modern world—where interactions often occur with strangers, in large groups, or through abstract media like telephones—this ancient mechanism can become maladaptive.

Neuroscientifically, heightened amygdala activation during perceived social threat explains why even non-face-to-face interactions (like phone calls) can elicit strong emotional responses (Etkin & Wager, 2007). The uncertainty and unpredictability of calls activate similar neural pathways as direct confrontation.

6. Coping and Therapeutic Approaches

6.1 Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is the most evidence-based treatment for social anxiety (Heimberg, 2002). It focuses on identifying distorted thoughts (e.g., “I’ll sound stupid on the phone”) and gradually exposing individuals to feared situations in controlled steps. Telephone-based exposure therapy has shown effectiveness in reducing avoidance behaviors (Cappe et al., 2020).

6.2 Mindfulness and Acceptance-Based Approaches

Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) help individuals observe anxious thoughts without judgment, reducing avoidance (Hayes et al., 2006). For telephone anxiety, mindfulness can reduce anticipatory fear by shifting focus from imagined outcomes to present experience.

6.3 Social Skills and Communication Training

Because telephone anxiety often involves uncertainty about social scripts or conversational timing, skills training (e.g., role-playing phone conversations) can increase confidence and reduce avoidance. Exposure combined with practical communication techniques—such as deep breathing before answering or preparing conversation points—has been shown to improve functioning (Hofmann et al., 2004).

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7. Discussion

While social anxiety and telephone aversion share cognitive and emotional foundations, the latter also reflects broader sociocultural shifts in communication norms. The rise of digital media has increased options for avoidance while simultaneously reducing tolerance for synchronous, unpredictable interactions.

Importantly, telephone anxiety should not be dismissed as mere introversion or preference. For some individuals, it represents a clinically significant manifestation of social anxiety, with real implications for employment, relationships, and mental well-being. Recognizing its psychological underpinnings can help develop more empathetic workplace policies, such as allowing asynchronous communication or providing support for anxious employees.

8. Conclusion

Social anxiety and telephone aversion arise from a complex interplay of cognitive distortions, biological predispositions, and sociocultural factors. While fear of negative evaluation and loss of control form the psychological core, modern communication trends amplify these fears by removing visual cues and increasing immediacy. Effective treatment involves a combination of cognitive restructuring, exposure, and mindful acceptance.

As society continues to evolve digitally, understanding these anxieties is essential—not only for individual mental health but also for designing inclusive communication environments that acknowledge diverse comfort levels and psychological needs.

Written by Dr Lynne McCarthy
Copyright The Counsellor

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Original research papers- https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Lynne-Mccarthy-2

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
Cappe, C., Thomas, E., & Deldalle, S. (2020). Telephone anxiety in adults with social anxiety disorder: Prevalence and cognitive mechanisms. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 74, 102267.
Dr Lynne McCarthy 2025.
Clark, D. M., & Wells, A. (1995). A cognitive model of social phobia. In R. Heimberg et al. (Eds.), Social phobia: Diagnosis, assessment, and treatment (pp. 69–93). Guilford Press.
Dimmick, J., Feaster, J. C., & Hoplamazian, G. J. (2011). Extending society: The role of personal networks and social media in telephone replacement. New Media & Society, 13(2), 309–326.
Etkin, A., & Wager, T. D. (2007). Functional neuroimaging of anxiety: A meta-analysis of emotional processing in PTSD, social anxiety disorder, and specific phobia. American Journal of Psychiatry, 164(10), 1476–1488.
Gilbert, P. (2001). Evolution and social anxiety: The role of attraction, social competition, and social hierarchies. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 24(4), 723–751.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.
Heimberg, R. G. (2002). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder: Current status and future directions. Biological Psychiatry, 51(1), 101–108.
Hofmann, S. G., Heinrichs, N., & Moscovitch, D. A. (2004). The nature and expression of social phobia: Toward a new classification. Clinical Psychology Review, 24(7), 769–797.
Kessler, R. C., Berglund, P., Demler, O., Jin, R., Merikangas, K. R., & Walters, E. E. (2005). Lifetime prevalence and age-of-onset distributions of DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Archives of General Psychiatry, 62(6), 593–602.
Mehrabian, A. (1972). Nonverbal communication. Aldine-Atherton.
Pierce, T. (2009). Social anxiety and technology: Face-to-face communication versus technological communication among teens. Computers in Human Behavior, 25(6), 1367–1372.
Prizant-Passal, S., Shechner, T., & Aderka, I. M. (2016). Social anxiety and internet use—A meta-analysis: What do we know? What are we missing? Computers in Human Behavior, 62, 221–229.
Rapee, R. M., & Spence, S. H. (2004). The etiology of social phobia: Empirical evidence and an initial model. Clinical Psychology Review, 24(7), 737–767.
Reid, D., & Reid, F. (2007). Text or talk? Social anxiety, loneliness, and divergent preferences for cell phone use. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 10(3), 424–435.
Stein, M. B., Jang, K. L., & Livesley, W. J. (2001). Heritability of social anxiety-related concerns and personality characteristics: A twin study. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 189(3), 168–174.
Stein, M. B., & Stein, D. J. (2008). Social anxiety disorder. The Lancet, 371(9618), 1115–1125.
Watson, D., & Friend, R. (1969). Measurement of social-evaluative anxiety. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 33(4), 448–457.*

