Dr. Tracy Dalgleish

12/19/2025

I love reading how my book is supporting others.

It Started With a Coffee Cup in the Sink. That was our thing. Not a grand betrayal, but a tiny, daily rebellion. He’d leave it there. I’d seethe, building a silent case file of all the ways he didn’t respect me. He’d see my cold shoulder and think, Here we go again. We were stuck in a loop we didn’t know how to name, let alone escape. Then I found Dr. Tracy Dalgleish’s I Didn’t Sign Up For This, and for the first time, I didn’t feel broken, I felt seen. This isn’t a sterile manual; it’s a series of flashlight-lit journeys into the real, messy rooms of relationships, guided by a therapist brave enough to show you her own unmade bed.

Here’s what this book taught me:

1. You’re Not Arguing About the Dishes. You’re Arguing About the Story You’ve Written.
Dr. Tracy introduces the concept of our “personal narrative”—the invisible script we carry from our past about what love, safety, and conflict mean. That coffee cup wasn’t about porcelain; to me, it was a chapter in my story of “I’m Not a Priority.” To him, my reaction fit his story of “I Can Never Do Enough.” The book teaches you to identify your own story first, which stops the blame game instantly. You realize you’re both just reading from different, hurtful books.

2. Your Relationship’s "Pattern" Has a Name and a Lifecycle.
The magic of this book is how it makes the invisible visible. Dr. Tracy maps out the "Pattern Cycle"—that predictable, exhausting dance you fall into (Pursuer/Withdrawer, Critic/Defender, etc.). Seeing our cycle laid out on the page was like having a map of a haunted house we were trapped in. Suddenly, we could point to the step where we always got lost. Naming it (“Ah, we’re in the ‘Freeze and Flee’ part”) gave us the power to interrupt it.

3. The Goal Isn’t to Stop Conflict. It’s to Learn its Language.
We thought a good relationship meant no fighting. We were wrong. Dr. Tracy reframes conflict as a messenger, not an enemy. It’s delivering vital information about an unmet need or a protected wound. The skill isn’t avoidance; it’s learning to decode the message. This shifted everything. Now, when tension rises, we try (key word: try) to pause and ask, “What is this really trying to tell us?”

4. The Therapist Has a Therapist (And Shares Her Own Stumbles).
This is the book’s superpower. Dr. Tracy doesn’t just share client stories (which are gripping and varied); she generously opens the door to her own marriage. Reading about her and her husband falling into their own patterned ruts is the ultimate permission slip. It whispers: See? Even the expert gets it wrong sometimes. The work is lifelong, and it’s for everyone. It removes any last shred of shame.

5. Joy is Found in the Repair, Not the Perfection.
We were chasing a fantasy of seamless harmony. This book grounds joy in something more attainable and beautiful: the moment of repair. That sigh of relief when you finally hear each other, the gentle touch after a hard conversation, the inside joke that emerges from surviving a misunderstanding. Dr. Tracy teaches that these moments of reconnection are the actual bricks of a resilient relationship, not the absence of cracks.

I Didn’t Sign Up For This is for anyone who has ever looked at their partner and thought, “This isn’t what I pictured.” It’s for the weary, the stuck, and the secretly hopeful. Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is the compassionate, honest friend we all need, the one who hands you a glass of wine, nods as you recount your fight, and says, “Let’s look at the pattern. And by the way, last Tuesday, here’s what happened in my kitchen…”

It didn’t give me a perfect relationship. It gave me something better: a flashlight, a map, and the courage to believe that the love I signed up for might be on the other side of the work I was afraid to do. And for the record, we bought a dishwasher. But more importantly, we learned to talk about the cup before it ever hit the sink.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/49XTNzn

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12/19/2025

Navigating that upcoming holiday dinner with family?

You and your partner can feel more like a team going into it.

Thank you for this conversation and sharing my new book — You, Your Husband, and His Mother: Create a Healthy Relationship with Your Mother-In-Law—and Your Spouse—in 5 Simple Steps.

12/18/2025

When your partner leaves and your body finally exhales, that’s not a sign your marriage is failing!!

