Todd Baratz

The private practice of Todd Baratz.

04/27/2026

When someone represents possibility, relief, and an answer to something deeper, the stakes become incredibly high without you even realizing it. So when it doesn’t work out, or they don’t follow up, or something feels off, it doesn’t land as neutral information. It lands as confirmation of a deeper fear, like maybe this isn’t going to happen for me, or maybe I’m not someone people choose. That reaction makes sense when you understand the layers underneath it, but if you don’t understand those layers, every experience starts to feel disproportionately painful. Dating stops being disappointing and starts feeling existential.

If this is you sign up for my upcoming 5-week workshop on dating. It starts May 3rd. Click the link in my bio to find out more. Hope to see you there.

04/26/2026

We’ve been sold a version of love that’s easy, effortless, and always feels good. That’s not love, that’s fantasy. Real relationships will challenge you, frustrate you, and expose parts of you that need to grow. That doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means something real is happening.

04/24/2026

Say s*######xx! Idk what intimacy even means.

04/23/2026

I’m not interested in debating whether this is true, false, healthy, or unhealthy. I’m interested in what happens to people when they use it. I’m interested in how quickly we take something complex, emotional, and relational and collapse it into a phrase, a buzzword, and some definitive line that feels good to say but often does very little to actually help.

“If they wanted to, they would” often says more about your need for certainty than it does about their behavior.

It is a way to avoid sitting in the discomfort of not knowing. Of not having control. Of having to make a decision that is not obvious.

It is a way to collapse the situation so you don’t have to feel it. But relationships require feeling. They require tolerance for ambiguity, difference, frustration, disappointment, and negotiation. They require you to stay with yourself while also staying in contact with another person.

And that is much harder than repeating a sentence.

The cost of reducing everything is that you lose access to yourself. You stop asking better questions. You stop engaging with reality. You start reacting instead of understanding.

And you end up making decisions based on simplified narratives instead of actual dynamics.

04/22/2026

People say things to themselves they would never dream of saying to anyone else. And they do it without even registering it. Reflexive. Automatic. Cruel.

If your inner world is cruel, shaming, and overly critical, your outer life will reflect it in one way or another.

Yes, we are often our own worst enemy. But at some point, we have to take that seriously and become a safe person for ourselves to be.

04/21/2026

People reeeeally want connection but are looking for it in such a disconnected and defended way that it makes it virtually impossible. The method cancels out the goal.

Everyone wants immediate connection, instant chemistry, instant certainty, instant everything. If one thing feels off, we swipe to the next shiny option. No tolerance for discomfort, no space for ambiguity, no time for anything real to build.

People have basically become products. We are all reduced to data points, profiles, prompts, stats, “vibes,” and treated like a pair of jeans at a store. You try them on once, and if they don’t fit perfectly you put them back. That works for clothes, not for strangers with histories, nervous systems, and wounds.

So… lets maybe stop doing that. Mk?

I have a LIVE 5-week workshop (zoom sessions and more) starting May 1st called How to Date Better. It’s about building real dating skills, yes, but even more than that, it’s about learning how to date without abandoning yourself and how to grow more fully into yourself in the process. Click the link in my bio to find out more. Hope to see you there.

04/20/2026

All wounds are relational. Sooo..repair can only happen in relationship.

You cannot self-love your way into wholeness (whatever that even means). You cannot journal your way into safety. And you definitely cannot self-heal. Yes, inner work matters. But at some point real connection is required if you are to actually grow.

Otherwise, it becomes a performance. A hyper-curated illusion of healing. A checklist. A brand. “Look how self-aware I am. Look at my boundaries. Look at how I cut off everyone who triggers me. Look at how good I am at being alone.”

Recovery in isolation isn’t healing. It’s coping. It’s management. It’s control. It’s a survival strategy dressed up as self-sufficiency. And while it might protect you from being hurt again, it also protects you from being truly seen.

The only kind of repair that can reorganize our internal worlds is loving relationships (all kinds). That’s the kind of story that rewrites the old story.

04/16/2026

If you’re not doing thoughtful things for your partner....if you’re not showing up with warmth and kindness on a regular basis, if you’re not making it clear (through words and actions) that you love them and actually want to be in this with them then, sorry to say, you’re not being a great partner.

That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It usually means you’re guarded, walled off, or scared of intimacy.

When we love someone, we show it. In how we speak. In how we treat them. In the small gestures, the follow-through, the teamwork.

Just do things for the people you love. Period.

04/15/2026

Stop looking for your forever person. That mindset is not going to help you build a healthy, satisfying relationship.

Focus on today. Focus on being a good partner. Focus on building the skills, habits, and dynamic that make a relationship feel good now.

And don’t confuse this with me saying don’t think about the future. Thinking about the future and planning for the future is different from entering, or staying in, a relationship with the framework that it has to be forever.

04/14/2026

Imperfect. Aware. Open. Flexible. Driven towards emotional and personal growth. Thats it. Not abs. Not a bank account. Not social status. Not even knowledge. But the ability to face ourselves with a f*ck ton of honesty.

If you’re feeling stuck or lost or overwhelmed right now—you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just human. And the goal isn’t to eliminate those states. It’s to learn how to hold them with more gentleness, more curiosity, and more capacity.

So no, health is not about constant wellness. It’s about honesty. About not lying to yourself. About building capacity to feel more, not less.

04/13/2026

All relationships have problems. Idc what you think you see or what you read on here, every relationship is problematic. Conflict. Fights. Disappointment. Boredom. Doubt. Incompatibility. No desire. No s*x. Sometimes all at once. If you're not, get ready because you will.

There’s way too much s**t out there selling an idealized version of love that supposedly just works like clockwork. The right partner, the perfect match, the one it was all meant to be with. You want the same things. You move through everything with ease. You have s*x all the time. And you just know they’re the right person.

That doesn’t exist. That’s Disney.

The reality? Healthy relationships are the ones that can tolerate imperfection. It’s not about avoiding the mess it’s about how you move through it. How you stay connected when it’s hard.

04/12/2026

On one. I love you all though. Even if you don't have a sense of humor...

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http://www.toddsbaratz.com/

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