10/12/2020
I barely remember this day. I had just got my hair colored and was wasted during it....and then drove home. I'm lucky I never killed anyone. I'm lucky I didn't kill myself. I've driven wasted too many times to even count before I stopped drinking. I was barely eating and completely sick in my eating disorder, alcohol addiction and I didn't think I'd make it to 30.
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I didn't choose to be an alcoholic, but I sure as f**k fought for my life and chose life. It is the thing I am the most proud of. I have struggled with eating disorders, alcohol, benzos, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD from trauma in college (relating to being r***d and seeing a terrible accident where people died near where I lived in UCSB).
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I've struggled but I chose life. I chose to change my life. I chose to be vulnerable, open and honest about my past. I became an activist to help not only myself, but to create a community of those who support one another.
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I don't judge people who are struggling because we share similar stories. Please be kind to yourself. Please be kind to others. You NEVER know what people are struggling with, especially this year.
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Check in on your friends. Choose empathy over judgment. Let's stop the stigma of mental illness.
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*almost 13 years booze free