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23/11/2025

What You’re Willing to Cut Determines What Can Grow

Yesterday, I shared a video on my page Landie Breytenbach holding up a lemon and a lime from the same tree—one thriving, the other struggling. It’s called a cocktail tree: two different fruits, one set of roots.

Same soil. Yet completely different outcomes.

Life is a lot like that.

We don’t always get to choose what we’re handed. No one chooses their DNA, their upbringing, or the circumstances they’re planted in.

And as someone beautifully commented yesterday, life feels unfair when we see it as happening to us rather than through us.

There’s truth in that.
We can’t always choose what arrives… but we do have a choice. And choice is active.

I can stand there hoping the lime improves on its own—or I can get to work. For that tree, the answer was: cut away the branches blocking the light. It wasn’t that the lime was flawed. It was overshadowed.

We’re the same.

Sometimes we need to pause and ask ourselves the uncomfortable questions:

Where have old survival strategies, unhealthy habits, and worn-out patterns become tangled branches—protective once, but now stunting growth?

✂️ And if cutting them back allows light, change and growth to return, why wait?
🫶

01/11/2025

My published article is available now on Medium. See the link.
💕🫶xx









https://medium.com//lonely-at-midlife-youre-not-alone-and-here-s-what-it-s-teaching-me-af04d2be6524

17/10/2025

DISCHARGED from the Cancer unit after 5 years.

behind the smile...

5 years of dismantling.

My body
My mind
My life as I knew it
My sense of self
My relationships
My family bonds.

When I entered five years ago, if someone had told me that this would be the loneliest, darkest void I would ever find myself in, I wouldn't have believed them. After all, I was such a "strong woman".

But walking away from this place, I carry lessons carved deep, deeper than the ones on my breast, arm and stomach.

Lessons about myself and others, and they are not pretty. Human. But still not pretty. Scars that will remain for life.

"You have been discharged" were words I couldn't wait to hear. Yet now that they are here, it's not the confetti moment I imagined.

No party.
No medal for "winning".

Because nobody wins against cancer. You lose things you never imagined losing.

And though I somehow dodged this bullet, I know luck still has its say from here onwards.

A friend close to my heart called me "a brave lady" in the week.
I liked it.
I don't like to be called strong; strength implies choice:
The decision to lift,
to fight
to push through.
Those words "strong" almost broke me more than the word Cancer itself.

But bravery, that's different.
It means showing up anyway. It's walking back into a life that's been dismantled. It's about accepting your own mess and the messes of others and trying to make something of it.

"Discharged".
Yes, back into a broken body, a struggling mind and fractured and frail relationships. Yet, I still have the opportunity, and that's the only win. 🥰

So yes, I am happy. More like relief wrapped in gratitude and disbelief.

So here is to rebuilding.
Rebranding.
To the road ahead - back to myself and the fragile bonds that somehow hang by threads.

And out of all this hell

"The things we don't talk about" has been born. Watch this space🥰

My goal is now to teach others, from a psychological and personal perspective, to speak up for themselves and their needs, and to teach others how to genuinely support loved ones during difficult times.

🥂Cheers to me for being brave. And to the ones who can only understand once the fire has scorched their souls.

🥂Here is to the brave, the broken and the remembered.

Here is to not a new beginning, but a different one.
🥂 Yes, and get your mammogram done!

Stepping out of these doors, back into my life.
A different kind of excitement, nevertheless.
Xx🎀🎗💖

07/10/2025

I have struggled with perfectionism for years. I've tried just about everything: EFT, CBT, meditation, journaling, breathing, even outrunning my anxiety on a treadmill – perfectionism still managed to keep pace. Yet there was one thing I missed... You can read my published article here. xx

I Am a Perfectionist (And It Can Be Exhausting & Empowering)

26/09/2025

When connection with others feels out of reach, perhaps the most healing relationship you can begin is with the present moment.

They were fully present, with curious eyes and open hearts.

There was no sense of being stuck in the past, nor a need to grasp at the future.

Their joy served as a reminder that life truly flourishes in the present moment. Something I can easily forget.

Their laughter was like a balm for secret wounds I don't speak about.

As adults, we often find ourselves caught in a whirlwind of thoughts, always rushing and or holding onto burdens.

Yet, in those moments with the children, it made me stop and ask:

What if we, too, could embrace the profound gift of just being present in the moment?

A reminder to myself, and perhaps to you as well.

"When connection with others feels out of reach, perhaps the most healing relationship you can begin is with the present moment."
🫶

23/08/2025

“Accept me as I am” can sound noble, but without growth, it becomes static—an excuse to stay unchanged.

It can be an honest statement of worth or a shield against accountability and growth. The latter tends toward manipulation.

Ask yourself:

✨ Who is your dream self?
✨ How do they live?
✨ How do they treat others—and themselves?

Becoming that version of you isn’t about abandoning who you are; it’s about embodying your highest vision of yourself.

True empowerment comes not from clinging to your current identity, but from aligning your choices, habits, and actions with the person you aspire to be.

And the greatest reward?

When you embrace that identity fully, the life you long for begins to follow.

Be the Person YOU WANT to Be🫶
Proud to be me, still learning, evolving, aligning, and fine-tuning every day. 🥰
###

15/08/2025

A little reminder. 🫶

Caring for others is natural, but letting their actions dictate your internal world can leave you disconnected from yourself.

Focusing inward isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for clarity and authentic living.

