10/11/2025
My JOURNEY WITH ENERGY WORK (WITH SOME VERY RELATABLE PARTS)
-And mentions of Demons( cos, clickbait) š
So, I was a deeply spiritual child who talked to deities and source relentlessly. I had lots of past life flashbacks without knowing what they were and saw certain spirits very clearly as if they were you and me.. standing there.
As I grew older, I became disillusioned with religion. There were very real problems and I was being given really impotent solutions like:
Be good. Be nice to others always. People please. Turn the other cheek. Donāt stand up for yourself. Karma will get them. You do the ārightā thing always. Look like a good person. Dress modestly. Act like a girl. Virginity is sacred, without it you are nothing. Menstruation is dirty. Stay in your light. Just pray and God will take care of it. Do some meaningless rituals none of us understand. Accept EVERYTHING as if itās Godās will. Except when things go wrong, then itās your fault for being a bad person⦠or God has a plan
Fu***ng nobody knew what was happening and why, and everybody was just being mindlessly tossed in a tempest of discomfort, and called it Godās will.
Anyway. There were too many holes in this rhetoric for me to buy into it. So I walked away from it completely.
I decided that Iād rather be in a storm of my own making than be trapped in a cycle of ādivine timingā, guesswork and vagueness.
However, the divine still reached out. In dreams, Kali came. I was drawn to the Virgin Mary at one point. I did nothing tangible about any of this at the time. (The truly divine isnāt pushy or disrespectful of free will)
But throughout all of this, I had a growing hobby of being drawn to everything society considered alternative.I read books on witchcraft, sorcery, philosophy.. I read translated versions of religious texts( mostly to understand the inconsistencies at the root)
And I bumbled through life.. with a lot of mishaps and pain. And theoretical spiritual knowledge I didnt act upon. And a whole load of other understandings that I know now that has been accumulated through my soulās reincarnation arc.
By this stage, the modern world had diagnosed me with depression, anxiety etc... At no point, was it taken into account that I was perhaps having a very normal response to the bulls**t around me š¤·āāļø - this is a personal experience and Iām not saying it is an universal one. But at this stage, radical responsibility was not a thing i connected with either.
That came later when I consciously made Kali a part of my life.
The medication however, was numbing and comfortable. But there was a gnaw in me that indicated that nothing felt resolved. And my life showed it. All the patterns, the events, the experiences were being shaped by my shadow- that very unconscious part of all of us that Jung talks about.
So I turned to Reiki cos itās popular.. a socially acceptable woo woo modality and it helped. I decided to go ahead and get attuned up to Reiki Master so I could freaking solve myself.
But then I kept hitting a particular āspiritualā rhetoric that there was a limit I could reach with feeling free in my life and energy before I had to accept that is how it was.
(And trying to find answers to this brought me down a path I didnāt realise i had to be on)
I accept death be it grudgingly or not. I accept that I cannot change other people in the way they run their lives. But i donāt accept ongoing bad behavior or experiences in my life, and I donāt accept a lot of other things that we are told we must.. cos.. status quoš¤·āāļø
For me, everything that feels like f**kery must be solved. If the modern world has no solutions then iāll find an integrity-laden esoteric solution somewhere.
Some solutions do take longer than others but are solutions nevertheless.
I donāt accept a status quo that implicitly says we are powerless in the face of so MANY things. I donāt accept the fact that I have to be resigned to letting my own shadow or ākarmaā or other unseen things control my life. All the hindus with their scriptures and interpretations of it are laughing at me rn. š¤·āāļø
I wanted to be a co-creating conscious director.
But with all of that rar rar in my soul, i found that reiki only took me a certain distance. I was doing it every day on myself and there came a day, where.. it just stopped working on me. And yes, i was creatively using all the master symbols š
It worked on others that i laid hands on, but not on me. And I was livid and frustrated.
I hit a wall with that but it was handy that I was still channeling elemental Dragon frequencies- like Reiki but different-And a bit more woo woo and less ānormalisedā in the Muggle world.
So i did some deeper layers of work.
But i still wasnāt getting the final piece of the puzzle.
