20/04/2024
The road to recovering from narcissistic and emotionally immature parents
Emotionally Immature parents come at the relationship from a me-first position. Once you understand this you may find it easier to not take their rejection so personally. Though that is no easy task.
Over the years you may have begun to recognize that the relationship didn’t feel right. That your parent/s didn’t behave like other parents and there is a lot of conflict and conflicting emotions.
You may have noticed;
• Your parent/s have little or no empathy for you or anybody else.
• They are intolerant, judgemental, and opinionated.
• They have a air of superiority
• They play the victim if you stand up to them
• Your feelings weren’t considered and weren’t asked about
• If you expressed any feelings or opinions they were dismissed
• Activities and conversations were focused around your parent/s interests/wishes rather than yours.
• They have no self awareness of how their behaviour affects others.
• They blame others
• They make you feel guilty or bad for not doing what they want you to do.
This is certainly not an exhaustive list of the many traits of emotionally immature parents, but you may be able to tick a few of those.
As a child, you long for a healthy relationship with your parents, and you have probably tried REALLY hard to have this kind of relationship with them, and have been left feeling sad, frustrated and angry that you just seem to get the opposite of that. Growing up you longed for that connection with you parents, with positive communication and affection. That’s only natural. As Lindsay Gibson PsyD states “feeling love from an emotionally immature/narcissistic parent is like trying to experience the mountains by looking at a photo – you can see they are there but you can’t experience the emotional connection to them”. You have been missing that emotional connection your whole life.
Other feelings you may have been missing are;
• Acknowledgment
• Good communication
• Praise and approval
• Affection and encouragement
• Being seen
• Feeling special
The road to recovering from emotionally immature parents requires;
• Nurturing your relationship with yourself
• Learning to trust and experience your feelings, good and bad.
• Understanding that it was never your fault.
• Understanding there was nothing more you could do to change the situation.
• Accepting that you have little control over changing the situation.
• Appreciating what you have achieved despite what was missing.
• Nurture self-compassion and self-care.
• Treat yourself in a way you would have liked your parents to treat you (reparenting yourself)
• Allow yourself to experience joy and love.
• Fantasize about your future and what you would like to achieve.
• Understand what your needs are.
For more information see my website at
Sarah Lewin - Inner Smile Therapies offers Counselling, Psychotherapy in Nottingham, Mansfield, online. Anxiety Counsellor, Psychotherapist , Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy to help you feel calmer, more confident and in control.