You reclaim agency by redirecting attention from trying to change others to
🤎honouring your own needs
🤎 changing your own patterns
and
🤎 nurturing your boundaries.

You create space to recognise what you deserve without being entangled in someone else’s choices or behaviours. (Not easy, but necessary)

When we fixate on what others “should” or "should not do" or how they "should change", we often expend emotional and mental energy OUTSIDE ourselves.

That focus can subtly pull us away from our own needs, and even our sense of self-worth, because we’re looking OUTWARD for something we can’t control instead
of INWARD for what we can nurture.

Other people matter, but so do you.

Nurture yourself as well.🚰

###

11/08/2025

Instead of seeing the word “CONTROL” in this circle,

Imagine it says CARE for.🫶

Control can become hard work. Control can feel cold, rigid, and even shaming if you struggle.

If we change the language, we make it easier.

🗣 How we speak to ourselves and others, or about others, matters. It matters a lot.

⭕️Inside the circle?
What’s yours to care for — your words, your choices, the way you show up for yourself, your emotions, goals etc.

⏺️Outside the circle?
What’s not yours to carry —I let go ... of someone else’s opinion, the weather, the past, what they say about me.

We can’t choose the weather, the past, or how others feel about us. We can listen to what others say about us, explore it, take what matters and let go of what does not.

We can choose our words, actions and how we breathe when things feel heavy, and the kindness we offer ourselves and others.

When life feels tangled, it helps to pause and notice:

Is this mine to carry and care for, or can I let it go?
###

05/08/2025

A Facebook Post is not a Diagnosis.

“Scroll with compassion. Comment with care. Diagnose with credentials.”

“He’s such a narcissist.”
“She must be bipolar.”
“Ugh, classic BPD behaviour.”
“She’s so toxic—cut her off.”

You've heard it, even said it. Mental health buzzwords are everywhere—comment threads, reels, TikToks, and captions.

It’s tempting, isn’t it?

To make sense of someone’s "weird" behaviour with a single label. Especially when mental health language is so widely used.

Here’s the thing:

A Facebook post is not a diagnosis.

It's encouraging to see mental health topics like trauma, boundaries, attachment styles, and healing being discussed more openly. Increased awareness is a positive shift. However, there's a downside—people are casually diagnosing others based solely on what they see online. Awareness is great, but labelling is not.

Diagnosing mental health conditions requires more than a snapshot—it requires a professional, nuanced assessment that considers a person’s full history, cultural background, context, and current functioning over time, as well as many other complex assessments.

Yet in comment threads and captions, words like "toxic," "narcissist," "bipolar," or "manipulative" get thrown around with ease. While these terms might feel accurate in the moment, misusing them can lead to mislabelling and misunderstanding.

Assigning a label can also be a way to distance ourselves—from discomfort, from complexity, or even from examining our own role in a dynamic. True understanding requires more than a quick judgment.

By no means does this dismiss the real and painful impact of specific behaviours—or deny the existence of conditions. These struggles are real, and they can make life incredibly hard for everyone involved. Assigning a diagnosis without context, training, or consent doesn't lead to healing—it leads to harm. For all involved.

Here’s why we must tread carefully:

• Context matters.
Human behaviour can only be understood in its full context—cultural, relational, and situational. What seems “abnormal” in one setting might be expected entirely in another.

• People are complex.
Our feelings and behaviours are shaped by many moving parts: stress, trauma, physical health, relationships, hormones, lack of support, environment and history. No one is reducible to a single label.

• Stigma causes harm.
Labels can stick. They can shape how others treat someone—or how someone sees themselves. When applied without care or accuracy, they can cause significant harm.

• Social media is a highlight reel.
It can’t reflect tone, trauma, diagnosis, or intent. It rarely captures the whole truth of someone’s inner world.

• Therapy is sacred.
Real assessment requires consent, confidentiality, deep listening and many other modalities. That can’t happen in a scroll, comment section or video on the subject.

So next time you find yourself about to label someone based on a post, pause.

Choose curiosity over conclusion—compassion over categorisation.

The truth is, most of us are just trying to be seen and understood, and we are all deeply complex beings. Yes, that includes you reading this right now, and me writing this.

So, before you label, think about this one...

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” – Carl Jung

Be gentle with your words—
They shape worlds.
xx

04/08/2025

🦜Birds. I love them. Not just because they are noisy.😉

🐦‍⬛There’s something captivating about them.

🦜 With their delicate, light-boned bodies, some of them are born to soar the sky.
🦅
🐦Some gather in flocks, moving as one while each individual carries its own unique song, a melody that tells its own story.

🦢Others find companionship with a mate, forging bonds, while some choose to embrace the solitude of their own company.

🦚They are like vibrant poems with wings—graceful enough to float effortlessly between fleeting moments, yet bold enough to fill the air with their exuberant calls, reminding the world of their presence.

🕊That they belong.

🐦Then—just like that—they take flight.
No permission asked.
No map needed to chart their course.
Just a deep, intrinsic knowing.
A profound trust.
The certainty of the moment.

Freedom, wrapped in feathers.
Certain and Resolute.

Unyielding and unwilling to be caged.

📦We don’t always see our cages—
sometimes they echo with the harsh sounds of self-doubt,
or appear as lives that seem too small for the big dreams we harbour.

What would it mean to trust your wings?
What's holding you caged?

🕊"There is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself." - unknown
🫶
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