Formby Postnatal Counselling

02/02/2026

If you're an exhausted mum who can't rest even when the baby's asleep, this one is for you!

It's likely that this isn't about better time management. I've written a blog about why your drive to be productive might actually fuelling your overwhelm (and what to do instead).

Here's the link:
https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/2026/02/02/why-just-trying-harder-is-making-you-more-overwhelmed-as-a-mum-and-what-to-do-instead/

06/01/2026

Did things feel a bit easier as a new mum over Christmas but now you're back parenting alone and you can feel the anxiety or low mood creeping back in?

You're not alone. I've written a blog about this and you can read it here:

Struggling with postnatal anxiety or low mood in January? Expert postnatal counsellor explains why new mums find January harder & how therapy can help.

04/12/2025

Trying to gentle parent when this isn't what you received yourself?

It can feel really difficult to keep your cool in the face of toddler tantrums and the sensory overload of being touched all the time, the mess, the noise...

In my recent blog post, I talk about why it can be so difficult to break these transgenerational cycles and how I help my clients with this stuff.

Here's the link:
https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/2025/12/01/reparenting-yourself-while-parenting-little-kids-why-its-so-hard-and-how-therapy-can-help/

02/12/2025

You’ve somehow ended up with every single day booked doing things that you’re not entirely sure you want to do, but you can’t say no because that would disappoint people.

And as a Highly Sensitive Person, you can FEEL their disappointment almost like it’s your own emotion.

So you say yes. And yes. And yes again.

And then that low-level resentment starts building.

Or maybe it’s actual rage by this point.

You try to gently push back but people seem conveniently unable to hear you.

You try to explain your needs but get met with guilt trips or defensiveness.

Here’s what’s really happening:

Those people-pleasing patterns you learned as a child?

The ones where your needs were inconvenient to your caregivers?

They’re showing up right now, making it feel impossible to put yourself first.

But here’s the truth:

Saying no to others sometimes means saying yes to yourself.

And teaching your children that it’s okay to have needs and boundaries?

That’s breaking generational cycles right there.

This is exactly the sort of thing I help clients unpick in therapy - having someone neutral in your corner who doesn’t know your family and can help you work out what YOU actually want beneath all the noise.

DM me THERAPY or book a call at the link below to get started 🌱

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

04/11/2025

Struggling to let go of a difficult experience but not sure if it would be classed as 'trauma'?

I've written a blog about why I often don't use that word with clients even if (clinically) their experience might be classified in that way:

https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/2025/11/04/why-i-dont-always-use-the-word-trauma-with-my-postnatal-clients-and-why-that-matters/

21/05/2025

When control was your safety blanket and now it’s nowhere to be found as a mum… 🫠

Before kids you could control everything. Your schedule was yours. Your house stayed tidy. You knew exactly how your day would unfold.

That control wasn’t just nice - it’s likely that it was also an unconscious safety behaviour that kept the anxiety monsters at bay.

Then this tiny human arrived who did not get the memo about your need for predictability.

Suddenly you can’t control:

🌊 if/ when you sleep

🌊 if you’ll shower that day

🌊 whether you’ll make it anywhere on time

🌊 whether you’ll get through the Tesco shop without someone having a meltdown and everyone staring at you

That old safety net of control? It’s got massive holes in it now.

Your nervous system is like: ‘We do not like this! This unpredictability feels DANGEROUS!’

No wonder you’re feeling anxious: your brain’s warning system is just doing its job and alerting you to perceived danger (which might have been very real if things were unpredictable for you as a child).

The trick isn’t getting your control back (spoiler alert: not really possible with small children…)

The trick is building a sense of internal safety that you can tap into even when everything on the outside feels chaotic.

This is exactly the sort of thing I help my deeply-feeling clients with: unpicking the roots of that old safety behaviour and learning new tools to feel safe in the present.

If you’re ready to let go of ‘perfect’ and learn to feel safe in the messy reality of motherhood, get in touch about therapy.

You can book a free 20 min call here:

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

Or check out my website here:

https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com

08/05/2025

This week is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week and, sadly, this week is still so necessary as so many new parents are not being heard when they voice that they're struggling.

This year's theme is 'your voice, your strength' and I've written a blog post about how I feel about this theme as a postnatal therapist with lived experience of postnatal mental health struggles.

You can read it here:
https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/2025/05/07/maternal-mental-health-awareness-week-2025/

16/04/2025

How do you feel about asking for help?

🌊Anxious?

🌊“I can’t do that”?

🌊It’s no big deal?

Here’s what this might tell you about your attachment style...

🌊Anxious:

In your family of origin, you might have learned that help was available but only when things were SERIOUS or when the other person was in a good mood.

This meant that you had to pick your timing. ⏱

Working out when the other person might have been receptive to helping you or whether your thing was serious/ worthy ‘enough’ to ask for help with probably had you feeling really anxious.