It’s called interdependence.

And when you take time apart, it lets you reset, remember yourself, and come back with more to give to your partner—not less.

Closeness doesn’t come from being together all the time.

It comes from choosing each other again and again, especially after you’ve had space to be you.

**Note. Sometimes that time apart feels sooooo good because you’ve had a period of being on (a time of connection, of attuning, and being responsive.)

12/17/2025

You don’t need to stay silent. 

You don’t need to keep feeling like a victim in a family system that you didn’t choose.

You CAN create a healthy family system that prioritizes your marriage over the needs of old patterns that predated your relationship.

Here’s what I want you to know:
For so many couples, the issue isn’t a single person. It’s the triangle you were dropped into without language, tools, or guidance.

When no one names the pattern, you end up stuck defending, pleasing, withdrawing, or resenting—while your relationship pays the price. And over time, that erodes safety, trust, and connection between you and your partner.

But when you understand the structure you’re in, everything changes.
Clarity replaces blame.
Alignment replaces confusion.
And the system begins to reorganize around your partnership.

✨ This is exactly the work I walk couples through in You, Your Husband, and His Mother.

Using the VAULT Method, I help you identify the triangle you’re in, understand the legacy patterns at play, and build a relationship that feels secure, protected, and connected—without cutting people off or carrying guilt.

💬 Comment TRIANGLE and I’ll send you the details.

in-law dynamics | family systems therapy | triangulation in relationships | marriage boundaries | couples communication | mother-in-law conflict | emotional safety in marriage

12/17/2025

Thank you for bringing this conversation forward just before the holidays.

We don’t get to choose the family we enter into, but you do get to build a solid marriage — one where your extended family never are not in your bed.

👉 For more, be sure to check out my new book You, Your Husband and His Mother: Create a Healthy Relationship with Your Mother-In-Law—and Your Spouse—in Five Simple Steps.

Holiday boundaries
Connected families
Navigating boundaries with in-laws

12/16/2025

When one set of grandkids gets all the attention, it hurts.

You notice it. Maybe your kids are at the age where they feel it. And you’re wondering how to address this without creating more conflict.

Here’s what I want you to know 👇👇

There’s a way to stay grounded in your truth and open the door to honest conversation.

Inside You, Your Husband, and His Mother: Create a Healthy Relationship with Your Mother-in-Law—and Your Spouse—in Five Simple Steps, I walk you through how to approach tough family dynamics with clarity, compassion, and confidence.

Comment THE TRIANGLE and I’ll send you the link.

grandparent favoritism | in-law relationships | family boundaries | parenting support | couples therapy tools

12/12/2025

Yes, in-law conflict feels personal.
But when you approach it as a team, it reinforces the idea that your relationship comes first.

Let me tell you this:
One of the biggest shifts I see in couples is when they stop treating the in-law dynamic like it’s her issue or his problem—and start seeing it as a shared one.

That’s where the real change begins.

But here’s what we can’t skip over:
Empathy.

If you’re the one struggling with your in-laws, you might feel hurt or dismissed when your partner stays quiet. But they’re navigating their own emotional legacy—decades of default dynamics, unspoken expectations, and the fear of disappointing their family.

That’s why your relationship needs both:
Boundaries and empathy.
Alignment and grace.
A united front that doesn’t erase history, but helps you write a different future.

💬 Comment TRIANGLE and I’ll send you all the details for my book You, Your Husband, and His Mother.
It’s the guide to help you and your partner finally stop the blame game, understand your dynamic, and learn how to work with each other—not against.

in-law boundaries | couples therapy | mother-in-law issues | marriage advice | triangulation in relationships | family dynamics | emotional safety in marriage

12/11/2025

You have the power to change how your next conversation goes.

👉 Listen to this week’s podcast episode on Dear Dr. Tracy. I’m sharing how Greg saying ‘you’re right’ landed, and how you can actually change your dismissive negative spirals.

Comment DISMISS and I’ll send you the links to listen.

✨And if you’re looking for more, grab my TEN scripts on how to respond to your partner in these moments. Comment DEFENSE and I’ll send it your way.