Brenda Leemans Child Therapist

26/12/2025

17/12/2025

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗱𝗺𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀

In high conflict divorce cases, it’s often not the therapy that becomes difficult first. It’s the admin.

An invoice that suddenly needs revisiting. A consent process that is questioned after the fact. A request to change who is billed, who is copied on emails, or how information is shared. Things you have handled carefully and consistently now feel scrutinised, emotionally charged, or oddly tense.

When this happens, it’s rarely about the invoice or the form itself. It’s about control.

In high conflict systems, parents are often living with a deep loss of control. Legal processes move slowly. Decisions feel contested. Outcomes are uncertain. Trust between adults is fragile or completely broken. In that context, small, concrete processes start to matter a great deal. Admin becomes something visible and manageable in a world that otherwise feels unpredictable.

As a therapist, you are an easy place for this to land. You are neutral. You are expected to be calm, ethical, and steady. You won’t escalate or retaliate. That makes you a psychologically safe place for anxiety to settle. Questions that sound practical are often driven by fear underneath. Fear of being sidelined. Fear of losing influence. Fear of not being heard.

Neutrality, which is essential for the child, can feel deeply uncomfortable for parents in high conflict. When you don’t align, reassure, or implicitly validate one side over the other, anxiety often increases. That anxiety doesn’t always come out directly. Instead, it shows up in process. Emails get longer. Tone shifts. Past decisions are revisited. Boundaries are quietly tested.

This is an important point to name clearly. When this starts happening, it does not mean you have done something wrong. Very often, it means you are doing your job well enough to be trusted with the system’s stress.

The risk is that admin becomes the battleground, slowly pulling you into adult conflict and draining energy that should be reserved for the therapeutic work. When that happens, the focus shifts away from the child, and the work begins to feel heavier than it needs to be.

Clear processes, predictable communication, and firm professional limits are not cold or inflexible in these cases. They are containing. They protect the therapeutic space and they protect you. Most importantly, they keep the child’s work from being swallowed by adult dynamics.

If you find yourself feeling disproportionately stressed by “small” administrative issues in a high conflict case, it’s worth pausing and asking yourself a grounding question: 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦?

Holding that awareness matters, because this kind of quiet, ongoing pressure is one of the ways burnout creeps in. Not through dramatic moments, but through constant vigilance, second-guessing, and emotional labour that goes unnamed. Trusting your process, returning to your role, and staying anchored in your professional values is not just good practice. It is self-protection.

You are allowed to stay neutral. You are allowed to be clear. And you are allowed to put the weight back where it belongs.

12/12/2025

28/11/2025

15/11/2025

School Ties has been nominated for an International Emmy Award, and it is so incredibly deserving. The series explores the devastating reality of grooming and abuse in some of South Africa’s most elite schools. It is tough to watch, but so important.

I have seen firsthand the strength, wisdom, and honesty Robyn Wolfson Vorster brings to everything she does. She fights for change and the protection of our most vulnerable children.

I will be watching the Emmy Awards on 24 November and I am rooting so hard for this win. But honestly, just having this story told, and told this well, is already a huge step forward.

Documentary Nominee
SCHOOL TIES
Produced by IdeaCandy
South Africa

Watch the Nominee trailers here: http://bit.ly/iemmynoms

This four-part docu-series explores grooming and sexual abuse by sports coaches at South Africa's elite boys' schools.

Winners announced Monday, November 24, at 53rd International Emmy® Awards in NYC!

13/11/2025

06/10/2025

03/10/2025

03/10/2025

Over the past few weeks, and I have had the great privilege of partnering with Acres of Love and their incredible team through our workshop on Trust-Based Parenting skills.

We’ve been deeply moved by the unwavering dedication and compassion of the amazing caregivers who are nurturing and raising the children and teens in their care. It’s truly inspiring to witness the love, resilience, and commitment they bring to this vital work every single day.

We look forward to supporting more teams and individuals as we support