These patterns might still be online today.

🌊“I can’t ask for help”

When you were little, your parents might have had a lot going on and you got the message that you were ‘too much’ or an inconvenience when you asked for something or had needs.

To maintain your relationship with your caregivers, you might have gotten really good at just sorting yourself out.

That independence has probably stood you in good stead for big chunks of your life as our culture really values it.

However... how is that going for you now you’re a mum?
We didn’t evolve to parent alone and trying to do so might be leading to feelings of anxiety, overwhelm or rage.

🌊It’s no big deal

If you feel like you can ask for help when you need it without panicking about what the other person is going to think of you or assuming that there’s no point in asking because no help is coming, you are likely to be securely attached.

It’s likely that your caregivers had the capacity to be emotionally attuned to you and to meet your needs ‘enough’ for you to feel safe to reach out when you were upset or needed help.

This means that you probably don’t have a problem doing this as an adult either.

So, what if you’re not securely attached? 🧐

You can change your attachment style! 🌱

The good news about attachment is that it is totally possible to become more secure (even as an adult) as a result of having a positive relational experience with another safe and reliable adult.

This could be a partner, a friend or a therapist.

But why bother doing the work to become more securely attached?

The research suggests that attachment styles tend to be passed down through the generations - if you’re not securely attached, chances are that your parents weren’t either and back and back it goes.

Wouldn’t it feel great to be able to ask for help without the side order of anxiety? 🌱

How would it feel to start to re-write the attachment story in your family for generations to come?

Interested in finding out more?

Counselling is a great space to do attachment work.

Head to the link below to book a free 20 minute call about 1:1 counselling to see if it might be right for you:

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

Website: https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/

19/03/2025

What if your postnatal anxiety is actually...

The tension of knowing what you want to do as a parent, but not feeling able to do it because you’re worried about the fallout from other people.

Healthy anger in disguise: people are doing something that is not ok for you but you don’t feel like you can tell them so you feel anxious.

Overwhelm: anxiety could be a protective part of you’s way of letting you know that it feels completely overburdened and can’t keep up with all the things.

All of this has to do with how much space you feel allowed to take up and the extent to which you feel safe to clearly communicate your boundaries and needs to others.

But imagine for a minute how it would feel to:

🌱 know where your limits are and how to communicate these

🌱 reclaim anger (not aggression) as a healthy emotion with some dead useful info for you

🌱 tune into how YOU want to parent and tune out the noise from other people around your decisions

Having worked with mums just like you, I can tell you that THIS is what anxiety work can look like.

Sound interesting? Head to the link below to book a free 20 min call to get started or head to my website for more details 💜

Book a call:
https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

My website:
https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/

29/01/2025

Are you the eldest daughter/ only child in your family of origin?

Do you struggle with anxiety and overwhelm as a mum?

‘Eldest daughter syndrome’ isn’t a scientific term but it’s one that resonates with a lot of eldest daughters.

Here’s what it might look like...

Growing up, you might have been like a mini mum to your sibling(s).

You might have kept an eye on how the adults were feeling so that you could get your siblings out of the way or stop them fighting if your parents were in a bad mood.

You might have been the one who emotionally supported both your parents and your siblings during your childhood/ teenage years.

You might have been held to a higher standard than your sibling(s) because you were the eldest.

You might have felt a lot of pressure (from yourself or others) to do well and so developed very high standards for yourself from an early age.

You might not have felt able to share your needs or feelings with your parents because you didn’t want to ‘burden’ them so you learned to keep things inside and sort yourself out.

Is this sounding familiar?

If this is you, motherhood might feel particularly challenging because:

🌊 Your emotional needs were not top of the agenda so you weren’t helped to regulate your emotions as a child.

You might have had to deal with big, scary emotions like rage or fear by yourself so they still feel scary now
(in yourself or others).

🌊 Those very high standards that you have for yourself have likely extended to motherhood so you have a very clear idea of what you “should” be doing and beat yourself up when you can’t seem to live up to your own standards.

You might also be acutely aware of other people who seem to be getting it ‘right’ and feel awful about yourself in comparison.

🌊 That independence you developed as a child (and the low-maintenance persona you might have been praised for) might now be biting you in the bum.

Suddenly you’re in a position where you really need support (it takes a village!) but it feels completely alien to ask for help and admit that you might not be able to do it all alone.

If this is you, it would make a lot of sense if you were feeling anxious and overwhelmed as a mum!

You’re not broken. The patterns that you developed as a child to keep you safe and fit in with the family just aren’t serving you anymore.

Awareness of this stuff is always step one 🫶

If you’d like some help with unpicking this stuff from someone who gets it, get in touch.

1:1 counselling is the perfect place to unravel what you want to let go of and what you want to keep from your childhood ways of being.

Head to the link below to book a free 20 minute call or DM me THERAPY to get started.

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

You can also find out more about working with me on my website:

https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/