Ottawa Valley Counselling

08/07/2021

Fear
Hi, it’s Azadeh. A few days ago I was travelling between cities with my loved ones; it was a very nice road, I hope you get to experience it. The scenery was green and spectacular; the fog had covered half of the road and when you looked around, it looked as if the fog had embraced the tall, beautiful cedar trees. A slow music was playing in the car and the aroma of sweetbriers had filled the air. Everything was set to bring serenity to one, but I don’t know why I was feeling more anxious than calm. I noticed myself that everyone else in the car was talking about the peaceful surroundings, the spectacular beauty of nature, and the nice weather – which were all undeniable – but I was feeling so anxious it prevented me from enjoying all these gifts. Finally I realized my anxiety spiked when I looked out the right window at the beautiful valley next to the road and my heart started racing; I repeated this a few times and eventually made sure that a fear of heights was the main reason for my anxiety. I was so angry with myself! Specially because others were looking out the window, talking about the beauties of nature in detail, the green valleys and waterfalls that flowed from the mountains into these spectacular green valleys, and inviting each other to observe the beauties.
After my discovery, I began analyzing the situation for myself and realized that not only today and regarding my fear of heights, but at other times in my life when everything was set for me to enjoy a situation, I have deprived myself of that sense of serenity and joy because of fear. When I looked into it more, I realized that the real reason behind my feeling of anxiety on different instances is fear. We spent the rest of the trip talking about this topic and the connection between fear and anxiety. It was quite interesting when I realized how widespread this connection is and everyone started telling stories about how they had experienced it. One of them said, “When my teenage daughter goes out, I am filled with so much anxiety.” Thinking together, we realized that the reason for our friend’s anxiety was the fear that something bad would happen to their daughter. Another one of our companions said, “I feel so anxious as soon as I realize there is a disagreement between my spouse and I that heart races, my voice shakes, and I can’t speak calmly. Together we were able to find the root cause of this anxiety, which was the fear that the disagreement would turn into an argument or a fight. Anyways, everyone participated in the discussion by sharing their experience, which was very interesting, but it also distracted me from looking out the window into the beautiful deep green valley, which meant I didn’t feel anxious anymore. After going over the stories someone asked, “Now that we know the root cause of our anxiety is fear, how can we get rid of these different kinds of fear in our life?” This was a very good question, so we all started brainstorming and suggesting the solutions that came to our mind. After a few minutes, we agreed that the best solution to get rid of a fear is confronting it instead of tiptoeing around it or refusing to face it. So, we made a deal that I would look at the beautiful valley, talk to myself about its beauties, and if the thought of falling came to my mind, let it pass through while refocusing on talking about the detailed beauties of this green valley. We decided that by putting myself in situations that scare me and having a logical conversation with myself (either quietly or out loud), I could overcome my fear. We also said that if I felt my anxiety was rising too much, I would focus my attention on something else for a few minutes and then return to looking at the valley.
Accordingly, I began the practice of looking into the beautiful green valley and narrating everything I see for my companions with specific details. I did have to divert my attention to the people who were travelling with me to control the anxiety a few time. It was a difficult task at first and I could hear my heartbeat even when talking about the beautiful valley. I felt my heartbeat in my throat and my friends said that they even noticed my color change, but I gradually realized that the longer I look at the valley, the weaker my anxiety symptoms become. I felt really good afterwards for being able to overcome a problem I had for many years. It felt great to have been able to exit the fake state of peace I had created for myself by not confronting my fear; so, I shared my experience with everyone else and told them that if we want to fight our fears to enjoy our lives more sincerely, we must first distance ourselves from the situations that give us superficial peace, experience our fear, and grow from what we learn. I was happier after this exercise and felt much more confident, so we all decided to apply this method in situations when fear takes over us despite its hardship and enjoy our lives more. It’s a reality that fear restricts us and our lives. In addition to inducing anxiety, fear reduces our self-esteem and courage in facing problems. Fear decreases people’s creativity in different situations and prevents them from making creative and robust decisions. Today, I want to suggest to you, my dear audience, to reflect on yourself and - if you find a fear within you or if you realize that you feel anxious - use the confrontation method and allow yourself to walk outside the superficial comfort zone that you have forced yourself into and enjoy your lives more. I leave you until the next “thought out loud”; goodbye!

