01/26/2026
This birthday felt different. not because of the number, but because of how settled I feel in my life.
For a long time, I didn’t know if love or a life like this would actually be in the cards for me. Not in a dramatic way, Just in the way where you keep going and wonder if this part will finally happen or if you missed your window.
But the part I’m so proud of looking back is that I didnt put my life on hold while I waited to find out.
I healed the parts of myself that needed it. I put myself out there. Prioritized myself. I built work I was proud of.
I took trips alone. I lived fully without pretending partnership didn’t matter to me, and without forcing it to happen on a timeline that wasn’t authentic even if that meant I was lonely sometimes or my heart got broken.
This trip for my 45th birthday was something I used to only dream of. Not just the places or the luxury but the idea of being here and actually enjoying it.
Sitting through long meals without checking out. Ordering what I wanted without turning it into a mental negotiation. Getting dressed, wearing bikinis and feeling comfortable instead of distracted by my body.
Years ago, even if I’d been here, my head would’ve been in overdrive. Managing food. Planning workouts. Telling myself I’d relax later.
This time, I didn’t have any of that.
I was present. I felt secure in my body. I trusted myself with food. I wasn’t bracing for anything.
That same feeling is in my relationship with my husband. No guarding. No overfunctioning . Just ease. And this is the biggest gift.
But here’s the biggest win for me. None of this came from trying harder or convincing myself to be confident or change myself.. it came from staying honest about what I wanted and how I wanted to feel (including in love ) and trusting myself enough not to rush, harden, or give up when there wasn’t evidence yet.
This year feels like confirmation that doing life your own way - even when it looks unorthodox - actually works.
If you’re questioning your timing or wondering if you should want something different by now, you’re not late. And you’re not wrong.
You’re allowed to trust yourself … even before it all makes sense🤍