15/11/2025

Signs that You are Mentally Strong

Mental strength is the cognitive and emotional skill of reframing negative thoughts and adverse circumstances. Being mentally strong, or mentally tough, helps us resist both internal and external influences that weaken our self-confidence and well-being.

1. You realize that life is peaceful and enjoyable when you live a private life, and no one knows anything about you.

2. You never use ci******es, alcohol, or any substances, as a coping or cool-off mechanism no matter how bad things go.

3. You put your goals ahead of cheap social trends and gossip.

4. You establish healthy boundaries with others to avoid toxic people.

5. You hang out with people who build, encourage, and challenge you to become better and those who talk about business, growth, and goals.

6. You don't let gossip and attention seekers bother you, and care less about what other people think while focusing on building yourself.

7. You never blame your parents, family, friends, or past experience for being responsible for your present situation but completely accept responsibility for your life.

8. You never make your own decisions based on the pressure to seek the approval of others.

9. You prioritize your mental health over anything that causes you pain and distraction.

10. You develop a strong mindset and positive spirit to embrace the struggle of life and conquer.

11. You embrace self-discipline and consistency to change your life.

15/11/2025

Grief is not something you “get over”; it’s something you learn to carry. That quiet, courageous truth sits at the heart of Megan Devine’s How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed—a journal that refuses to rush your healing or dilute your pain, and instead creates a compassionate space for it to breathe.

Unlike traditional grief guides, this book doesn’t insist that you be strong, stay positive, or search for silver linings. It meets you exactly where you are—within the silence, the confusion, and the unbearable ache of longing for someone who is no longer here. Drawing from her own experience with profound loss, Devine offers thoughtful prompts, reflections, and creative practices that allow you to explore your grief at your own pace.

What makes this journal remarkable is its honesty. It doesn’t promise closure; it promises companionship. Each page feels like sitting beside someone who understands that not everything broken can—or should—be fixed. Some losses are meant to be carried, honoured, and integrated into who we become.

The writing is compassionate yet grounding, reminding us that grief is not weakness—it is love with nowhere to land. Whether you’re mourning a person, a dream, or a version of yourself, this journal affirms that a meaningful life is still possible, even while carrying the weight of what you’ve lost.

Key Lessons from How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

1. Grief has no timeline.
Healing is neither linear nor predictable. You don’t “move on” from grief—you move with it, allowing it to shape you without consuming you.

2. Some things cannot be fixed.
The world may push us toward closure, but real healing begins when we stop trying to erase pain and instead learn to coexist with it.

3. Expression is essential.
Writing, drawing, weeping—whatever helps you give language to your experience—is not indulgent. It is survival. This journal gives you permission to speak your truth without apology.

4. Love and loss are inseparable.
The depth of your grief mirrors the depth of your love. Acknowledging that love keeps your memories—and meaning—alive.

5. Peace does not require positivity.
Wholeness is not the absence of sorrow; it’s the ability to hold both joy and pain without denying either.

6. You are not broken.
Grief may change you, but it does not diminish you. You are still whole—you’re simply carrying more now.

How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed isn’t a solution; it’s a sanctuary. It’s for anyone who’s ever been told to “move on,” yet still wakes each morning with a heart that aches. Megan Devine doesn’t offer an escape from grief—she offers a path through it, with tenderness, integrity, and profound compassion.

It is more than a journal; it’s a companion for the parts of your heart the world too often overlooks.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4i25vLh

How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief

15/11/2025

14/11/2025

Internal Family Systems: Healing the Inner Self or Fragmenting It Further?

