Anat Trarbach, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist

01/06/2025

Happy New Year to All!

As we step into this season of resolutions and fresh beginnings, I’d like to offer one wish for your consideration:

My wish for ALL is to cultivate an inner life rich with serenity, creativity, strength, and love. That when you close your eyes, you can face your thoughts and emotions with compassion and acceptance. That when you close your eyes, you’re able to imagine new possibilities that inspire you—and believe in yourself enough to bring those visions into your waking life.

Achieving that level of inner peace may require the courage to embark on a healing journey. You might need to confront what feels like darkness within. In time, though, you may come to realize that the journey is not optional—that the only way out is through.

I wish you strength and grace on your individual paths through the darkness, and into the light of relief and eventual blossoming.

With warmth and hope,

05/25/2022

https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2020/01/helping-children-exposed-to-shocking-events/

I’d like to share a resource addressing how to talk to your children about shocking events, in case it helps anyone.

Some points to keep in mind:
1. Take care of yourself first. Make sure you have a go-to support person to offload your own feelings, and do some self-care
2. When possible, try to shield young kids from hearing about these events, and avoid sharing graphic details.
3. When talking to a child about the tragedy, avoid referring to the perpetrator as the ‘bad person’ or dividing the world into good and bad people. The reason is that many young kids struggle with their own feelings of ‘badness’, (their own impulses and bad behaviors). What they need to hear is that everyone has bad urges, and that when we have them we need to reach out for help. Sadly, some people have been very badly treated and when people are deeply hurt and they don’t get help, they tend to want to hurt others.
4. Reassure them that you are doing what you can to keep them safe, and we are all working towards a better world.
5. Be available to listen to any feelings that come up. The feelings won’t necessarily show up as direct reactions to the event at hand, but rather as a big upset about something little.
The article elaborates on these points and more.

We all struggle to deal thoughtfully with natural disasters and senseless violence. A cascade of feelings is triggered in each of us when we are exposed to images of death and strife. It’s shocking to witness the human and material expense of the age-old tool of violence being exacted from us, our...

02/19/2022

This quote captures the heartbreaking reality of being a human child. “A child that is not treated well, does not stop loving it’s parents: that child stops loving itself.” It grows into adult that walks through life carrying around a sense of inner badness.

“A child that is not treated well, does not stop loving its parents: that child stops loving itself.”
~Marian Mudder



Artist: Deb Garlick
Source: Naive Art Extraordinaire
https://charterforcompassion.org

04/16/2021

❤️ so true.

03/24/2021

Add a ❤️ if you agree...

03/22/2021

Parenting during Covid is challenging! Parents and children are both under stress. Here is an article about meeting those challenges with more connection rather than control. That also means more self-care for parents. What do you think?

Many people are experiencing more stress than usual during this time period. You might be experiencing the loss of a family member, a job, or the stresses of spending too much time at home with children in addition to the collective toll of an international pandemic. We are all reeling from this exp...

03/13/2021

This is so true and especially when you are disciplining your kids. Remember that even when they are “misbehaving”, they are fundamentally good, and just need your love and support to get back on track.

For what they believe is what they become!
(Same goes for us adults, by the way. The way we speak to ourselves is what we become!)

03/12/2021

So true but very easy to miss this point! When children feel safe with us after we’ve showered them with love and attention, instead of expressing gratitude, they will begin to show us their areas of struggle.

Truth.

06/09/2020

We need to work hard and harder to eliminate systemic racism, explicit and implicit bias. Racism directly impacts the physical and mental health of its victims and bystanders. To have health equity we all need to intervene to work against racism, within ourselves and our systems.

Here is a quote from The Impact of Racism on Child and Adolescent Health:

"For individual intervention to occur,... bystanders must identify critical situations, view them as an emergency, develop a sense of personal responsibility, have self-efficacy to succeed with the intervention, perceive the costs of nonintervention as high, and consciously decide to help. Research has demonstrated that racism has an effect on health across racial groups in communities reporting high levels of racism, but that racially diverse environments, such as schools, can benefit all youth by improving cognitive skills such as critical thinking and problem-solving."

The American Academy of Pediatrics is committed to addressing the factors that affect child and adolescent health with a focus on issues that may leave some children more vulnerable than others. Racism is a social determinant of health that has a profound impact on the health status of children, ado...

06/09/2020

I'd like to share an interesting project (https://utpsyc.org/covid19/) with you that involves EXPRESSIVE WRITING. Years of research on expressive writing have shown that writing about a topic that troubles you has multiple mental health benefits.

This project, started by a team of social psychologists, prompts users to write for 5-10 minutes about specific topics related to their experience of pandemic. I wish there were a project like this to prompt people to write about current events, specifically about personal experiences of racism.

To learn more about the benefits of expressive writing, and to get some guidance as to how to begin your expressive writing practice, read this article:
https://www.wsj.com/articles/feeling-upset-try-this-special-writing-technique-11590930000

(Please note that if you are depressed, anxious or suffering from another mental health issue expressive writing is not a replacement for therapy).

The Pandemic Project is a social psychology initiative that is studying how our everyday lives are affected by the coronavirus outbreak. For many of us, our worlds, our work, and our social relationships are changing.

06/09/2020

Are you wondering what helps children through difficult life events? This article explores some of the factors that determine whether children will become resilient or develop symptoms of PTSD after exposure to trauma.

I wish the article more specifically addressed the impact of ongoing/chronic toxic stress such as systemic racism. There is no discrete event in such a situation, and rather an ongoing stress inducing predicament, which (without a doubt) has a deleterious effect on a person's physiology and well being.

Nevertheless, the article does point out that when faced with adversity, children who have SUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIPS (family members or otherwise) fare better. Relationships act as a buffer to stress.

When caregivers can be present, and manage their own anxiety, the child will be able to learn from the experience. However, the reality is that adults also need support through challenging times, and it is no shame to reach out when in need.

These are trying times- the pandemic, unemployment, food insecurity, and ongoing systemic racism erode people’s coping capacity, mental and physical health. Let’s learn from past studies about resilience and help support one another through this. Supporting one person has a cascade effect.

Diana Divecha, Ph.D., writes about her favorite psychology research on parenting, children's development and emotional intelligence.

04/29/2020

This is such a great talk with psychologist and psychoanalyst Orna Guralnik about dealing with relationships in the time of Covid-19. She reminds us that in the midst of a collective crisis, some may be triggered into an “unconscious tsunami”. Reflecting on our inner experience can help us navigate this new terrain. Also, since we do not have the boundaries of the busy schedules of our pre-Covid lives, our relationships can face some increased tension. She has some practical and sage advice for different relationship challenges. Listen here:

Dr. Orna Guralnik, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst featured in the Showtime docu-series "Couples Therapy," discusses COVID-19, quarantining, and relationship issues.