Alana Carvalho Therapy - The Codependent Perfectionist

Alana Carvalho Therapy - The Codependent Perfectionist A series on the dynamics of codependency and perfectionism.

Self identified as the Codependent Perfectionist, Alana gives you a mix of psychoeducation and anecdotes from her own work as a therapist to understand how theseissues play out in everyday life. Alana Carvalho is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, Substance Abuse Counselor, and Sandtray Therapist based in NYC & NJ.

02/06/2026

While it’s natural to want to make our loved ones happy, it’s ultimately 𝒏𝒐𝒕 within our power to do so. Happiness is a complex and individual experience that comes from within, and it can’t be given or taken away by someone else. ⁠
⁠
When we acknowledge that we can’t make someone else happy, it takes the pressure off both parties and allows for a more authentic and fulfilling relationship. ⁠
⁠
⭐Please do not forget that this also applies to parenting children! As parents, we want nothing more than to create a world filled with only pleasant experiences for our children, but we must relinquish control and commit to walking besides our children and supporting them / guiding them as they create their own happiness. ⁠
⁠
This also empowers each person to take ownership of their 𝒐𝒘𝒏 happiness and to work towards creating a life that feels fulfilling and meaningful to them.⁠
⁠
👀 Peep some of the beautifully sandtray collection at my office in this video as well!

02/02/2026

“You don’t let go of a bad relationship because you stop caring about them.
You let go because you
start caring about yourself.”

Charles Orlando

01/27/2026

Ever catch yourself thinking, “Why did that bother me so much?”
Here’s the truth about triggers: they’re not overreactions ... they’re information.

When you pause and ask “What triggered me?”, you’re giving yourself the gift of clarity instead of shame.

In my work, I teach that a trigger is usually pointing to one of three things:
* A boundary that was crossed
* A need that’s been ignored
* A wound that’s asking to be healed

And once you name the trigger?
You get to choose your next step - not spiral, not people-please, and not blame yourself.

Try this sequence:

Identify it: “I felt dismissed,” “I felt unsafe,” “I felt responsible for someone else’s emotions.”

Validate it: “It makes sense I reacted this way.”

Respond, don’t react: take a break, set a boundary, speak honestly, or give yourself care.

Release the shame, there is nothing “wrong” with you for being triggered.

This is emotional maturity.
This is nervous system healing.
This is everything we practice inside the Codependent Perfectionist Support Community.

If you want to stop spiraling and start understanding yourself with compassion, comment COMMUNITY and I’ll send the details.

01/12/2026

“When people ⁠
set boundaries with you, ⁠
it’s their attempt to ⁠
continue the relationship ⁠
with you. ⁠
It’s not an attempt to hurt you.”⁠
⁠
Elizabeth Earnshaw⁠
⁠

01/09/2026

Definitely wasn’t me!

01/05/2026

Your peace grows the moment you stop trying to control what was never yours to manage.

Healing is reclaiming your energy, strengthening your boundaries, and choosing yourself with intention. This happens one grounded moment at a time.

If you want daily support as you untangle old patterns and return to yourself…
🤍 The Codependent Perfectionist Oracle Cards were created to guide you through that process with gentle, powerful clarity.

🗨️ Comment CARDS and I’ll send you a free PDF sample of the deck.
Or head to my shop in my bio to order your full deck and start your healing ritual today.

12/26/2025

Setting a boundary with yourself means creating limits that protect your own well-being. ⁠
⁠
These internal boundaries help you show up more authentically in your relationships and honor your needs first. ⁠
⁠
💠 8 POWERFUL BOUNDARIES TO SET WITH YOURSELF 💠⁠
⁠
I will stop saying “yes” when I really mean “no.”⁠
I will make time for myself —without guilt.⁠
I will not tolerate disrespect, even from myself.⁠
I will forgive myself when needed⁠
I will say “no” to self-criticism and perfectionism.⁠
I will give myself permission to rest—without needing to earn it.⁠
I will protect my peace by limiting toxic interactions.⁠
I will prioritize my needs, even if it means disappointing others⁠

perfectionism perfectionist codependencyrecovery

12/19/2025

1️⃣ You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. Stop calling it “love” when it’s control disguised as care.
2️⃣ Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not is self-abandonment, not strength.
3️⃣ People-pleasing isn’t kindness - it’s fear of rejection. And fear will never create real connection.
4️⃣ Your boundaries don’t need approval to be valid.
5️⃣ The apology you’re waiting for might never come. Heal anyway.
6️⃣ Over-functioning doesn’t make you worthy - it makes you exhausted.
7️⃣ Sometimes “letting go” isn’t weakness; it’s self-respect.
8️⃣ You can’t heal in the same environment that broke you.
9️⃣ Your peace will cost you relationships with people committed to chaos - pay it.
🔟 Healing requires choosing discomfort now over resentment later.

Tough love, I know. But this is where real freedom begins ... when you stop betraying yourself for approval and start showing up for you.

If this hit hard, it’s because you’re ready to grow.

🤍 Dive deeper inside The Codependent Perfectionist Support Community, where we turn these truths into action, with live support, tools, and accountability to help you stop performing and start living.

👉 Comment COMMUNITY or click the link in bio to join us.

12/15/2025

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, ⁠
what you stop, and what you reinforce. ” ⁠
⁠
Tony Gaskins

12/05/2025

✨ Welcome!! I’m so glad you’re here. ✨

If you’ve found your way here, you’re probably in the process of unlearning old patterns - the people-pleasing, perfectionism, and codependency that kept you feeling small, anxious, or responsible for everyone else’s emotions.

This space is for you.
For the ones healing their boundaries.
For the ones learning to rest without guilt.
For the ones who want peace more than approval.

You’re not alone anymore ... and it’s never too late to start showing up differently.

I’m so happy you’ve found this community. Welcome home. 🤍

#

12/01/2025

“Narcissists
rewrite history.
Don’t let them
edit your truth.”

Shahida Arabi

11/28/2025

Looking for some inspiration for your week? ✨

📸 Screenshot to reveal your card from my Codependent Perfectionist Oracle Deck!

Let me know which card you pulled in the comments👇 and grab a deck for yourself at home at the link in my bio or through this post! You don’t want to miss the incredible unique artwork by local artist made specifically for each card!

🔹 Each of the 53 cards in my Codependent Perfectionist Oracle Deck focuses on a specific topic related to Codependency & Perfectionism and includes my insight on the topic as well as a direct reflection prompt so you can work on your healing any time, any day!
⁠
✨ 𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 right in my shop in my bio!

Address

875 6th Avenue Suite 1602
New York, NY
10001

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 9pm
Tuesday 9am - 9pm
Wednesday 9am - 9pm
Thursday 9am - 9pm
Friday 9am - 5pm

Telephone

(732) 778-0107

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Alana Carvalho Therapy - The Codependent Perfectionist posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Practice

Send a message to Alana Carvalho Therapy - The Codependent Perfectionist:

Shortcuts

Featured

Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn
Share on Pinterest Share on Reddit Share via Email
Share on WhatsApp Share on Instagram Share on Telegram

Category

Our Story

The Codependent Perfectionist is a series on the dynamics of codependency and perfectionism. Alana Carvalho, LMHC self identifies as the Codependent Perfectionist, giving you a mix of psychoeducation and anecdotes from her own work as a therapist to understand how these issues play out in everyday life.

Contact Alana: alana@acarvalhotherapy.com or following on Instagram alanacarvalhotherapy for any questions or comments!