By Dr Lynne McCarthy

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In recent years, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy has exploded in popularity. TikTok therapists rave about it. Bestselling authors like Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) and Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop have embraced it. More than 45,000 clinicians on Psychology Today list it as part of their therapeutic toolkit. Yet behind the enthusiasm, a growing chorus of mental-health professionals warns that this seemingly gentle self-healing model may not be as benign as it appears.

What is IFS?

IFS was conceived in the 1980s by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, a family therapist who noticed that his clients often spoke about parts of themselves as if they were independent entities — “a part of me wants to leave, another part feels guilty.” Schwartz began to conceptualize the mind as an internal system made up of “parts,” each with its own beliefs, emotions, and motivations.

At the core of IFS lies the Self — a calm, compassionate inner leader capable of healing and harmonizing the system.

The therapy encourages clients to:

1. Identify different parts (e.g., an angry part, a scared child part, a perfectionist part).

2. Locate them in the body, noticing where tension or emotion resides.

3. Engage them in dialogue, with the Self acting as a compassionate listener.

4. Unburden the parts of painful beliefs or memories, often through visualization and internal conversation.

As Schwartz put it in Internal Family Systems Therapy (1995), “The goal is not to eliminate parts, but to help them find their non-extreme roles within the system.”

The Appeal of IFS

IFS resonates powerfully in today’s culture of introspection and trauma awareness.

It offers:

• Agency and compassion:
Clients take an active role in their healing, cultivating empathy toward even their most destructive impulses.

• Accessibility:
It requires no medication, and sessions can often be self-guided or practiced between therapy appointments.

• Integration with mindfulness:
IFS dovetails with somatic and mindfulness-based therapies, popular among trauma practitioners.

The approach has been embraced by institutions such as the Harvard Medical School’s Department of Psychiatry, which hosts IFS trainings. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology (2021) and Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma (2020) suggests that IFS can reduce symptoms of PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

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The Critiques and Controversy

However, the scientific community remains divided. Critics argue that IFS’s metaphor of “inner parts” may oversimplify complex psychiatric conditions or blur the line between guided imagery and delusion.

Psychiatrists have voiced concern that:

• The “parts” metaphor risks externalizing responsibility, allowing individuals to blame internal subpersonalities for harmful behavior.

• For patients with psychosis or dissociative disorders, IFS can exacerbate fragmentation and blur reality-testing.

• The empirical evidence base is still thin. While small studies show promise, there are few randomized controlled trials, and long-term outcome data are lacking.

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As The New York Times reported (Corbett, 2024), some patients have found IFS destabilizing — particularly those with complex PTSD or disordered eating, conditions where boundaries between reality and inner imagery are already fragile.

One clinician quoted in that report described IFS as “a beautiful metaphor that can become a dangerous literalism.”

How IFS is Practiced

An IFS session often begins with the therapist guiding the client to turn inward, identifying sensations or emotions in the body.

For example:

“Notice where in your body you feel that fear. Ask that part what it’s afraid of.”

The therapist helps the client build relationships with these parts, cultivating curiosity and compassion rather than judgment. The process can evoke powerful emotional experiences — relief, tears, even visions or sensations as parts “speak.”

While some clients report profound healing, others describe feeling overwhelmed, dissociated, or confused, especially when therapy is self-directed without proper containment.

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The Outcome: Integrative or Illusory?

The best-case scenario for IFS is emotional integration. Clients report increased self-compassion, reduced inner conflict, and a sense of wholeness.

But the worst-case scenario can be psychological fragmentation — particularly for trauma survivors without stable grounding. When “parts” are treated as autonomous beings rather than metaphors, clients may inadvertently reinforce dissociative patterns.

As Dr. John Norcross, professor of psychology at the University of Scranton, notes, “IFS can be powerful, but it requires clinical sophistication. It’s not a tool for everyone — and certainly not for self-experimentation on TikTok.”

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The Verdict

IFS is neither miracle cure nor menace. It is a narrative therapy for the modern age, fusing compassion, embodiment, and internal dialogue. Its rise reflects our collective yearning for self-understanding — but also the risks of unregulated psychotherapeutic trends in the digital era.

Used with clinical expertise and ethical caution, IFS can foster profound healing. Used recklessly, it risks turning introspection into fragmentation.

