07/05/2022
Hey guys I am reposting this specifically for men caught up in any limiting beliefs about s*x, relationships, attracting the right partner and or being the sort of partner who both doesn’t give a f**k but is kind and honest and doesn’t trample like a patriarchal f**k nugget. My coaching program which includes sessions, the modules I created around changing your habits and your limiting beliefs, and voice notes back and forth throughout the week, is for people struggling with addictions and compulsions generally but especially for those struggling with process disorders in the areas of food and s*x. P**n addiction, social media addiction, tinder hinge addiction, and deep co-dependency seem to be kicking peoples ass a lot in a pandemic world. Here is a snippet from one of my modules for those interested:
“The shadow work is a must because there will come a time when you have done all the prayer and the meditation and the exercise…and the affirmations…and the healthy eating…and you still feel like s**t. That happens because we are not robots and we all have complex trauma to navigate through, and it also just happens because life isn’t so predictable and controllable. We are human beings with moods and blocks not Tony Robbinses. I hope you do re program your habits and thoughts like a boss in a way that serves you…but deeply “negative” states are gonna happen at least on many of your days even if you are a machine of positive thinking and behavior. Well when you find yourself feeling like s**t in this way that’s where embracing the shadow comes in.”
I personally found that by getting in touch with my eroticized rage, my hatred of women (yes I said it) and my deep grief around betrayal plus all my anxious attachment…I could be more present and less reactive in my relationship with Tatiana and all women…and then I could stop jerking off to p**n so much and save my juice for what mattered….one other line from my website:
“Remember being a teenager and first discovering ma********on?
I have absolutely no problem with adolescents and their s*xual explorations. The problem is that men get stuck in the adolescent exploration phase of their s*xual development… not just for a few extra years, but for life!
And the Internet has only made it easier and easier to pull out your phone and get that dopamine hit free of charge. This has made relationships harder for modern men for many reasons.
Number 1: Your partner is not a cartoon (aka Pl***oy bunny). They are human beings with a trauma history just like you, and they need attunement in much more complex ways than a s*x doll.
Number 2: When we train ourselves to ej*****te, we get better at ej*******ng, not better at s*x.
Number 3: The amount of thrusting and the absence of touching bodies with hands in erotic films is a terrible misrepresentation of real s*x. The lack of tender touch makes us think that we too should be disconnected thrust machines, instead of what we really want to be, primal devouring intimacy wizards expressing our inherent creativity and divinity.
When self-regulation enters the bedroom…
That’s not to say that I demonize s*x or ma********on in any way. I believe it is an innocent attempt to self-regulate an overactive nervous system.
And yet, it is often one of the primary culprits of problems in the bedroom, especially when you need more and more intensity to produce that dopamine hit, or when you seek to replicate what you see in erotic films with your partner.
I am not anti-kink, but I do think that kink is way cooler when it comes from your own mind and not from the erotic entertainment industry.
One can become aware of all this without being abstinent from the dopamine hits, although some people find that abstinence from certain s*xual behaviors is what is right for them.
The most important thing, however, is that we be willing to change our relationship with self-pleasure so we can nurture ourselves and save our s*xual energy for our partners, instead of running to that adolescent pastime whenever we get an uncomfortable feeling.”
So if you find yourself stuck in any number of what I dub “adolescent patterns” give me a call and we can set up a consultation and then dive into shadow work limiting belief work, and behavioral change that actually shifts things in your life.
It's time to rediscover your passion and purpose. Dave Cash provides individual coaching for men online from New York to wherever you are.
