03/01/2022
Common clinical points regarding anger.
Anger is an emotion, a private subjective experience of feeling, not intrinsically connected to any thoughts or words or actions. It usually reflects a subjective experience of unfairness.
It is often connected with thoughts or fantasies that reflect a range of matters -- from fixing something, to asserting something, or speaking something, or actually harming something or somone. There may be an urge to take action. But such thoughts do not require that action be taken. And thoughts them selves are clearly not matters that impact the world, are distinct from actions. Thoughts or words or action are distinct from the emotion itself.
One can experience the emotion of anger, and accept it, without speaking or or taking action; or one can make use of the anger as motivation to speak or act. But if so, it is important to contemplate which words or actions are likely to be useful or productive, without immediately acting upon them. Delaying words or action to determine the best words or action, if any, is important.
There is no need to "expel" the anger with words or actions. One can endure the continuation of the subjective, private emotion of anger. One can be angry and control one's words and actions.
If this seems challenging, then consider that the particular issue inciting anger may be provoking a personal residue of other anger from other circumstances, which has been held in abeyance, but has needed some sort of resolution.
In short, experience and accept anger, consider what useful action may be taken on its basis, and accept that perhaps there is none, or that the choice is based on deliberation.
To try to not experience anger would be problematic, as it would be a rejection of one of the core components of being human, of one's self. It would also eliminate the important motivation of action against unfairness. And there is possible physiologic harm in trying to suppress anger, rather than accepting it and experiencing it, without the immediate "release" of words or actions.