06/26/2021

A COVID Explosion
Hi, it’s Azadeh. I’ve been feeling really blue these past few days; about what? I’ll tell you.
Today I was thinking that in the current circumstances, all of us are like unexploded bombs, waiting for a spark to go off; this explosion might hurt just us, or the blast should hurt others who were standing close to us.
Of course, standing close to each other would have had benefits for all of the group members before the explosion; they wouldn’t feel alone, they could enjoy each other’s company, they could support each other in hardships, etc.
Then I thought, group work or having family, a partner, or your children around you is excellent at these difficult times when we are all feeling down; it would give us a sense of community and erase our feeling of loneliness; but if an explosion happens, the risk of being hurt from the blast is also higher.
So I thought, now that the benefits of being together outweigh the benefits of being alone, we must find a solution to prevent a potential explosion or protect ourselves from the blast. I reached the conclusion that if members of a family or group assure each other once and for all that they love each other and are glad to be together while being aware of their differences, then they can trust each other fully and reduce the risk of an explosion or being harmed due to the blast.
Of course, it’s not enough that we don’t intend to harm others since sometimes, what harms others is not our mal intention, but our bitter tongue.
I was having these internal conversations with myself when the memories of the past year began marching in front of my eyes.
I remembered how much our lives had changed in the past year, what an emotional roller coaster we had been on due to all the changes around us, and how much we needed to take those changes seriously and attempt to heal them before an explosion happens.
For example, if I notice I haven’t been feeling well, if I have been down for quite some time, if I always feel like crying, if I don’t want to talk to anyone, if I have thoughts of hurting myself, if I have become more aggressive and the smallest things throw me off my balance and I start shouting and throwing stuff and hurting myself or others, even if I feel inclined to do those things, I must take these symptoms seriously and seek to find ways to control and put an end to these tendencies and thoughts.
These days, when we talk about changes in our lives, we don’t just mean working from home instead of going to work; we mean that not going to work has reduced the amount of mental stimuli we receive during the day; we meet fewer people, we have fewer dialogues in real life, we don’t see our friends like we did before, we don’t plan anything for our weekends, we don’t go to different stores even just to wander around, we don’t go the doctor for a simple cold, we don’t wait in pharmacy lines for hours, we don’t take our kids from class to class and talk to their teachers about why they are less motivated to come to school! You see? Our brain had been so active and we didn’t even know it. All of these activities occupied our mind for an hour, a minute, or even a second; we could experience a variety of feelings, from happiness to anxiety and stress in a single moment. So, at night, when the family came together, we had so much to say to each other, and we had a justifiable reason for our physical and mental exhaust due to everything we had gone through during the day.
We even had better reasons to feel angry at each other because we were exhausted and there were a ton of problems from getting stuck in the snow to a traffic jam to dealing with friends, colleagues, and bosses that we could count as justifiable reasons for our harsh behavior.
Now, most of these mental activities have been put on pause and been replaced with other brain activities that can mostly be categorized in the “stressful thoughts” category. We have also been experiencing a higher level of negative emotions like anxiety, stress, and fear of the unknown due to the increase in these stressful thoughts. So, does this that it is completely logical and understandable if we explode and harm ourselves and others?
As I evaluated the situation, I concluded that even all the unexpected and worrying events that have happened during the past year cannot justify our bitter language and harsh behavior towards people around us, especially our closest circle. By continuing on this path of wrongful methods of communication and choosing the wrong outlets for our negative emotions, we make it quite likely and possible that we’ll lose our relationships with those we love most deeply not due to the Coronavirus, but because of us and how we behave.
I hope we can all prevent such family disaster from taking place in these historically difficult circumstances by choosing options like doing leisure activities with family inside or outside the house, having pleasant conversations with them, doing daily workout exercises, and paying serious attention to our diet and sleeping habits. Be well!