So this time, I just surrendered to Kali. Like fully. I trusted her, felt her.. ( I donāt believe in blind faith/surrender to the universe or God or energies we cannot see, feel or verify- for a variety of reasons) and asked her to show me what to do.
I donāt believe in that unbalanced statement that the divine is within us so we donāt need to seek outwards. Like bro, if the divine was within us and also external, why wouldnāt we just use both to maximise our chances of stepping out of the f**kery?
Anyway- this governs the premise of the work i do.
And my trusted divine guides brought me through a number of energy work sessions with family and friends that took on a more raw, non-linear and āshamanicā feel for the lack of a better word.
And this is how I ended up throwing out a f**kload of disempowering conditioning around light versus what is perceived as ādarkā and ended up working with the highly protective, nurturing and stabilising energy of the Divine Underworld.
(Itās also how i was initiated into the different levels and types of spirit/entity f**kery)
Not the chaotic abyss Matrix hellscape that a lot of people have been misled into perceiving as hell.
We have to at some stage confront the lies, guard rails and distortions that have been written, presented or misinterpreted with regards to what is truly divine and what isnāt⦠because that is where our path to sovreignty, liberation and spiritual mastery lie.
Some people genuinely have soul frequencies made of the stuff of lighter realms. I came to realise that mine generally.. isnāt-Which is why I do a lot of sacred healing with dark and divine energies that are grounded and benevolent.
There are wounded aspects of the light and wounded aspects of the dark, and then distortions around how they are presented to us which is why some of us have a knee jerk response to some of these very sacred and liberating aspects of spirituality.
It is easier to stay in the wounded light and say āstay in your lightā or āGod has a planā or just āvibe highā.
But I wanted lasting results, real answers, clear and grounded directions- and a clear understanding of karma and āfateā so that i wasnāt perpetually locked into āgood girl conditioningā and fear based programming.
And I found it after not being able to find it in the false lighty murkiness of the ālove and lightā only space.
So my practice has changed. I do deep shadow work with the grounded energies of the sacred underworld.
But what about the Demons, you ask? The malevolence?
That is a whole another post but if it helps, some demons can be chaotic but will leave you alone if you leave them alone- like most deities.
They are also sovereign and not cut off from source-means that they donāt take from you what you do not willingly and explicitly offer- like deities.They do not possess and they respect free will.. like deities..because they are deities within a different cultural framework.
What we should be worried about are entities and spirits that are cut off from source energy.
What we should be worried about are entities that pretend to be demons and take on the appearance of demons to possess. The divine underworld isnāt responsible this type of malevolence. Neither are they traipsing around the divine underworld seeking to cause harm. In fact, if I were to facilitate the release of one of these entities, Iād use underworld energy š¤·āāļø
Cos.. divine.. and benevolent..
But anyway I digress. I started this post to show how things have changed for me with regards to my work.
And to also put it out there.. that I do this work to shape better or if not, the best bloody outcomes in my own personal life.
Because I, we.. all deserve it. We dont have to be the pawn piece of trauma imprints, repression, suppression, karmic loops, curses,low level entities/spirits and more sophisticated entities/spirits that we donāt even know are there.
And.. not everybody will have the same experience. For whatever valid reason, some people will deal with less of the above in their personal lives. Others will sit in varying degrees of discomfort and delusion, and will continue to have shutters pulled over their eyes about who/what is running their lives- not always because its their fault.
Some ppl can live their entire lives not having to think about this š¤·āāļø and itās not because they are too high vibe or anything weāve been told in the ālove and light onlyā space. There are many reasons why.
But look, if youāve legitimately faced and cleared all the trauma imprints and wounding from the entire reincarnation arc your soul has been on(including your current life), and released all sophisticated and non-sophisticated attachments sitting on some of those-and thereās nothing left for spirits/entities to hook onto-good on you š
Ps- this ā¬ļøis what I refer to as Shadow work.
And this is the space I generally work in these days.
And strong spiritual hygiene, consistent and deep shadow work and practices that cultivate a high level of discernment are the basic expectations and standards I hold myself to.