S*x and relationships are tricky.
Emotions. Bodies. Communication. Shame. Taboo. Vulnerability. Love. Longing. Wanting. Loathing.
While we believe that ‘s*x is natural’, we create excuses to avoid seeking education about it. We create excuses to avoid discussing it. After all, if’s it’s ‘natural’, we just know how to do it, right? - Wrong.
S*x is no more ‘natural’ than cooking. No one is born knowing how to create a banquet nor boil an egg. Knowing how to eat doesn’t mean we know how to cook. The craft and skill of cooking a beautiful meal takes time and practice to learn. Like anything valuable, learning and expertise take education and practice. S*x is no different.
But the big difference is people do not feel ashamed of learning to make an omelette. But they feel a variety of emotions at the thought of discussing s*x with someone whose opinion matters to them.
There is an assumption in our culture that because you are an adult, you know how s*x and relationships work. As if magically upon puberty, this information is just downloaded from nowhere. But it’s not.
Instead we turn to the sources we are most familiar with. Friends, siblings, TV, movies, music, magazines and p**n to fill in the gaps. Not the most credible sources, but certainly popular. And sure, there is plenty of information about s*x online these days, but still, we struggle. Why?
When we grow up repeatedly told that s*x for women is painful the first time (or much of the time), that women don’t enjoy s*x, that love and s*x are the same, that s*x for men is only about their pen*ses and ejaculations with no explanation why… guess what? We believe it. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everyone drinks the Kool Aid, no questions asked. And sadly, no amount of scouring the net for ‘squirt’ videos or attending pick-up artist classes is going to change that. No vi****or nor pill will end the cultural relationship we have with shaming s*x. And this is another problem. It’s what is not said about s*x that is the source of suffering for all of us.
We’ve been tricked into believing that s*x is the problem, rather than everything we have been told about it.
This is why we get left feeling inadequate….“Is this really all there is?”
When such vital information about our core relationship to life is hidden from us, we are left wondering:
Am I doing it like everyone else?
Am I doing it right?
Have I missed something?
Is there more than this?
The answer to all of these questions are within you. When we change our inquiry from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What needs to change?” a world of possibilities opens up. My job is not to tell you what you want, but rather to teach you how to feel what’s already there; your pleasure, your passion, how to communicate your ideas and desires and how to listen to your heart – with your heart.
I am simply the bridge between your wisdom and your expression.
I believe that s*x, pleasure and relationships drive and sustain our satisfaction without lives. This is why I do the work I do.
Sessions available for individuals and couples and more face-to-face in New York City and globally via video from where ever you are in the world . For more information and inquiries head to https://cyndidarnell.com/s*x-therapist-new-york-nyc/
