Alana Carvalho Therapy - The Codependent Perfectionist

Alana Carvalho Therapy - The Codependent Perfectionist A series on the dynamics of codependency and perfectionism.

Self identified as the Codependent Perfectionist, Alana gives you a mix of psychoeducation and anecdotes from her own work as a therapist to understand how theseissues play out in everyday life. Alana Carvalho is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, Substance Abuse Counselor, and Sandtray Therapist based in NYC & NJ.

03/16/2026

Think healing means you’ll never get triggered again?

That’s not the goal.

The goal isn’t perfection.
It isn’t emotional numbness.
And it definitely isn’t shrinking yourself to keep the peace.

Healing is learning how to stay with yourself when old patterns show up.
It’s noticing when you abandon your needs.
It’s choosing awareness over autopilot.
Compassion over control.

Growth doesn’t mean you stop feeling.
It means you stop running from what you feel.

If this shifted something for you, save it.
And if you’re ready to practice this work with support, you don’t have to do it alone.

🤍

healthyboundaries

03/13/2026

What if I told you… your reaction was part of the plan?

A narcissist will often provoke you on purpose—
poke, dismiss, invalidate, twist your words—
until your nervous system finally snaps.

Not because you’re “too sensitive.”
But because once you react, the focus shifts.

Suddenly:
• You’re “unstable”
• You’re “overreacting”
• And they get to walk away as the victim

This isn’t conflict.
It’s reactive abuse.

The work in healing isn’t proving your point louder.
It’s learning how to protect your regulation, your energy, and your truth—without engaging in the trap.

If this resonates, save it.
If you’re learning how to stop taking the bait, follow along.

03/02/2026

A person’s capacity for growth is directly tied to how much truth they can face about themselves — without running away.

Growth is about being honest.

Honest about your patterns.
Honest about where you avoid responsibility.
Honest about the ways you protect yourself that no longer serve you.

Some people stay stuck not because they can’t change…
but because they can’t tolerate the discomfort of self-reflection.

Healing asks a quiet, brave question:
Can I stay present with myself, even when it’s uncomfortable?

If you’re learning how to do that — without shame, without self-abandonment — you’re already growing.

Save this for the moments you feel the urge to deflect, numb, or blame.
That pause? That’s where healing begins.

02/27/2026

Do you have any more “Just because ... doesn’t mean ...” statements to share with our Codependent Perfectionist community??? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

02/20/2026

★ You are a product of you, not the things that happen to you. ★⁠
⁠
While this requires a LOT of awareness, compassion, processing, and forgiveness, it is a powerful reminder as we break generational cycles, free ourselves from attachment to experiences, and heal for a life of empowerment and peace! ⁠
⁠
Who’s ready to 💪🏽 ?⁠ Head to the link in my bio for the many ways I can help you out!

02/16/2026

“Honoring your own boundaries is the clearest message to others to honor them, too.”

Gina Greenlee

02/13/2026

FFIRM WITH ME: I am now being clear on who I want to be! ⁠
⁠
This quote was taken directly from my podcast episode on Recovery, Self Love and the Importance of Presence with Candy Washington, listen to this episode and more at the link in my bio!⁠
⁠
👀 one of the favorite views from my office in NYC here as well

02/06/2026

While it’s natural to want to make our loved ones happy, it’s ultimately 𝒏𝒐𝒕 within our power to do so. Happiness is a complex and individual experience that comes from within, and it can’t be given or taken away by someone else. ⁠
⁠
When we acknowledge that we can’t make someone else happy, it takes the pressure off both parties and allows for a more authentic and fulfilling relationship. ⁠
⁠
⭐Please do not forget that this also applies to parenting children! As parents, we want nothing more than to create a world filled with only pleasant experiences for our children, but we must relinquish control and commit to walking besides our children and supporting them / guiding them as they create their own happiness. ⁠
⁠
This also empowers each person to take ownership of their 𝒐𝒘𝒏 happiness and to work towards creating a life that feels fulfilling and meaningful to them.⁠
⁠
👀 Peep some of the beautifully sandtray collection at my office in this video as well!

02/02/2026

“You don’t let go of a bad relationship because you stop caring about them.
You let go because you
start caring about yourself.”

Charles Orlando

01/27/2026

Ever catch yourself thinking, “Why did that bother me so much?”
Here’s the truth about triggers: they’re not overreactions ... they’re information.

When you pause and ask “What triggered me?”, you’re giving yourself the gift of clarity instead of shame.

In my work, I teach that a trigger is usually pointing to one of three things:
* A boundary that was crossed
* A need that’s been ignored
* A wound that’s asking to be healed

And once you name the trigger?
You get to choose your next step - not spiral, not people-please, and not blame yourself.

Try this sequence:

Identify it: “I felt dismissed,” “I felt unsafe,” “I felt responsible for someone else’s emotions.”

Validate it: “It makes sense I reacted this way.”

Respond, don’t react: take a break, set a boundary, speak honestly, or give yourself care.

Release the shame, there is nothing “wrong” with you for being triggered.

This is emotional maturity.
This is nervous system healing.
This is everything we practice inside the Codependent Perfectionist Support Community.

If you want to stop spiraling and start understanding yourself with compassion, comment COMMUNITY and I’ll send the details.

01/12/2026

“When people ⁠
set boundaries with you, ⁠
it’s their attempt to ⁠
continue the relationship ⁠
with you. ⁠
It’s not an attempt to hurt you.”⁠
⁠
Elizabeth Earnshaw⁠
⁠

01/09/2026

Definitely wasn’t me!

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The Codependent Perfectionist is a series on the dynamics of codependency and perfectionism. Alana Carvalho, LMHC self identifies as the Codependent Perfectionist, giving you a mix of psychoeducation and anecdotes from her own work as a therapist to understand how these issues play out in everyday life.

Contact Alana: alana@acarvalhotherapy.com or following on Instagram alanacarvalhotherapy for any questions or comments!