Copyright The Counsellor

Full research papers available at https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Lynne-Mccarthy-2

Need to chat? Contact The Counsellor —> https://g.co/kgs/VCjPjVY

References
• Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.
• Schwartz, R. C., & Sweezy, M. (2019). Internal Family Systems Therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
• Frontiers in Psychology (2021). Evaluating the Effectiveness of Internal Family Systems Therapy for PTSD.
• Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma (2020). IFS as a Trauma-Informed Intervention.
• Corbett, R. (2024). The Parts Within Us: How IFS Became the Therapy Everyone’s Talking About — and Why Some Say It’s Dangerous. New York Magazine.
• Norcross, J. (2023). Psychotherapy Relationships That Work. Oxford University Press.
• American Psychological Association (2022). Therapy Modalities and Evidence Review: Internal Family Systems.

14/11/2025

Gabby Petito's story can be a catalyst for change, reminding us that believing and supporting survivors of abuse is crucial.

Had she survived, it's heartbreaking to think that many still wouldn't have believed her.

We must work to create a culture where survivors are heard and trusted, rather than being doubted or blamed.

It's time to shift our narrative and recognize that those who appear 'crazy' are often the ones who've been subjected to years of manipulation, narcissism, and many other forms of abuse.

By acknowledging this reality, we can empower survivors and hold abusers accountable. Together, we can create a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and believed.

Be compassionate and empathetic even when in doubt. You’re not the judge, nor the jury. If you can’t be kind, be quiet. Some people are one comment away from the edge.

13/11/2025

Every woman has a story.

Some have overcome physical abuse, violent pasts, or pubertal struggles.

Some have survived sexual abuse, unhealthy relationships, or narcissistic abuse.

Others have faced menstrual issues, obesity, financial struggles, addiction, or suicidal thoughts.

If you encounter a woman who has endured any of these challenges, yet still radiates hope and resilience, don't define her by her past.

Instead, stand beside her, offer support, and acknowledge her strength.

She may be a friend, sister, partner, or mother.

Give her the gift of a peaceful future, free from judgment.

Offer love, kindness, and compassion.

Empower her to rise above her struggles and unlock her full potential.

Be the catalyst for positive change in her life.

©️ The Counsellor

12/11/2025

We should trust in men who embody compassion, kindness, and self-awareness.

I trust in men who tap into their inner strength, embracing their uniqueness and individuality.

I trust in men who strive for balance, seeking peace and harmony within themselves and the world around them.

I trust in men who express themselves creatively, as poets, dreamers, artists, and visionaries.

I trust in men who celebrate life, embracing joy, dance, and music.

I trust in men who confront their vulnerabilities, acknowledging and healing their emotional wounds.

I trust in men who dedicate themselves to the well-being of others, fostering growth, healing, and empowerment.

I trust in men who break free from the shackles of their past, rising above adversity, and emerging stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.

I trust in men who honor their intuition, using it as a guiding force in their lives.

I trust in men who embody freedom, living authentically, and inspiring others to do the same.

I trust in men who cherish and respect the feminine, recognizing the beauty, strength, and wisdom of women.

I trust in men who have cultivated a deep sense of self-awareness, understanding their own needs, desires, and limitations.

I trust in men who live in harmony with nature, recognizing the interconnectedness of all living beings.

I trust in men with clear, truthful eyes, who see the world with clarity, compassion, and wisdom.

I trust in men who embody the beauty of imperfection, embracing their uniqueness, and celebrating the diversity of human experience.

I trust in sensitive men who have discovered the strength of vulnerability, and the power of emotional expression.

I trust in men who approach intimacy with reverence, recognizing the sacredness of human connection.

I trust in men who live with intention, cultivating clarity, purpose, and direction in their lives.

I trust in men who walk with gentleness, humility, and an open heart, inspiring others to do the same.

I trust in the rise of the sacred masculine, and the emergence of a new generation of men who embody the highest qualities of compassion, wisdom, and strength.

I trust in sensitive men who are strong enough to say that their heart is their guiding force, and that love is the foundation of their relationships, families, and communities.

©️ The Counsellor

11/11/2025

The grass is only greener,
where you water it!

10/11/2025

Asking for help when you feel burned out isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s an act of courage and self-awareness.

When you reach out, you allow others to share the load, offer perspective, and remind you that you’re not alone.

Burnout thrives in silence and isolation, but connection helps break its hold.

By asking for support — whether from a friend, colleague, or professional — you give yourself permission to rest, heal, and recover.

Sometimes strength isn’t about pushing through; it’s about knowing when to reach out and let others lift you up.