14/01/2026
We are now 19 days into recovery. Yesterday was Zeeva and Bestie Pepper's first day out for a walk together. A little gentle rehab work and some mental health respite, as being locked up in smaller yards isn't fun for anyone.
Week one was a hard week for her, she required new bandages over her sore leg, and we ended up having to get sedation to keep everyone safe.
Sometimes we believe we can do things that we can't. As always seems to be the case with myself and horses I had a big lesson to learn.
It turned out that previous injuries, lack of preparedness, and the horse were not the problem. It was me. More so it was me and my attitude and my belief that she needed something from me because I was better than her.
In my mind (yep that was the first mistake right there), Zeeva was showing us she was having a hard time with her bandages being changed and the wound cleaned. I thought well, I have to share my regulated nervous system with her. So gentle breathing, talking her through everything, using gentle touch, giving her time with each thing I had to do.
Sounds good right!!
That is how you should behave.
Well, yes, except the nervous system bit. She didn't need it. We were still struggling to get everything done, she was saying no to everything. Actually, she wasn't. She was saying a very big "NO" to my arrogance that I thought I was better than her at holding her own regulation.
Moments like this remind that even after 35 years of being around horses I still have so much to learn.
So, I let her be. I let her stand, no ropes holding her, nothing in me trying to force regulation onto her. I let her hold herself, and she did so beautifully. She stood so quietly, you would be hard pressed to believe it was the same horse 5 min apart.
Following the dressing, I went though some anger and annoyance at myself, through the guilt and shame that rose, then into the lesson, then I got to sit with the pride in this little mare and how far she has come and grown up. I treated her like a baby, instead of the beautiful adult she is, I negated the work she had done in building her side of the relationship with us humans. Now, I am in complete appreciation of this wonderful horse.
It did make me think though, how many times did I do this to my kids growing up. I had raised them to self-regulate and I wonder how many times, I believed them to be inept at doing for themselves. At moments when their bodies should have been allowed to process a moment and I took over, lacking more awareness to what was occurring.
This moment with Zeeva bought forward a flood of moments where my kids were overwhelmed, and I added fuel to the fire. Yes, out of care, and no I can't go back and change it. But I can make an admission, and I can share the thought here because it may click for someone else. And I will be wiser for the future.
For now, she is doing very well, we will continue with her wound care, walks, cuddles and no doubt lessons. I will endeavor to listen more and leave my arrogance at the gate too.