05/24/2021

The will

7 February 2019
Hi, it’s Azadeh with another bizarre thought.

It all started when we decided to go to the lawyer to write a will. If I wanna be honest, even accepting the idea was somehow hard for me, let alone actually doing it.
Anyways, consulting the lawyer, we decided to go forward with composing our will in two steps: first was getting the forms and filling them at home, and then bringing them back to Mr. lawyer.

I hadn’t filled more than a few pages of the forms when I felt the usual butterflies jumping up and down in my stomach. I was chocked up so much I couldn’t even flip the page. I closed the will booklet and started thinking, why was I feeling so sick? Why was I short of breath? Could I be dying? Was I upset because I was packing to leave life on Earth? I suddenly felt overwhelmed with missing my kids, my husband, and everyone I loved. Suddenly, the thought of how difficult it would be not to be able to talk to them, laugh and joke with them, listen to them talk about their problems, and open up my heart to them every day or at least every couple of days filled my mind. How sad that I wouldn’t be able to see my grandchildren grow up and miss out on the successful days of my children and those dear to my heart. I even thought about the terrible weather and wondered how much I would miss the cold, or the habit of complaining about the weather every time we see each other, cursing ourselves for coming here and not going to Florida instead! How much I would miss the exhaustion after 10-12 hours of work, a sound sleep after a long day, or a delicious meal on a stomach that has been empty for hours!

After a few minutes of thinking through all my longings well and crying about the time after my death, and while the pretty, colorful butterflies in my stomach had exhausted themselves by flying around, I sat in a corner of my brain next to my tearful thoughts, caressed them a while, and told them that I understand. I told them that I know it will happen someday, just as I know it does for all other humans. I tried comforting them and said that no one has been able to escape death and I won’t be an exception. I listed all the proverbs I knew, told them “it’s a black camel that will kneel at everyone’s door”, told them “it’s a matter of time, not a matter of certainty”.

After they settled down a little I said, “for God’s sake, you’re still alive and breathing, you can still talk and see your children and everyone you love, enjoy their company, and feel blessed for everyone and everything you have and even the things you don’t, like nice fall weather in the midst of Ottawa winter, so enjoy!”

Be grateful for the moments, believe that we can’t turn the clock back, what’s gone is gone forever and can’t be redeemed at any price, even if your will is full of a list of real estate and assets that you’ll leave behind. So, instead of being upset and weeping for your death in an unspecific future, enjoy the moments, and allow others to enjoy your company and make good memories as well by keeping up a good attitude.

I told myself that neither I nor anything that I have listed in the booklet will last for my family, what will last is the memories they have with me and will carry with them through life, so make sure to leave behind some good memories in the booklet after all.

After this rational conversation with myself, I decided to open up the booklet again and carry on the task that our lawyer had placed upon us braver and with a new perspective.

I wish you great, sweet, and worthy memories to leave behind in your will for those who mourn you.
May life treat you well, and until the next time I’m “Thinking Out Loud”, goodbye

03/30/2020

03/12/2020

Dear all,

We respect and follow all the advice from Public Health and Government of Canada about Coronavirus (COVID - 19). So, we decided to have phone/Skype appointment setup for those who cannot attend in-office appointments for any reason.
You can book your virtual appointments through our page at

Looking forward to serving you.

Regards,
Azadeh Tabatabai

01/05/2020

Be honest. How often do you scroll through social media, watch a cute video, read an article, check the weather, play games, or google something interesting on your cell phone?

10/14/2019

Parenting tips for raising happy children. bit.ly/2QIza1G